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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
Yeahnahmum · 19/07/2019 10:59

No way. Dont do it
Cheeky mum she is

You could take her ds there and then let his nan pick her up or something. Or a taxi. Whatever

But no. She is making her problem your problem and guilt tripping you into it.

GabsAlot · 19/07/2019 10:59

Well sorry if theres other famjily that can drive they can at least pick him up rude cfers

HJWT · 19/07/2019 11:00

Say no! Your going on holiday which should be a happy time don't let her ruin it! Taxi's are expensive but you have saved her 6 months worth so she will either have to get over it or pay for a taxi / offer family petrol money to bring him back!!

adreamofspring · 19/07/2019 11:00

Bring the mum with you and she can get a taxi to gran’s. If it’s 20 mins away (instead of 40) then double fare will only cost as much as it would to go all the way home

taylorowmu · 19/07/2019 11:01

The taxi company operates out of several large cities in the UK

Who are they then?

mussolini9 · 19/07/2019 11:01

Double fare taxis on a Sunday? I have family members who work for a taxi firm which operates nationally in the UK, this is not a thing.
Yes fares increase at night and in bank holidays, Christmas etc they add a huge extra up front cost but they do not charge double on Sundays.

And yet anther poster, who lives rurally, has supplied chapter & verse describing that it IS a thing where she lives. Why would you imagine that you have sole knowledge of all taxi operations throughout the UK?

Your "taxi firm which operates nationally" does NOT have a service in ever corner of the rural UK.
How do I know? - because 1) it would not be financially viable & 2) I live in a very rural area without any "national" taxi service. The very few taxis available (2 drivers have recently retired) are independent, need booking weeks in advance for saturday night pick ups, & can pretty much charge what they wish in a sellers' market.

And to the PP who doubted there are areas without sunday bus services - that's common rurally. Even through the week it can be problematic, with e.g. a bus taking you to town X on a Tuesday, but no bus FROM town X until Thursday ...

Courtney555 · 19/07/2019 11:01

Sorry, but it's not your fault this child will be "heartbroken". And she's damn cheeky for acting like it's your responsibility. Because you have ferried her child to and from a weekly activity for 6 months, and she's too lazy to find another person willing to do the same journey she takes for granted, just ONCE. How entitled is this CF?!

Gran can do it. Her and gran can split the cost of a taxi. Her brother/uncle/best mate/another friend can do it if her priorities don't include spending one taxi fare on a day that will leave her child heartbroken if he doesn't attend.

If it matters, she'll find a way. She just can't be arsed to spend a moment of her own time to make that happen. Plenty of time to complain at you though. Absolute audacity of it.

MaisieDaisy1 · 19/07/2019 11:01

It’s not up to you to ferry someone else’s kid about. When my son was at nursery I made the mistake of picking up and taking someone else’s child too. It was on the way but it was a pain the neck and I really regretted doing it. Just the faff of getting out of the car and collecting another child, then getting two kids into nursery was a pain. I wou.d stick to your guns and tell her you can’t do it.

averythinline · 19/07/2019 11:01

Having thought some more and seen your camping - say no - he will not fit as you are heading off... no way coudl i fit an extra child in my car with all my camping kit!

dustarr73 · 19/07/2019 11:02

I dont drive,i wouldnt sign my kids up for an activity i wouldnt be able to get too.

Op has been helping out for 6 months,the other mother should have hada back up plan in case the op wasnt available.

I dont think thats unreasonable.Any way shes shot herself in the foot now,no way would i be giving a lift after this.

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 11:03

“That it’s perfectly fine to book an activity not within walking distance on the basis that she can always scrounge a lift off someone else and save herself some money?”.

I have no idea how the original arrangement happened. But if one of my children’s friend’s mums said to me “Tommy would love to Go to that tap dancing course with your Bobby but I cab’t get him there- could you possibly take him?” I would almost undoubtedly say “Of course- go and sign him up!”

Bibijayne · 19/07/2019 11:03

I'd say I can drop him in the event, but she'd need to sort out him getting home/ to his grans. Assume he has others friends at this activity, has she asked any other parents?

purplecorkheart · 19/07/2019 11:03

Just tell her that you have packed up all the camping stuff and you will not have space to take him

Morgan12 · 19/07/2019 11:04

Its annoying for sure. And she is being really cheeky to ask it of you, but I'd do it.

dustarr73 · 19/07/2019 11:05

@BertrandRussell
I have no idea how the original arrangement happened. But if one of my children’s friend’s mums said to me “Tommy would love to Go to that tap dancing course with your Bobby but I cab’t get him there- could you possibly take him?” I would almost undoubtedly say “Of course- go and sign him up!”

Well arent you a saint.But as we can see,the other mother is a cf.

Sally150 · 19/07/2019 11:06

I would do it not such a big deal

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 11:06

Would you also beg them to reconsider if they told you one week that they couldn’t make it? Telling them little Tommy would be heartbroken just to jerk their heartstrings, or would you have some bloody dignity, Bert?

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 11:07

“Well arent you a saint”
Nope. Just not a mean spirited arse who equates giving a lift with giving a kidney.

FlashingLights101 · 19/07/2019 11:08

OP has said several times she has had no problem taking the child for the last 6 months, so all of those shouting that the mum is a CF for taking advantage for the last 6 months, the OP implies that she offered in the first place.

OP, of course there is no obligation, but it really is 20 mins of your life. It doesn't really matter how he gets home from Gran's, perhaps someone who drives will be free later in the day, who knows but it's not really relevant.

Personally, if I were in your position and I refused, I would spend my holiday feeling a little bit bad that a young boy didn't get to go to the awards ceremony, and no it woudn't be my fault, but I could have helped.

I know many of the hard-nosed lot here will shout "not your problem", but for the sake of 20 mins and helping out a little boy, I would just do it, think of how good you'll feel all holiday ;)

merlotqueen · 19/07/2019 11:09

The mum should book a taxi to go with him and see her own child at the presentation surely?

dustarr73 · 19/07/2019 11:09

@ByeByeBike how old are the kids we are talking about.

Plus if the om was being reciprocal is some way,it might be different.But it seems the its take,take,take.And that would piss me off.

FlashingLights101 · 19/07/2019 11:09

“Well arent you a saint”
Nope. Just not a mean spirited arse who equates giving a lift with giving a kidney

Lol!

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 11:10

“or would you have some bloody dignity, Bert?”

Well- as I am the one giving the lift in this scenario I think I could maintain my dignity quite easily.Grin

Butchyrestingface · 19/07/2019 11:10

Seriously OP ... for the sake of 20 minutes, you can't help out just this once? YABU.

She’s been running him for SIX MONTHS, you clown! 🙄

@ByeByeBike, did you clarify whether the mother has been paying you to hoik the fruit of her loins to this activity? If not, surely she’s squirrelled enough savings away from these pro bono rides to afford a taxi to granny’s?

Anyway, sounds like you don’t have room in the car anyways so it’s surely a non-issue. Unless mother wants YOU to now pay for a taxi since you would be reneging on your “responsibilities”. Wink

Bonne vacances! ⛺️

NoSauce · 19/07/2019 11:10

Is there some backstory with the mum, OP?
MH issues, poverty, illness? It seems odd that someone would be so reliant on another person if not, unless they are just genuinely hard faced.