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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stop pandering to neighbours parking requests..

238 replies

Panda368 · 19/07/2019 16:24

This might be a bit confusing but will try and make it as clear as possible. We are on a terraced street with street parking - no allotted spaces or anything - you get what is available at the time.

Neighbour (lets call her Anne lives next door but one) has a problem with our mutual neighbour (lets call her Clare) who has been doing up her house for a while, she has a particular problem with how Clare parks her car.

Anne thinks Clare parks too close behind her car (usually there is several feet between bumpers). Anne has taken to asking me and my partner when we have parked our cars to move up or down essentially trying to make us park in such a way that it prevents Clare parking infront of her own house.

We find this a bit weird and increasingly annoying as the last thing you want to do when you get in from work and park is then go and re-park. We also think Clare should be able to park in-front of her own house.

When we have pushed back and politely told Anne we are too busy/will move car later Anne has become arsey and accused us of 'making her ill' and repeatedly says the whole parking problem is giving her anxiety, shes on medication, her blood pressure is really high etc etc

Anne had a go at me last week about moving the car and complaining to me about my boyfriend having to be reminded weekly to park in the certain way she likes it - I was clearly about to leave in his car had baby in the back and was dashing in for something I'd forgotten when she caught me so I was quite short with her about already being late and still got an earful about her blood-pressure.

Is it unreasonable to refuse to play Annes parking games even if it causes her anxiety? Is pandering to her parking 'issue' ultimately making her anxiety worse? We don't want to be sucked into her one sided parking feud with Clare who is very normal and not arsed.

How do I say no next time?

OP posts:
nuxe1984 · 20/07/2019 20:53

She obviously can't drive properly which is why she wants a lot of space to manoeuvre her car in!

I wouldn't pander to her. If she says it's making her ill, suggest she gets some counselling. It's the lack of control over the situation that's causing her anxiety rather than the actual parking - which, from what you've said, isn't really a problem.

The last thing you want is to fall out with your neighbour next to you!

Nomorechickens · 20/07/2019 21:05

Stop talking about it to her. Stop thinking about it. It's not a problem except to her.
If she talks to you again, say 'I don't want to talk about this any further' and close the door / walk on down the street / drive off. No need to engage in further conversation.

Happyhappy2 · 20/07/2019 21:13

You sound as if you have enough on your plate with a young baby. You are being sucked into a compassion trap. Remember, Anne has no empathy for others and you cannot satisfy her - think about the responsibilities of your own life and say, “No, I’m sorry Anne. I don’t want to move my car anymore.” If this leads to a poor-me outpouring simply say, “I’m sorry Anne. I have to go.” Do not worry about being judged or hated by her. She does not see you as a person in your own right as it is. You cannot satisfy her. Withdraw. Focus on your baby and your partner.

FelicisNox · 20/07/2019 21:20

Don't wait until she approaches you again, go over and speak to her, better still, invite her over for a cup of tea and a piece of cake and kindly explain the following:

Tell her in no uncertain terms that whilst you sympathise with her health problems, they are HER problems and that actually, she is making herself ill with her parking obsession.

Tell her you will no longer be playing her parking games as you have better things to concern yourselves with and her problem lies with Claire and the fact there are no allocated parking spaces and that you deeply regret involving yourselves in the 1st place as it's juvenile and Claire is actually very nice.

Recommend she speak to Claire directly like an adult and put her sense of entitlement to one side.

If you don't feel able to talk to her directly pop a well worded letter through her door.

Don't feel guilty, just make it clear you are saying no to the request, not the person.

ToftyAC · 21/07/2019 00:42

As MN likes to state.... NO is a complete sentence.
Anne : Could you...
You : No

SemperIdem · 21/07/2019 00:44

@ToftyAC I rarely think that somewhat trite MN phrase is true. However in this instance a sharp “no” and closing the front door would work extremely well.

Commonpeoplelikeme · 21/07/2019 01:33

Maybe you should tell her you’re now having to see a therapist as this has now made YOU ill and ask her to be considerate of that and then perhaps offer her the number?

Paperdolly · 21/07/2019 07:23

You are part of this problem. You are enabling her to behave the way she does because you are accommodating it. STOP IT!

OddCat · 21/07/2019 08:27

If it wasn’t the parking, Anne would find something else to moan about (probably the bins) . Don’t tell her to speak to Claire as the problem isn’t hers either. Tell Anne that neither you nor Claire are parking badly, and if she carries on harassing people you will report her.

RighteousSista · 21/07/2019 08:41
  1. Consider getting one of those ring? Doorbell camera answering things you can use remotely with your phone.
  1. Get a friend to park their car outside her house when they go on holiday 😈
  1. Send her a postcard ,(with appropriate image) saying something about UK street parking laws and to desist from hassling the residents, "love, your neighbours, x street"residents
  1. Maybe get a laminated A4 sheet to place on your parked cars dashboard or drivers seat "Anne, you do not dictate to us where we park on X street" and maybe offer one to Claire.
  1. contact PCSO to alert them to Anna agitated state of she requires MH support from adult social services

I can empathise, have had batshit neighbours myself and have considered going down the harassment route but they got sectioned and moved away.

