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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
fargo123 · 20/07/2019 23:44

YANBU

I'm glad to see that you won't be giving the boy a lift. You've gone above and beyond for the last six months. Frankly , I wouldn't be giving him a lift next term either. The parents were C.F. for signing him up for something when they had no intention or means of getting him there. If the mother chooses not to drive, then it's up to her to explain to her child the limitations that come with that.

It is not the OP's responsibility in any way, shape or form to facilitate this boy getting to the activity, on the last day, or any other day. It's his parents' responsibility. If they choose not to drive (mum) and/or not to take him (dad who apparently does drive), or to pay for a taxi, they THEY are failing in their responsibility to their child. Not the OP.

The OP is not letting him down. His parents are letting him down. If he for one second thinks the OP is to blame for not being able to attend the event, then he is well on his way to becoming a CF like his parents.

ContactLight · 20/07/2019 23:56

So...even if the OP dropped the kid at his nan's house, he still needs to get from his nan's house back to his own house. And presumably someone in the family has a car and can take him home - in which case they should be able to take him to the event in the first place.

Enjoy your holiday OP.

GrouchoMrx · 21/07/2019 00:14

You shouldn't have accepted the responsibility if you weren't prepared to see it through.

Too right. But why stop there?

Not only should the OP accept the responsibility of getting the lad to the presentation/awards ceremony but I hope the OP realises that it is her absolute duty to pay for world-class coaching (think tennis school in Florida, rugby college in NZ, athletes training camp in Oregon!) for this lad in the future as she has a responsibility to see it through.

Sigh! If only everyone thought these things through properly before offering a lift in the first place......

Halo
FrancisCrawford · 21/07/2019 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainbowbear10 · 21/07/2019 00:48

if it were his presentation then surely one of his relations could come and see him collect his award. i dont think they should be relying on you to be the Taxi service there and back every other week if they cant make an effort for one day,
our taxi company only charge double fare at Christmas and New years day . and bus / train every hour on a s
unday

WhereTheWildFlowersAre · 21/07/2019 01:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isatis · 21/07/2019 01:45

It's not just 20 minutes, it's a little matter of having no space, @WhereTheWildFlowersAre.

MinecraftMother · 21/07/2019 01:45

I would cancel the cheque.

WhereTheWildFlowersAre · 21/07/2019 01:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Motoko · 21/07/2019 02:05

Some people are really hard of thinking.

No room, doesn't mean they can squash the child in. It means there's NO ROOM!

DreamTheMoors · 21/07/2019 02:34

DO NOT let her guilt-trip or manipulate you into doing something you cannot or will not do! Be firm and tell her it simply isn’t possible & that she’ll have to make other arrangements. And for God’s Sake don’t apologize to her - that implies you’re doing something wrong.
Her kid = her responsibility.
I bet she does this to everyone.

MsTSwift · 21/07/2019 07:05

Yes this isn’t the 80s where extra kids shoved in cars irrespective of there being a seat and a seat belt. All these kind virtue signallers are suggesting putting a kid in danger and op st risk of prosecution! Not very kind hey?

FilthyforFirth · 21/07/2019 07:18

How dare someone suggest the OP has assumed some sort of parental responsibility for the child by 'not seeing it through'?! I honestly dont think I've EVER read a more batshit thread.

Why are none of the mean people on this thread (you know who you are, you think you are super humans but are taking delight in bashing the entirely reasonable OP) at all concerned that this boy has no family attending this ceremony that you all think is so important? Is that the OPs fault to? That his mum, dad and gran cant be arsed to come watch him get an award?

MsTSwift · 21/07/2019 07:22

Half expecting a virtue signaller to say that they would ditch the holiday entirely make a special trip collect kid granny and mum drive them to the ceremony and then buy them all a slap up meal afterwards in case they are poor. Hmm

EugenesAxe · 21/07/2019 07:32

I hope you have a good holiday OP; too late reading the thread to offer anything meaningful but please do come back and let us know what happened!

