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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop pandering to neighbours parking requests..

238 replies

Panda368 · 19/07/2019 16:24

This might be a bit confusing but will try and make it as clear as possible. We are on a terraced street with street parking - no allotted spaces or anything - you get what is available at the time.

Neighbour (lets call her Anne lives next door but one) has a problem with our mutual neighbour (lets call her Clare) who has been doing up her house for a while, she has a particular problem with how Clare parks her car.

Anne thinks Clare parks too close behind her car (usually there is several feet between bumpers). Anne has taken to asking me and my partner when we have parked our cars to move up or down essentially trying to make us park in such a way that it prevents Clare parking infront of her own house.

We find this a bit weird and increasingly annoying as the last thing you want to do when you get in from work and park is then go and re-park. We also think Clare should be able to park in-front of her own house.

When we have pushed back and politely told Anne we are too busy/will move car later Anne has become arsey and accused us of 'making her ill' and repeatedly says the whole parking problem is giving her anxiety, shes on medication, her blood pressure is really high etc etc

Anne had a go at me last week about moving the car and complaining to me about my boyfriend having to be reminded weekly to park in the certain way she likes it - I was clearly about to leave in his car had baby in the back and was dashing in for something I'd forgotten when she caught me so I was quite short with her about already being late and still got an earful about her blood-pressure.

Is it unreasonable to refuse to play Annes parking games even if it causes her anxiety? Is pandering to her parking 'issue' ultimately making her anxiety worse? We don't want to be sucked into her one sided parking feud with Clare who is very normal and not arsed.

How do I say no next time?

OP posts:
CrackOn · 19/07/2019 18:56

What does the note say?

Sorryisntgoodenough · 19/07/2019 18:56

So what did the note say?

Luaa · 19/07/2019 18:56

I agree, keep a log of behaviour as if she carry's on as she is, I'd be reporting her to the police for harassment

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 19/07/2019 18:58

This is exactly what I need on a Friday night. Sorry, nothing remotely helpful to add. What did the note say?

Sc0neCreamJam75 · 19/07/2019 18:59

Just keep saying to yourself - public road

qazxc · 19/07/2019 19:01

I know that Clare isn't fussed but there isn't a rational reason that she shouldn't be able to park in front of her own house ( most of the time). Which surely would be more convenient for her.
And she doesn't get to do the that because Anne is playing silly buggers.

Gazelda · 19/07/2019 19:02

"Anne, this has got to stop. No one is parking illegally or selfishly. But the constant angst about it is creating very bad feeling. I'm sure that poor Claire must be feeling victimised. I'm not getting involved any longer."

LittleCandle · 19/07/2019 19:08

Bloody hell, tell her to fuck off. If she goes on about her blood pressure, say she should be asking her GP for suitable medication, but you are not moving your car for her pleasure ever!

Or else just say no. Walk away!

PCohle · 19/07/2019 19:09

She was crying on your doorstep? Bloody hell. Her anxiety doesn't trump the stress and upset her own behaviour is causing everyone else.

(Please tell us what the note says!)

VenusTiger · 19/07/2019 19:12

Wow, she’s very odd and aggressive! Keep the note for evidence and next time she pops round, tell her, she’s making YOU ill and if she doesn’t stop the nonsense, you’ll call the police for harassment!
The fact that she’s literally on your heels as you enter your house, suggests she’s curtain twitching all day long! She needs a good telling off from the law, and maybe then might open up to them and may be she’ll be offered medical help/support.

PanamaPattie · 19/07/2019 19:12

🍿. Settling in.

Panda368 · 19/07/2019 19:15

Shes now turned this round to be us that are parking badly and not leaving enough room for Clare forcing clare to get too close to her car.

Honestly we park where there is space on the street and there is so much fucking room.

The note says "you are rude and ignorant dont ever speak to me like that again in fact better we dont speak at all. It's not our problem that you have two cars and one house and we all have to be squashed in like sardines to accommodate you. You have made me ill with your antics. At least Panda leaves a decent gap as she knows I suffer from xxxxxx(I dont) I only hope no one treats your mother this way"

Slightly awkward as I'm the one who parked up tonight and hes the one who's copped the blame for answering the door.
I'm now worried incase we have caused parking probs but we always leave space or take whatever spot we can find if the street is busy.
The car didn't move all last week and she only went nuts went and complained on the one day I moved it so it cant have been that bad

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 19/07/2019 19:16

Each time she asks tell her you are too busy but that she is welcome to park her near your if that makes her happy