Star81 · 21/07/2019 09:10

It’s clear she does have some form of MH issues. However, it’s not your problem to fix and you know that you have been trying to appease her for a long time.

Just don’t speak to her from now on as this probably allows her to speak about it and get worked up even more. Be polite and say hi but don’t engage. If she says your making her ill say calmly that you are not in control of her illness and that she is and maybe needs to see. GP but in a gentle way that makes it clear you will not be held responsible for her illness. Apart from that do not engage.

ElsieMc · 21/07/2019 09:25

Oh no op. We have neighbours who have actually coned off on-road parking in the village for an area of around 50 feet for the past three years. They say it is to facilitate easier access onto their driveway but they already have a white line painted opposite. It is not enough though because that is not the real reason. They do not want anyone parked across from their house or in front.

They told a PCSO that their dd would die if an ambulance could not easily access their driveway as she has a serious illness where it can suddenly become life and death. But it has been coned off for three full years with no disabled parking bay put in place. Yet she is always behind the wheel of her car, putting others in danger if her condition is indeed that serious. They also told the Council that she does not live there and they need a smaller property to get their planning permission that we now have to tolerate the noise and dust from.

We have tried moving them but they just buy more cones. They live opposite a care home on a narrow road and traffic has to drive into the middle of the road to get past as they are now at least three feet into the road. What is wrong with people?

It sounds like she was using you to get her own way and now you are non-compliant she has turned on you. She sounds exactly like our neighbours. I think it is a certain personality type who simply cannot see beyond their own needs and if you disagree, you become the enemy. Which is what you are now op, sorry.

DaisyChainsGetBroken · 21/07/2019 09:59

If she starts wailing and saying she is ill then suggest she gets medical help for that

Goodomens23 · 21/07/2019 11:19

I'd say Anne is bullying your neighbour. And by pandering to her...so are you. Just tell her it's nothing to do with you, and get on with your day. I feel sorry for your neighbour

DennisMailerWasHere · 21/07/2019 11:35

Do NOT invite her in to chat. Do not get drawn into discussion. Just refuse to engage in her bullying behaviour - ill or not, hypochondriac or genuine, she's bullying!

Stop the bat shit behaviour now. Stop talking to her, "sorry busy" then walk away, close door, etc

Her problem is not yours to solve.

Jogonandshutup · 21/07/2019 15:02

Just tell her you like parking outside your own house or that you don’t have time to move it etc

Weezol · 21/07/2019 15:19

in fact better we dont speak at all

Sounds like a win to me! Channel you inner five year old and totally ignore her.

FairyFlake45 · 21/07/2019 16:03

Tell her it’s a public road and anyone can park where the hell they like!
I live in a terraced road like this and hate people who deliberately leave big gaps between cars...it takes spaces away from other residents who have just as much right to be able to park in their own road. Ann is selfish and entitled! Do not move your cars anymore for her and be a good neighbour to Clare.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 21/07/2019 17:21

These parking hassles are why i will always choose a home with a driveway..id rather have no garden than no parking !!!

MamaOfBothTeams · 21/07/2019 17:25

I want to come and park on your road Grin

jillybeanclevertips · 21/07/2019 17:29

Won't you be glad when she sells and moves ? (Better the devil you know etc) Just be blunt and tell her you are not moving your cars just to suit her, when she goes on bout her health tell her she needs to return to her Drs. Then tell her if she continues to bug you about this you will have to go to council and state that she is becoming a nuisance neighbour., and then tell her from now on you are going to ignore her.Does she have partner you can enlist to help ?

Giraffey1 · 21/07/2019 17:34

You can say it kindly ... but when she asks you to move your car, just say no, it’s fine where it is. If she says it’s making her ill, just say you’re sorry she’s feeling unwell, but that this has nothing to do with how you’ve parked your car. Tell her you hope she feels better soon, goodness isn’t it hot today, must dash, got the shopping to do / get baby to docs / got the housework to do. Etc. Every time.

TowelNumber42 · 21/07/2019 18:35

You have it in writing that you are never to speak to her again. Result. Stick to that.

Ticketybootoo · 21/07/2019 18:37

Just point out that if you join in it is kind of collective bullying and will make Claire ill . Maybe she should think about others too ....

Poppi89 · 21/07/2019 18:46

I have to stick up for Anne a bit! You have 2 cars but Anne and Claire only have 1 each and are having to squeeze in "like sardines". It sounds to me like when she is knocking on asking you to move up it's because claire can't fit in and is taking up more room meaning that Anne can't park. So are you the problem OP??
I am saying this as my parents have the same situation where everyone has 1 car each and there should be enough room for everyone but next doors now have 3 cars (mum, dad and son, daughter having lessons!) and they take up nearly the whole street and all of the residents think it's unfair. JUst another POV.