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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 19/07/2019 11:27

She needs to take responsibility for herself and pay for a taxi.

Orangeballon · 19/07/2019 11:28

Just say no, taking the p*ss.

SagAloojah · 19/07/2019 11:28

She’s BU to guilt trip you.

She needs to sort it this once. Her reaction to your firm no will tell you the sort of person she is.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 19/07/2019 11:28

Or is the mum the most disappointed as she's been childfree every Sunday morning for the last six months?

ElizaPancakes · 19/07/2019 11:28

I think for the sake of 20 mins it’s a bit mean. I totally get you’ve been doing a favour, and I agree the mother is being a massive CF, but it’s the last one.

If you have room I think you should do it but be clear you can’t do it anymore going forward.

thedevilcamefromthehimber · 19/07/2019 11:29

You need to nip this in the bud now OP. Why would you sign a child up to an activity if you can't get them there or back! I would take the child this one last time, I know it's an inconvenience for you and your family but it would be one last time. Tell the mother you can't do the lifts anymore and she needs to make alternative arrangements.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 19/07/2019 11:29

Nope. Just not a mean spirited arse who equates giving a lift with giving a kidney

fine, but the OP has never refused to give a lift to be spiteful and has willingly helped for months.

She cannot do it this weekend, why should she have to change all her plans? The mother can make other arrangements.

Coffeeonthesofa · 19/07/2019 11:31

@taylorowmu.
Apologies I took your interest in the taxi firm which operates UK wide, which I replied to, along with a further question about the name of the company as doubting my knowledge.
Then with @mussolini9 wading in about it not being true in their tiny bit of the world I got annoyed and mixed you both up.
The OP seemed to have taken the word of the mum about it being double fare on a Sunday and I was trying to point out that this was not the truth in my experience, in case this was why she felt guilty.
I’m stepping away now as this is not the point of the AIBU.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 19/07/2019 11:32

@northerngirl2012 written as we have already had a dry run packing our large 7 seater with our camping gear and we're still having to prioritise stuff Grin Only 2 adults and 2 kids and there is seriously not a square cm of free space, I've utilised all those random cubby holes, we'll be finding stuff for rest of the year!!

Butchyrestingface · 19/07/2019 11:32

Yes, & this final session, the problematic one, is THE LAD's AWARD night, you clown!

That doesn’t erase the fact she has been very kindly helping out for six months, which all the people accusing her of being unkind and so on, seem so keen to forget!

Well, that and the fact OP doesn’t have room in the car. Grin

StripyHorse · 19/07/2019 11:32

I am guessing she didn't offer petrol money for the additional 40/20 minute detour?

It is unfair of the mum to guit trip you into taking her child when you reason not to is perfectly reasonable- offering to take a child when you are making the journey anyway does not mean you are contractually obliged to do it when you would not otherwise be making the journey (or part of it).

Lweji · 19/07/2019 11:33

I'm not sure.
If he's THAT heartbroken, surely his mother could pay a taxi for the gran to pick the child up from the activity.
I'd mention something to the mother about her not being there to see her child receiving the awards. Surely that's one time she would want to attend it.

Still, I think I'd still take him. I wouldn't be doing it as a favour to the mum, but to my child's friend, as I'm sure he would if he was older and had a car.

mcmooberry · 19/07/2019 11:33

Definitely not BU but probably would end up taking him rather than him missing the event. Realistically though, you may not actually have room in the car with camping gear, we had to take both cars on a camping trip recently as we literally could not fit everything in our (large) boot and roofbox.

LoafofSellotape · 19/07/2019 11:34

Double fair Sunday taxis and non existent bus service? Where on earth do you live?

I would've said the same but then I moved to a small town and PT is appalling and taxis are astronomically expensive.

I would help a mate out.

bigKiteFlying · 19/07/2019 11:35

We don't drive - we'd be very grateful for 6 months of lifts.

