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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 20/07/2019 20:07

Cancel the lift

Aridane · 20/07/2019 20:19

It’s not unreasonable but it’s not kind

I tend to agree with this

FrancisCrawford · 20/07/2019 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boredbd · 20/07/2019 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FrancisCrawford · 20/07/2019 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nuxe1984 · 20/07/2019 20:38

I think you're being a bit mean. You've happily accepted the responsibility of taking this child to the event every week for months and now, for the sake of 20 minutes (and because you have this idea of all driving off on happy holidays straight afterwards), you're prepared to totally let him down!

I understand that you might not be able to make the occasional week (eg: if you were ill) but this isn't the case here. You just don't want to be inconvenienced.

You shouldn't have accepted the responsibility if you weren't prepared to see it through.

itsagodawfulsmallaffair · 20/07/2019 20:43

If it's okay to be dropped at Grans house then Gran can drive.

HeadintheiClouds · 20/07/2019 20:45

It was a favour, not assuming responsibility. The other Mum probably thinks exactly this! That’s the problem with long term favours, some people start to see them as a right.

Willow2017 · 20/07/2019 20:51

for the sake of 20 minutes
And what if they are delayed in traffic and its 40 minutes?

Op has to drive back the way she came as 'gran' is in the opposite direction from where they are going so it could add a lot more than 20 minutes onto her already long trip.

The kids dad and gran drives so why the hell isnt his own family taking him to this and watching him get his award? Why is it ops responsibility when they are quite able to take him themselves?

Willow2017 · 20/07/2019 20:53

You shouldn't have accepted the responsibility if you weren't prepared to see it through

Christ alive she was doing a favour not taking responsibility for the kid for life!

Op has a family and a life too you know, she isnt responsible for this kid. He has parents and grandparents who are.

numberoneson · 20/07/2019 20:58

@Badcat666 - no passive aggressiveness intended: simply saying how I'd feel. You certainly don't bother to put the passive in your own aggressive, do you?

HairyFloppins · 20/07/2019 21:21

I'm sure people are on the wind up now with these last comments.

OP you now only have a few options, cancel you holiday or give CF mum money for her taxi, or you could take her son on holiday with you give CF mum a well deserved break.

Happyhappy2 · 20/07/2019 21:21

Does the mother have a habit of making other people responsible for her child’s needs? You do not have to explain anymore. Is the mother seriously disabled or without other family/friends to help out? If she is not hampered in this way then she has to solve this one herself.

FelicisNox · 20/07/2019 21:30

I can't be bothered to read the entire thread, it's too long.

What's the mums story? Disabled? Lazy? CF?

Because I'm sorry, but it's one time in 6 months, unless she has a bloody good reason, she should be taking her own child and attending his ceremony.

If she is just a lazy, CF then you need to say no, period. You're going on holiday and it won't kill her to sort this one off out herself and make it clear how unreasonable you think she is.

Why are so many people on MN doormat city? You're an adult, grow a spine... no one enjoys confrontation but we all have to put our big girl pants on from time to time.

Willow2017 · 20/07/2019 21:35

Why are so many people on MN doormat city? You're an adult, grow a spine... no one enjoys confrontation but we all have to put our big girl pants on from time to time.

Maybe just read the ops posts then?

She isnt doing any of it.

NoSquirrels · 20/07/2019 21:43

I can't be bothered to read the entire thread, it's too long.

What's the mums story? Disabled? Lazy? CF?

You could, though, read just the OP’s posts, highlighted for your convenience, and get all the answers you need before replying...

OooErMissus · 20/07/2019 21:52

If you'd read the OP's posts @FelicisNox you'd know she's said she won't give the kid a lift...?

Who comes onto a long thread, says they can't be bothered to read it, and then tells the OP off, without a clue as to whether it's warranted? Confused

LifeImplosionImminent · 20/07/2019 22:07

"You shouldn't have accepted the responsibility if you weren't prepared to see it through."

Shock

She's not adopting him! FFS

buckeejit · 20/07/2019 22:10

Yanbu, you haven't room. Mums responsibility & 3 days enough time to sort it. You've been incredibly generous, don't take any guilt in this. I'd show her the costs of owning & running a car that she isn't contributing to & suggest that the savings she has made form your kindness should cover an alternative this time. If she isn't apologetic say lifts are no longer convenient.

If CF continues, say dh has said no way to extra time travelling. That might shut her up!

Have a super holiday!

OooErMissus · 20/07/2019 22:14

You shouldn't have accepted the responsibility if you weren't prepared to see it through.

Are you for real?

This thread is nuts.

ThePhoenixRises · 20/07/2019 22:16

OP can not fit the boy in her car, she is going on a camping holiday, with her family, between her family and camping gear, there is no room for the other child, regardless of how far away the gran is, extra child will not fit in OP car

Hope this clears things up for posters, who are only just reading the thread now.

OooErMissus · 20/07/2019 22:16

(and because you have this idea of all driving off on happy holidays straight afterwards)

You total bitch, OP - how dare you want to drive off on 'happy holidays' ...?!

🤣

CallmeAngelina · 20/07/2019 22:46

Jesus, people! READ. THE. FUCKING. THREAD.

ProfessionalBullshitter · 20/07/2019 22:47

It’s the parents’ responsibility to get their child to and from their activity.

You can’t help on this occasion so that’s that. Parents need to sort something else out.

Teacher22 · 20/07/2019 22:53

She can get him a taxi to his nan’s. It’s only 20 minutes away.

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