SimonArch1983 · 19/07/2019 19:19

Haha we had this with our batshit crazy neighbour. Insists on leaving a 15 foot gap between her and her daughters car so me and the wife can't get parked in the street (we are end of terrace so it's easy for her to park like a twat, we can't get parked). One day I lost my shit and literally parked an inch off her bumper, bearing in mind she's got 15ft in front of her. She came round beating on my door complaining saying she couldn't get out in an emergency. I told her to get fucked. The stupid old bat waits for us to go out and she moves her car so we can't get parked. She's raving nuts! She put a complaint into our letting agent and the landlord came round (he's a great guy, couldn't ask for a better one! ) and asked whether I had told her to "fuck off" I just said yeah tbf I did tell her to fuck off and he just laughed. Nutty Nora and her fucking weird daughter I call em.

yearinyearout · 19/07/2019 19:19

You really just need a clear conversation with Anne telling her you will not join in with her games, and if she has issues with Clare parking too close she can take it up with her.

BluebellsareBlue · 19/07/2019 19:21

This has been on the go for nearly three hours. WHERE IS THE DIAGRAM OP??? Wink

Luaa · 19/07/2019 19:26

This has been on the go for nearly three hours. WHERE IS THE DIAGRAM OP???

Finally someone is asking the important question!

butteryellow · 19/07/2019 19:30

Up our street we all have a drive, but with only room for one car, and with houseshares, and working couples, that means most houses also have a car on the street (including us). We all work round each other, generally not taking a spot outside another's house, unless there's no other parking etc.

My MIL visited last week, and was incensed that someone parked opposite our drive, so I have to do a slight wiggle to get out (just one back and forth - we have a longer car), went on for 10 minutes about how rude it is to park opposite someone's drive, even when I pointed out that half the reason was that our second car is parked right up to the drive entry, and if they didn't park opposite drives, there'd not be enough room.

Some people just need to get better at driving and chill out.

CanuckBC · 19/07/2019 19:33

She is cray cray! Document all of her visits and issues so if you need to call the police you have every visit and convo noted. It’s not going to stop this easily!

Ticklemeelmo · 19/07/2019 19:35

It sounds like she is absolutely nuts and just looking for an outlet for that. If it wasn't the parking she'd find something else to bitch to you about. She is clearly just after attention and some drama so don't take it personally.

Jamiefraserskilt · 19/07/2019 19:43

Anne is making herself ill because she does not have enough in her life to focus on except imagined slights.
If she does not get the hint you have to tell her that her behaviour is now becoming harassment and if it doesn't stop, you will have no choice but to report it.
Park where you like and stop trying to please her.

tomatostottie · 19/07/2019 19:47

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour. I'd just ignore.
Park where you like making sure you aren't blocking in and that's the end of it.

accused us of 'making her ill' and repeatedly says the whole parking problem is giving her anxiety, shes on medication, her blood pressure is really high

This really annoys me. I'm starting to get fed up with people pulling out the anxiety and/or illness card any time their neighbour does something that doesn't particularly suit them. There have been several threads on here recently with posters saying that a neighbour has complained about something or other they are doing and that the OP is making their anxiety worse. It's ridiculous.
There are people with genuine diagnosed anxiety who have no end of difficulties in their lives and then there are a load of people saying they have anxiety when they don't. I am a bit suspicious of people wheeling out the anxiety card in neighbour disputes - it's manipulative and does no one any favours and demeans the genuine medical condition.
See all that carry on with Penelope and wanting a shared garden to herself because the OP being in the garden was making her ill. And here, just a few days later we have the same thing again.

If someone has genuine anxiety and is being supported for this, this "parking problem" issue is exactly the sort of thing they should be discussing with a therapist to find strategies to deal with it rather than pestering the OP to move cars all the time for no good reason.
The high blood pressure is also totally irrelevant - if someone parking so close behind her car is sending her blood pressure soaring then this needs to be discussed with her doctor.
My Dad had really high blood pressure and various stressy things caused it to increase but he didn't go demanding other people do this that or the other, he found ways of dealing with it himself.

weleasewoderick22 · 19/07/2019 19:52

If someone has genuine anxiety and is being supported for this, this "parking problem" issue is exactly the sort of thing they should be discussing with a therapist to find strategies to deal with it rather than pestering the OP to move cars all the time for no good reason.

Absolutely this ⬆️. I've got quite bad anxiety and the parking in my street is dire. We all have our own driveway, but many houses park their second, third, fourth car on pavements.

It drives me mental, but I know I'm on a hiding to nothing. I can park and get out, so I have no case.

I would never inflict my anxiety on someone else especially over parking. She's batshit!

username678889 · 19/07/2019 19:54

Anne is clearly barking , she has issues but surely she sees her behaviour is wrong . Just ignore you can't reason with the stupid .

Pleasebequietnow · 19/07/2019 19:54

Mad as a box of frogs.

Blank her from now on. Keep the note in case you ever need proof of harassment.