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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 19/07/2019 22:09

Yes, let the poor kid whose parents have no spare cash

How the hell do you know this?
The dad drives a car maybe he could take his own bloody son to his event and watch him get his award?
Maybe he could pick him up after the event?
Maybe the grandparents can drive and could take him and his mum?

Unless you are the mum then stop portraying her as some destitute who hasnt a bean to her name. Op has said there is no reason to suspect they are on their uppers. She may have more disposable money than the op for all we know.

The only solution the mum has proposed entails zero effort from her or her husband and lays it firmly on ops shoulders to transport the kid there and then on to somewhere else. She needs to cop on that this is her kid not ops.

Willow2017 · 19/07/2019 22:11

Actully the gran can drive so why isnt she helping her dd out this once instead of it being ops responsibility?

alittlerayofsunshine · 19/07/2019 22:13

This reply has been deleted

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Nofunkingworriesmate · 19/07/2019 22:15

Can you put him in s taxi ?

MsTSwift · 19/07/2019 22:16

You need to be very careful of extreme takers they begin to feel entitled to your kind favours as has happened here. No WAY would I give this lift utter cheek

Original poster
ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 22:19

Wow, what a lot of votes Shock

Just to clear a few things up - they aren't poor, can certainly afford things like extracurricular activities, holidays, meals out etc. Just the mum doesn't drive. Not sure why she doesn't want to pay for a taxi - it's an unexpected expense towards the end of the month maybe or she's saving for the expense of keeping her DC entertained during the school holidays - but it's her decision to make.

Mum has never displayed overt signs of cheeky fuckery. Id like to think that as a non driver she just assumed that driving a shortish distance wouldn't impact us at all.

Had a chat with dh about it tonight - he's up for driving straight from activity to campsite and not detouring to the grans house. So that's our plan and we're sticking with it.

We will happily continue to give her DC lifts to the club from September onwards.

OP posts:
JayDot500 · 19/07/2019 22:20

I don't even have to read all the thread. YANBU.

When I have plans, I have plans. Respect that. OP isn't letting the kid down, its parents are. OP has actually enabled this child to enjoy the sport for months, so how any person can flip this so it becomes her problem is BU.

Tiredunicorn55 · 19/07/2019 22:21

No you’ve helped out enough for the last 6 months. Tell her to get off her ass and go accompany her son to the awards ceremony

Howlovely · 19/07/2019 22:24

OP you sound lovely! Have a fab holiday! X

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 22:24

“apparently) happy to give every fucker and his husband a lift to the moon and back in their fiat 500, and look after their 3 kids for the week (which is terribly lovely and all that.)”

No. I just think that taking another child in a car to a place you are going already is not a “massive favour” or particularly difficult or any sort of a big deal. I prefer to have my car full because it eases my conscience about driving a big car.
The presentation evenIng is a bit trickier. But the OP has a ready made excuse of no room in the car. But if I did have room in the car I would probably take the kid and bring him back to his gran. Because it’s 20 minutes and we don’t know what crap people have going on in their lives.

Snog · 19/07/2019 22:26

Agree that the mother needs to take her own child to the ceremony.

OP has been very kind and generous but the parent needs to step up here.

It's also not ok to accept lifts all term and make zero attempt to return the favour.

alittlerayofsunshine · 19/07/2019 22:27

@MsTSwift

applauds littleray.

Blush Grin
ysmaem · 19/07/2019 22:37

Can't she use public transport to get him to and from the presentation? Or maybe ask another parent. Or maybe try and find a way to to collect him after the presentation. She has 3 options there. I think it's a little unfair of her to try and guilt trip you into making detours to accommodate him when you've clearly explained your off on holiday immediately afterwards.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/07/2019 22:38

You can’t take him that’s that. Not your circus not your monkey as is said routinely on here. You’ve been doing her a favour for 6MONTHS!!! I would be embarrassed if I were her, not taking the piss some more!

MrsMiggins37 · 19/07/2019 22:39

YANBU, how her kid gets there and back is not your problem. She can get a taxi if she’s that keen for him to go.

gratuitousspoon · 19/07/2019 22:40

Yanbu

HeyThereDelilah1 · 19/07/2019 22:45

How will he get back from his grand though? If she drives can’t she pick him up from the event?!

Badcat666 · 19/07/2019 22:45

YAY! Have a ruddy lovely holiday @ByeByeBike!

May the weather be forever in your favour Grin

HeyThereDelilah1 · 19/07/2019 22:45

Grans!

OooErMissus · 19/07/2019 22:45

I would probably take the kid and drop him at his gran's because it's Just A Lift, etc, etc.

But.

Anyone who takes a favour (albeit happily given) for six months, and then when it's momentarily not convenient, instead of saying, 'oh don't worry, we'll sort something, thanks for everything so far and here's a bottle of wine'...

Instead - they lay a guilt trip on the person they've been relying on...

That's OK, is it?

I'd be judging them as socially inept ingrates, and I'd be much, much less amenable to going out of my way for them in future.

Betrand, if you were the mum, would you behave like this to the OP?

Vulpine · 19/07/2019 22:46

I don't have a big car so don't have the guilt of having to fill it with randoms to alleviate big car guilt. So many threads about people taking the piss with lifts.

YoThePussy · 19/07/2019 22:46

Glad all sorted OP.

Was going to comment about posters boasting about their petrol guzzling people movers and that YABU to not have a bigger car to accommodate any randoms who want lifts but shan’t bother now.

Original poster
ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 22:53

@Badcat666 dh showed me the weather forecast for next week. It's going to be another heatwave! Above 28 degrees from Tuesday onwards. Dh and the kids will love it, I will melt into a pathetic puddle of sweat and factor 50.

OP posts:
Badcat666 · 19/07/2019 22:56

@ByeByeBike

When you get there make hubby go and buy a blow up kiddies pool so you can fill it with cold water for you to sit in whilst wearing a HUGE Fuck off straw hat happily drinking cold drinks from the cooler that has been conveniently placed next to you Grin

OooErMissus · 19/07/2019 23:00

I also know what it's like to suddenly realise how overloaded the car is going to be - yes, probably just 2-3 days before you actually go.

Because this is realistically only when you start properly concentrating on logistics.

So yes, short notice. But again, quite a cheek to get annoyed at someone for this.

Have a great time, OP