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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
notmylittleangel · 20/07/2019 18:03

Family of 4 camping - we can barely fit our own kids in the car with all the gear, that's with them sitting on blankets and pillows, with stuff under foot.
You can't fit him in either way.
So it isn't about an extra 20mins as dropping at band is no good if you ha en't got space.
You have to come home, pack the car and then leave which adds at least an hour to your leave time.

Just say no

NoSquirrels · 20/07/2019 18:03

And there we have the nub of the problem. You set your mind one way, the other mum set hers another. Now TALK to her and sort out something that will work.

But the car belongs to the OP. So she can do what she wants! She has talked to the other mum, and it is now the other mum who needs to "sort out something that will work".

And the CAR IS FULL.

CanYouHelpFindThis · 20/07/2019 18:06

I would do it, for the child,not the mother

Vgbeat · 20/07/2019 18:07

For 20 minutes I'd take them, they can't help mum and must be looking forward to it

Fluffypencil · 20/07/2019 18:10

20 mins on top is 40 mins if you need to go back towards the original point to then start your onward journey? If you have room to take him with all your camping equipment ect then fair enough, But it's not your problem how he gets home ,There must be family /friends that can help out even if they drop him at his Nans, You have been really kind to give him lifts to and from, Don't let her guilt trip you, as others have said it's not your problem x

Fowles94 · 20/07/2019 18:10

Where do you live that taxis are double fare on Sunday?
Why can his gran pick him up? Because someone must drive there otherwise he wouldn't be able to get home from there.

SunshineCake · 20/07/2019 18:12

I voted YABU as it's not fair for the child to miss the ceremony when she's tried to compromise. I'd give him a lift there, with the mum, but make it clear they must sort the lift home.

SarahTancredi · 20/07/2019 18:15

Well if they cant sort something out for the way there then theres a good chance they can sort it fir the way back either.

And you cant leave a kid there on their own.

user1472151176 · 20/07/2019 18:19

She is a cf. If she went with you she could see the award ceremony and then travel back with him. It may be double fare but she's not had to worry about travel expenses for the last 6 months! I'm surprised she's not interested in being there.
On the other hand. I'd probably drop him of to his nans just because it isn't his fault.
I wonder though if he really is heartbroken or if the mother just enjoys a free couple of hours to herself. I find quite often the parents are more bothered than the kids.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 20/07/2019 18:19

She's behaving dreadfully
But for the sake of 20 minutes I'd drop the poor kid off with his nan
(can the granny not pick him up? no dad around?)

SarahTancredi · 20/07/2019 18:21

And if its 20 mins in the wrong direction its added 40 mins to the holiday journey

Willow2017 · 20/07/2019 18:27

Sunshine
RTFT!

Op is going in the opposite direction from 'grans' on her holiday so it's 40 mins extra on a long journey with little kids.

THERE ISN'T ROOM IN THE FECKING CAR FOR HIM NEVER MIND THE MUM!

Op has been.giving free lifts for 6 months. Grandparents and his dad drive so why the hell is it ops responsibility to.go.out of her way when she is trying to.leave to.go on holiday? Trying to.guilt trip op into taking the kid plus going out of her way to drop.him of is not a compromise in.any shape or form. Mum.can get gran to take him or dad to take him or get a taxi.and (shock horror I know this is way out of left field) but maybe take her own.kid to his award ceremony and show some support!

Glitter99x · 20/07/2019 18:27

While nice you have done this for 6 months a bit cruel to say no to adding 20 minutes into a journey and him missing out on the most important day, and the last one before the holidays. 20 minutes is nothing. However at the same time I think his mum should say thank you for taking him all the time you have, it is kind of you, surely she could figure out transport even if double the fare unless she can’t afford it. If she can’t afford it really 20 minutes to your journey is not that long and would be kind of nasty to say no if she can’t afford the fare, it could be seen as being lead on for 6 months then at the crucial event you couldn’t spare the 20 minutes.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 20/07/2019 18:29

I can get 12 miles on a Sunday in 22 minutes. It’s not just 20 minutes though is it. It’s the whole CFery of expecting you to constantly put yourself out whilst she doesn’t ever.

Lulu49 · 20/07/2019 18:30

Drop him at his nans for goodness sake! Hardly any difference to you. Would be really mean not to

SarahTancredi · 20/07/2019 18:30

Its not nasty glitter

Seriously what is wrong with people.

5 mins can mean the difference between getting stuck in traffic or making it through. Add an extra 40 mins to the journey is significant.

Glitter99x · 20/07/2019 18:30

And really you must say now I’ve seen you can’t physiclaly fit him in the car due to the car being full to the brim with stuff, that this is the case. And knowing the grandparents drive also, surely they can pick him up, you have actually been lead on OP.

SunshineCake · 20/07/2019 18:31

No need to shout Willow Hmm. Just as I pressed post I noticed there was more than one page.

I have now read it all and think you are right to say you can't take him as you've no room with all your holiday gear. Though three days notice wasn't fair.

FrancisCrawford · 20/07/2019 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lulu49 · 20/07/2019 18:34

Why would anyone expect petrol money when your going there anyway?!

There’s a bunch of mean people here. We don’t know his mums circumstances. Just drop the boy at his nans.

dustarr73 · 20/07/2019 18:34

Bangs head on wall

HollowTalk · 20/07/2019 18:36

Just drop the boy at his nans

Or maybe his Nan could pick him up? This is the start of the OP's holiday, ffs.

SunshineCake · 20/07/2019 18:37

I know Francis ffs I've retracted that having read it all

HeadintheiClouds · 20/07/2019 18:37

Maybe op should make her dh jog along behind to free up a seat for the boy’s mum, it’s the kind thing to do.

Badcat666 · 20/07/2019 18:37

@dustarr73 joins you