Taichipandas · 21/07/2019 07:39

For 20mins do it for the kid!! It's not his fault. What a sad society we live in when we can't give 20mins time to a child!!

Well I hope this is a sarcastic comment because the op has given up more than 20 x 2 mins for six whole months!

You shouldn't have accepted the responsibility if you weren't prepared to see it through.

Shock How about the child's parents responsibility to er, actually parent and make sure their son gets to his award ceremony once in six months?

I honestly think this sort of rude entitled behaviour is why so few people are willing to do favours any more (unlike the kindly op whose kindness is being thoroughly exploited in this situation).

I'm getting side-tracked but there seems to be prevailing attitude of "oh well X wouldn't have bought my child a present if they didn't want to so we dont need to bother thanking them" or "y was going that way anyway so it's no bother for her to pick up some things for me as well, why do they deserve thanks?". Answer: well if it's all so easy then do it yourself then! Confused

QuickThinkOfAName · 21/07/2019 07:51

Mstswift - i just assumed all the posters saying they'd do it and it'd be mean not to are thinking the op'll go out and buy another car to accommodate the child. Cause that's what any non 'selfish twat' would do surely?! What the hells wrong with people if they won't buy a stretch limo to fit the child in?

(The virtue signalling on this thread is insane)

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 21/07/2019 08:06

I've seen threads like this countless times before, where an OP is tying herself in knots going out of her way to help someone else, and then it turns out that there is a dad on the scene who could perfectly well step in to help but won't because they're playing golf/off cycling/having a lie-in or something. Wonder if that's the case here.

MulticolourMophead · 21/07/2019 08:23

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess I wondered that too. The mum might not drive, but it seems the dad does, and I bet he doesn't want to give up the free time he's had on Sundays.

Fontofnoknowledge · 21/07/2019 09:34

No OP - you are already doing enough. Really not your problem.

This child is going to an awards ceremony. Yet his parents are making no effort . Neither is the grandparent. Of which we know there is at least one less than 20 minutes from the venue.

'Non-driving mothers ' are one of my biggest irritants. If you have no health problems precluding learning to drive - (and these have to be really major as motability provide lessons, insurance and adapted cars for pretty much every physical disability except reduced vision/blindness and neurological disability such as day time epilepsy. ) .
If the excuse is 'the cost' then you need to prioritise. If your DH/DP drive and you already have a car. Learner insurance is £65 a month. The average practice to pass is 30 hours. Let's say 3 months. 10 lessons = £250 . Theory test £23 and Practical £62. All in about £520. Over 3 months. Substantially less than a family holiday and a darn sight more useful in that it's a life skill forever and stops you relying on partner and others and is a massive bonus to your children.

If your partner/husband drives and you live in an area with limited public transport, it is truly selfish not to learn. !

pinkpantherpink · 21/07/2019 09:42

Never heard of taxis being double fare on a Sunday. Feel sorry for the child.

BertrandRussell · 21/07/2019 09:53

“
Well I hope this is a sarcastic comment because the op has given up more than 20 x 2 mins for six whole months!“

No she hasn’t she was going anyway!

Willow2017 · 21/07/2019 10:50

Just because you are going somewhere doesnt mean you are obliged to take someone else there every bloody week.too. What if you wanted to go somewhere else after the event one week to meet up with family or something? Does that mean you have to miss out because you need to go back to take them.home first (40 minutes to kids house remember) and loose an hr and half out of your day because they expect you to and can't be bothered to make alternative arrangements?

Maybe the dad of this kid could have done some of the ferrying himself once in a while but apparently not, its all ops responsibility for ever and ever amen!

Its not the kids fault but its not ops responsibility when a parent and a grandparent can both drive and either could get him there and back if they could be bothered.

BertrandRussell · 21/07/2019 10:51

“Just because you are going somewhere doesnt mean you are obliged to take someone else there every bloody week.too”
No, of course not.

HeadintheiClouds · 21/07/2019 11:06

A favour is still a favour if it doesn’t cost the giver anything. It’s no less significant because she was going there anyway, the other mum gets the same benefit.