Aibu to not give this child a lift?

[ByeByeBike]

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

Bertrand and would you suggest, or assume, that that parent would have a plan B for when you wouldn’t be able to take their DC? Or would you go on the basis that you would always do this even if your own DC wasn’t going or in fact you wanted to go away that weekend and you’d change your own plans to accommodate this child?

@taylorowmu.
@mussolini9

Right for your benefit I will explain again I have detailed above in reply to Taylor how the company I have knowledge of, does offer a UK wide service but for the sake of my sanity I will freely accept that it operates everywhere in the UK apart from your two tiny rural areas. Where taxi drivers charge double or whatever they like on a Sunday.
Happy now!
Suggest you start badgering the many other PP’s on the thread who have said that taxis in their areas don’t charge double either.
Or just get back to the point of the thread is the OP being unreasonable?

No good deed, eh Op?

6 months & people think that you should do more & add it on to your holiday trip!

Christ!

Tbh, it wouldn't even cross my mind to not give the child a lift.

“Well arent you a saint”
Nope. Just not a mean spirited arse who equates giving a lift with giving a kidney

Lol,its not about giving a kidney.I would help anyone out.But when it impacts me,i will put my family first.

The other mother is trying to guilt trip a person who has helped them out for 6 months.She should just say thank you and find her own way there and back for once.

@flashinglights But the OP doesn't have any space in her car with all the camping gear. So should she re-arrange stocking up her car also just to suit this CF. Seriously - this is a one off and you are all giving the OP grief for wanting to go on holidays and not giving this lad a lift ONCE.

Right for your benefit I will explain again

I didn't ask you to explain at all!

Wow! I’d just do it. Maybe only to his nan’s, that seems a reasonable compromise, because otherwise he’ll be gutted and it’s only 20 mins of your life! A bit of kindness goes a long way.

Perhaps Gran could treat her GS to a taxi ride?

Or if she drives & is available, take him & his mum?

@Coffeeonthesofa

I already said I live in a city so not sure why you are referencing my 'rural area'

Unless there's a good reason then the mum should find another way to take him.

However, ultimately I would still take him. I'd feel mean otherwise and he's probably used to the routine you have going.

I would just do it, think of how good you'll feel all holiday ;)

Wish doing people favours gave me this much joy...

Bring the mum with you and she can get a taxi to gran’s

They'll have a car full of camping equipment and clothes, were are they supposed to fit her in?

"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear enough. We can't take your DS on Sunday. You will need to make other arrangements."

Don't feel guilty about it. Imagine the situation was reversed, she had been giving your DS lifts for six months. Then she said, "We've got something on next week, can't take him." What would you do? You'd make other arrangements to get him there, wouldn't you? There's a gran and a DH/DP and presumably other friends / family members who drive. There are taxis.

otherwise he’ll be gutted and it’s only 20 mins of your life! A bit of kindness goes a long way.

Which part of giving him free rides for 6 months wasn’t “kind”?

And given that OP has said she may not have room in the car, where do you want her to seat the boy?

If you already have four people in the car and a whole camping trip's worth of equipment, there's no way you'll be able to fit him in anyway.

I voted YANBU and thought what a CF she will just have to pay whatever it costs in a taxi but then I can't help feeling so sorry for the little boy. This is something that he could potentially remember forever and I feel really sad for him to miss it. I would take him to grans house.

Or is there a facebook or WhatsApp group where she could ask other parents for a lift??

I haven't read all of the thread but people who don't drive literally 'drive me bananas! Of course on MN people who aren't drivers state they would never guilt trip or expect lifts but this is rife. I have two relatives who proudly state they have never learnt to drive/never found it necessary. That is because the guilt trip others to pick them up and as they are getting older they are getting worse.

I have a couple of acquaintances from living near London who did this time and time again.

• Could you pick us up as we want to have a few drinks and we know you don't. They then don't want to leave when you do.
• The family car isnt that reliable and my DP is unavailable to drop and pick me up and you have a company car
• Ditto above plus DP wants to have drink in the evening and cba to pick me up

MoaningMinniee
Wouldn't she like to actually see the awards bit herself anyway? And the child would probably appreciate his parent bothering to turn up.

That's a very good suggestion.

If the mother won't or can't go, in the op's position I'd give the boy a lift to and fro as it doesn't take that long.

I’d text her “We’re definitely not able to help you get little Johnny home from the presentation but just let me know by Saturday night if you want us to drop him to it still. I realise this isn’twhat you’re hoping I’d say but on this occasion, we’re unable to help you more than I’ve already explained’l

Say no, if you’re like us camping we struggle to fit everything in! It’s not practical to take him& also most important NOT YOUR PROBLEM! sorry I shouted!

What car do you drive OP that you can fit in an extra child alongside your camping gear? because we need to buy this car

[Misses the point]

She’s been running him for SIX MONTHS, you clown!

Yes, & this final session, the problematic one, is THE LAD's AWARD night, you clown!

Perfectly understandable to be pissed off the the boy's mother, but it's not his fault she's a CF who isn't bothered about any of his family seeing him receive his award, or sorting out alternative arrangements for him to get to/from his last activity day.

People seem remarkably content to ignore the boys feelings in all this. As if a 20 minute car journey is WAY more important than his feelings over his award. He is already missing out on having any family at the awards, does he need to miss the last day too?

I know it's not OP's problem, & it would piss me off a little too, but in this ONE instance I'd be putting the boy's feelings first, because it's not his fault. But I'd also be interrogating the CF mum about why nether she not any other family member is arranging to attend this last, award day.

@purplecrazyhorse I did think the same!