We'd do taxi for one off event or something else - but as she's relative nearby could the boy not do overnight at relatives.

Honestly though this isn't your problem to solve and I think you've been very generous in the last 6 months to give lifts.

Lweji · 19/07/2019 11:35

If you already have four people in the car and a whole camping trip's worth of equipment, there's no way you'll be able to fit him in anyway.

Not everybody carries their equipment on the seats and it's dangerous anyway, in case of an accident.

Butchyrestingface · 19/07/2019 11:36

I am guessing she didn't offer petrol money for the additional 40/20 minute detour?

I don’t think it’s been established that any money was offered for the 6 months worth of rides, has it?

JemSynergy · 19/07/2019 11:37

I would take him but she really should be making provisions to collect him. She shouldn't be putting the guilt onto you. Saying all this I'd probably just drive him back to make sure he got home okay.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/07/2019 11:37

If he's THAT heartbroken, surely his mother could pay a taxi ...

I'd say the key there is that little word "if"

IF it's so, and if the mother cares at all, surely she'd do whatever she could to get the lad there? Granted she could have problems with that, but it's unclear why they have to be OP's problems?

sunglasses123 · 19/07/2019 11:37

Looking at this its a real shame that this lad is missing out on the awards. However this mother needs to take a long hard look at herself. This is HER son. Not someone else's.

If the detour was 20 mins and you COULD fit in the child then I would probably do it but how does this women then pick up her son from his gran's?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/07/2019 11:37

This is very unfair on you, OP. The thing is, your position has changed; hers has not. She still can't drive and has no way of getting her child to the activity without you. You have another commitment and want to prioritise that, rightly so.

It's really sad because you are in a position of emotional blackmail and, if it were me, I'd be telling this mum that she needs to have a 'Plan B' because if ever I couldn't drive, I wouldn't want to be made to feel as if I'm the one who has to find a solution when this is not my responsibility but hers.

You have no choice really but to take this boy AND drop him off at his nan's or back home. A shitty stick whichever end. I'd do it but that wouldn't be happening again.

For this same reason, whilst we do anything for the elderly neighbour next door - she never takes advantage - we don't do the same for the neighbour on the other side as she has very many commitments with her children and it would open up a dam as she'd expect it as a regular thing. I've been there before and it's so stressful.

People who can't/won't drive have to have a 'Plan B' that doesn't involve other people. That way, there's no pressure on somebody with a car because there's a viable other option.

mussolini9 · 19/07/2019 11:37

I will freely accept that it operates everywhere in the UK apart from your two tiny rural areas.

Can't speak for the other poster, but 'my' rural area is pretty large.
And you are being illogical. There will be a multitude of other rural areas you've never even heard of that your firm won't be operating in, because they will be economically unviable.
There are millions of acres of barely populated areas of the UK. If you want to believe that 'your' taxi firm has a fleet of cabs ticking away at non-existent stands in these wildlands, you go ahead.

Where taxi drivers charge double or whatever they like on a Sunday.
Yes. A fact doesn't need to be within your direct experience to be true. Or do you seriously believe that just because YOU are unaware of a fact, that it cannot be believed? You must have a lot of trouble getting your head round the earth orbiting the sun ...

twoshedsjackson · 19/07/2019 11:37

Even if the taxi fare is double on a Sunday, that still equates to just two taxi fares. How many equivalents to a taxi fare have you saved her over six months?
Realistically, she should have sorted this out before committing him to a sporting activity. What happens if, God forbid, you or your own son are unwell, or your car has mechanical problems?

DishingOutDone · 19/07/2019 11:38

Its definitely that "no good deed" thing, you've helped out, now you must help a bit more, then a bit more and if you don't its ALL your fault.

Of course she could sort this out herself, but why should she, after all you set yourself up by giving the boy a lift.

SagAloojah · 19/07/2019 11:38

@Lweji it’s OP who said they might not be able to fit him in because of cramming in camping gear