To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

You've said 2 out the 6 were already invited, is it possible that the other girls were out already and they bumped into each other or perhaps it was the 2 who were initially attending invited the other girls and it wasn't the birthday girl. Still shady to be excluded though. I hope they have some decency and apologise to you on Monday.

These bitches have clearly shown their complete lack of consideration for you. Gracefully rise above this rather than let them enjoy your angst. Better to know and no longer waste your time or kindness on them but bless your hurting heart; I've been there too and it does sting massively. Let us know how you get on at work

Some women really let themselves down behaving in this way. I do believe that often it happens when people are threatened by you or want to 'take you down a peg'. Just rise above OP. Best revenge is living well and all that.

FWIW the two women in my workplace who have form for this type of thing are very insecure and competitive. It's a Queen Bee mentality that most people grow out of but sadly not all.

What happened OP? Any explanation?

Good luck today xxxx

Please update us at lunch if possible. Good luck x

Good luck for today 💙💜

Hold your head up today. X

Good luck for today. Don't worry about them, you just focus on yourself and your work. They will use any excuse to try and shift the blame for their embarrassment and shame off themselves and onto you.

Stay strong today op

Good luck OP thinking of you xxx

Good luck for today OP!

They'd only make me feel like this once! I'd remove myself from the WhatsApp group, go to work, do my job and then go home. I'd be civil to them but that's as far as it'd go now. That would only last while I look for another job!

This.

What total and utter cunts.

What a horrible bunch of people. Just wanted to say I worked for 8 years in somewhere where I always felt like the one who was left out no matter how hard I tried. Moved on to somewhere new and couldn't believe the difference. I made some fab friends and felt really included and accepted. Some times your face just doesn't fit and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

Oh and I would also confront Birthday Girl about it - calmly and politely of course. People like her only get away with being such cunts as they rely on other people not wanting to confront them on their arseholish ways.

Hope today isn't too painful for you OP. Remember they are the ones in the wrong, NOT you

Similar thing happened to me. Niece’s 21st birthday party, I’d been told she’d be celebrating with friends, great! With a quiet dinner at home later with her parents. Except when I gave my niece her present, she asked me if I was coming to the party that night, she wanted to check as I’d not mentioned it. Turns out that all her friends and all her parents’ friends had been invited to a big birthday bash at their home that evening. No big family fallout, sil just didn’t want me there.

Thank you everyone!

Also @Femodene you do make a good point but I can't help it hurting. I feel a lot better this morning but know that I'll be feeling a bit sick come 9am!

Good luck today OP

Just hold your head high and remember you're a far better person. You're professional so don't let the boundary between work and their so-called friendship be blurred.

It would be nice to think the two new ones were out separately and just bumped into the rest, but you say they were all wearing sashes so that's unlikely.

Just don't feel embarrassed, mention it to other people from different departments, this is their shameful behaviour, not yours. Someone mentioned up the thread about a team taking a day off, leaving one man alone, and how it was noted by people from different teams. Allow this to happen if you can.

Best of luck.

My father had a big birthday some years ago. I was told that he was going for a meal with my (LC) sister and her family in the evening.

Turns out there was a whole surprise party with around 25 members of extended family all invited.

Fucks sake.

Be calm and civil but don't be friendly. A bit of coolness is necessary and if directly asked, then just say that you are feeling rather hurt. Say that you don't want to make a big deal of it. Move on but maintain your distance. Good luck op. You must be dreading it.

Good luck for today OP . I’m sure there will be a couple of embarrassed people and some very lame excuses, if the birthday day/night comes up and no doubt it will, you will be hurting inside but you must hold your head high. You are a much nicer person .
I’d have a tendency to say , if anyone said anything to me about it , “ I’m glad you all had a lovely time “. You’ll probably also have the two faced thing as well .
When i worked a group of us would go on nights out occasionally but I got to the point of trying not to mix work with pleasure as people would start saying why have you invited so and so . This was before the days of WhatsApp and mobile phones. A couple of us would say we’re going here on such and such a night fancy coming along and bring a friend . All got too much when others started bitching about each other.
So OP don’t forget to hold your head high, you have been nothing more than nice . Don’t offer to do any type of collection in future , mute your WhatsApp and please let us know how you’ve got on x

What utter shits they are Mammyloveswine, I hope you are ok and manage to have a good day at work!

That's really harsh OP.
I'm glad you had a good catch up with your 'proper' friend!
Good luck today.
'Smile and wave'!