To think DP spends to much one-on-one time with son from past relationships?

[justalittlemilk]

DP and I have a son who is 8 months old, and my only child. He has a son at 14 and a half years old (as well an adult daughter).

DP gets his son every weekend, he picks him up on the Saturday morning and drops him home on a Sunday evening. During this time I see him little to none, he spends the full time doing his sons hobby, or spending time with his adult daughter (who has not accepted our son so has no relationship with me nor him). It seems as soon as he picks up his son on the Saturday morning that my DS is forgotten. I totally appreciate the importance of spending time alone with his older son to maintain their relationship and so he doesn’t feel pushed out, but as I said it’s every weekend without fail literally since the day my DS was born.
I also understand that he only sees him once a week and wants to spend quality time with him, and he lives with our DS, but often he ends up working 6 days a week with Saturday being his only day off, and goes to work after he dropped him off on a Sunday.
When I speak to him about it he often talks about when our DS is old enough to go out and do stuff every weekend he will, but for me that’s only a small part of it, the other part is I’m left with all the care of our son, feeling like a single mother a lot of the time. I don’t live near my friends or family as when we moved in together we chose to live in his home town to keep him close to his other kids.
AIBU for feeling this way?

To clear up a few on the questions regarding why his son doesn’t spend full days with his mother etc
She doesn't work, never has done
She denied DP access to his son for months (while back now), it was took to court by DP and he was granted the option of full custody. He and his son decided between them it wasn’t the best option as he’s dads house was a good 30 minutes away from his school and he worked full time. So his son decided to stay with his mother and go to his dads at the weekend. She has other kids (including his DD) who don’t speak to her. She’s never requested having even the odd weekend with her son.

At the end of the day DP’s son is a child in the situation, and not to say he shouldn’t have a say, I don’t think the over all decision of what happened at weekends should lie in his hands, it’s DP who I believe needs to take more responsibility.

When do you get a break from childcare? Do you get time to yourself on evenings during the week? If not, I'd be v unhappy with this arrangement

Only break I get from child care is the few occasions my sister has had DS. Cant happen often though because of breastfeeding.

I think the real issue here is a lack of realism prior to having children.

You were in a relationship with a man who already had fractured relationships with his children. You don’t like them and they don’t like you (it seems).

No inroads have been made, it’s already a juggling act, he works 6 days a week so has limited time for family in any case, but you (both) decided to have a child. It was daft. Hindsight is great, of course, but it’s time to be realistic now.

Your partner isn’t likely to be changing without proper motivation. You need to decide what you want, what you’ll accept and your lines in the sand and be prepared to walk if needs be.

I don’t envy you. It’s messy and difficult.

How would your partner factor in seeing his son with you if you were to just dump him? Which I must admit I’d be tempted to do, his (other) kids sound fucking awful.