To think that it's unkind to leave one person out?

[Mammyloveswine]

So I work in a small team of 6, i considered us to be a close team and friends. We have a WhatsApp group and all message everyday. One of the staff had a big birthday today. I tried to arrange a little lunch out to celebrate this week but not everyone could make it so I sorted a collection from everyone and also bought a gift just from me. I knew birthday girl was having a day/night out to celebrate today "with close family and friends" and knew that 2 other members of our team were going. All fine. They are close friends. Anyway I've just received a photo to our WhatsApp group of our whole team (not just the ones that I know are really close) who are all out on the town together celebrating. I wasn't invited and the others never mentioned they were going when we were discussing weekend plans.

I know that it's her choice to invite who she wants but I considered her a friend! In fact she messaged me last night thanking me for being such a good friend lately! For the whole team to have been invited but not me just makes me feel like crap. How can you just leave one person out?

The rational side of me says to not overthink it and it's probably nothing personal but part of me feels like I'm back at school again! I just feel really hurt!

AIBU to think that it's a little bit mean to invite all but one person?

Be very cold and professional. I never used to do this as I was always wanting to be liked/nice. Actually it can have a miraculous effect. Caring less can do wonders sometimes. Get on with spending time and energy on better/positive things/people you enjoy.

That’s mean !

It was at any rate rude of them to show it on social media under the circumstances. Could it be due to confusion? Maybe everyone thought that someone else had invited you?

Be the bigger person and let them all know that it was unacceptable to not invite you, and then stop being the group, Goody-goody.

Horrible women

Ask her, that’s really not nice :(

That’s really unpleasant OP. In your position I would be hurt too. However, I’d breeze in on Monday like nothing ever happened. If someone does ask where you were then I’d say “I wasn’t invited”. Otherwise, I’d leave it. But.... I wouldn’t be helping them out again either or organising presents, etc. Do not let them think you’re a walkover anymore. Good luck 😉

I wonder if perhaps with you having given a separate present as well, if somehow she didn't realise you had also contributed to the joint gift?

That's so mean! No wonder you're upset. I'd have to send a message asking why I wasn't invited if it were me, especially as you sound so thoughtful and a good friend.

That seems very unkind. I would do what bringbacksideburns suggests as I tjink you are definitely ok to ask why you were excluded. Hugs op.

*think

Sashes? Sounds like you had a lucky escape. Are you in a slightly superior position to the rest of them OP? You may have already answered this but I haven't read everything. If so, I think that's the reason. It all sounds pretty silly and maybe they thought it wouldn't be your 'thing'. Either way I wouldn't make a big issue of it because you have to work together and in the big scheme of things it doesn't really matter. Just file it away and don't be the one who organises anyone else's birthday in future.

I’m wondering if the rest of your colleagues have been put in a difficult situation? They might be feeling very uncomfortable about this. I can’t imagine why someone would do this. Have you turned down other invitations in the past so maybe she assumes you aren’t interested? Does your colleague have form? Just trying to think of why.. xx 💐

That’s just unkind and very rude - I hope somewhere on reflection from the giddy excitement of her birthday she stops and reflects on her thoughtlessness and so do your other unkind co-works. If it was me I’d say something to her but if you can’t say something to one of the other people and let it filter back - rather than say it with anger, say you are upset and hurt. Happily you now have the higher ground from them all!

Good luck for tomorrow OP. Super professional, smiley and aloof. You just don't need people like that in your life.

Good luck for tomorrow, I have been where you are. It still hurts years later.

Hope work isn’t too bad tomorrow OP

Aw this is just awful! I feel so bad for you :( what dicks! I’m guessing most of them didn’t realise you hadn’t been invited as there can’t be that many mean people in this world!

I probably would reply...passive aggressively... Looks like you’re all having a lovely time sorry I couldn’t be there! 😂 (because I wasn’t invited you nasty arseholes...undertone)...

The stuff like this, I’ve been through it with my kids being left out...people are pigs!!

How horrible! I’d be so hurt too. But what a lovely husband you’ve got! So sweet.
I would not be able to be friends with any of them after that.
I’m thinking it might have been an accidental exclusion? Did They think they had invited you? Any possibility?

I highly doubt that you've been deliberately excluded OP. I've been on the receiving end of this type of behaviour before. It's most likely circumstantial - casual someone bumping into someone else, mentioning it to some, forgetting to mention it to others etc. Usually as a result of haphazard, impromptu disorganized plans. However, it is downright thoughtless at the very least! You have every right to feel hurt. But just try not to focus on it. It's not a reflection on you as a person. Besides which, they will all be nursing banging headaches today. Sorry if I have missed any updates. Have not read the whole thread.

What Tofty says

Doesn't matter what age one is, when someone is unkind it hurts.

That's so mean. What a bunch of bitches. Just be professional but nothing more. It is v hurtful. Something similar happened to me a while back (pics of them all away for new year posted on a group whatsapp), and my relationship with the bitches involved has never been the same. Whilst it is v hard to go through, ultimately it is good to see people in their true colours.

Why don't you take her aside and ask her why she didn't ask you. If it was deliberate, then you'd know, but maybe it wasn't, and somehow you got missed off the list or they thought your present was paid with their money, who knows? If you don't ask, you'll never know.

This was a little bit triggering for me as I am going through a very similar thing at the moment. Down to the clandestine nights out and separate WhatsApp group. A friendship group who I thought I was so close to have started ghosting me. It is so hurtful and I am trying to back away but there is one who I am really close to and don't want to lose but who I know is caught up in the lying so that is hard to deal with.

No advice as I need some myself 🤷 but sending solidarity