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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
TowerRavenSeven · 19/07/2019 20:24

I’d take him if only not to feel guilty on my holiday to be honest.

Howlovely · 19/07/2019 20:24

I also grew up very rurally and understand how shit it is not to have transport but we just had to make do. My parents only had the one car add my dad worked shifts so there were some things we just had to miss out on. Yes it's a shame but we survived. We would never bite the hand that fed us, so to speak, and throw a favour in their face like that.
I hope your weekend improves after your arse of a day, Sooty.

BigChocFrenzy · 19/07/2019 20:26

This is why so many people avoid doing a longerm favour even if it costs them little, like regular lifts:

It bcomes an entitlement instead of a favour

On the rare occasion when you need to skip a time, because it is very inconvenient for you,
the other person uses emotional blackmail
and you suddenly become the "selfish twat"

The boy can probably go to his gran Friday evening and return Monday morning
But it's easier to emotionally blackmail the Op

SarahTancredi · 19/07/2019 20:27

Bloody hell.shes done it every week for six months , and the one time she cant her name is mud!? And op is the one who's unkind?Hmm

How dare she take a holiday...

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 20:29

“It's inconveniencing her family, it's physically an impossibility with all the camping stuff and a massive imposition on the ops younger children.“
Well, it the car’s full she can’t take him or bring him back, can she? Sorted.

But 20 minutes a “massive imposition”? Oh purhlease!

Badcat666 · 19/07/2019 20:30

And tbh when I was the only child without a family car in my peer group, if I had suspected there would be so many grown women tutting over giving me a lift , I probably would never have dared ask for one

oh ffs Sooty, the OP has never tutted over giving the wee boy a lift nor is anyone tutting at the lad that the OP was giving a lift to.

We are tutting at the mum for being a CF for trying to guilt the OP and trying to get them to go out of their way when her whole family should be on their way to their holiday.

Stop making scenarios which aren't there to suit your agenda.

For one SINGLE time out of a whole 6 months the OP can't give the boy a lift for genuine reasons.

I'm glad you would be happy to do what the OP doesn't want to do, bully for you.

I'm glad you are willing to possibly piss off your other family members, including your own children and make what will already be a very long and tiring journey even longer, that is if it is only 20 mins extra each way and the nan will be at home to take the boy in when they get there.

Whoever is driving is going to be knackered especially adding on would could be at best 40 minutes (and worst a couple of extra hours) to what will already be a bloody long drive. But long drives when you are tired don't cause accidents do they? yes.. yes they do

It's not the OPs fault the mother may be "Satan incarnate", nor is it the childs. It is down to the mother.

Also lots of 10 year olds miss out on stuff ALL the time. Sometimes, you have to put your OWN family first.

SootySueandSweeptoo · 19/07/2019 20:30

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 19/07/2019 20:31

I would do it because l would feel guilty.

But what @BigChocFrenzy said. It's a slippery slope.

SootySueandSweeptoo · 19/07/2019 20:35

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/07/2019 20:36

And? @Peanutbuttericecream the OP can't give the lift. She's explained this repeatedly.
It's not her child. It's not her responsibility. Kids get upset in life that's not her problem. She has a holiday to plan and her own kids to arrange.

QuickThinkOfAName · 19/07/2019 20:43

Duh yeah it is if it's on top of a 2.5 hour journey. Oh purrrleeease to you too Grin
Clearly the extra syllables add to the veracity of the statement.

QuickThinkOfAName · 19/07/2019 20:46

Bye sooty

Frankly if you can't see that someone using free lifts for six months then when they're told they can't do it once instead of saying thanks for letting us know and bringing a box of chocs for the free six months of lifts decide to emotionally blackmail the op into rearranging her family holiday then there's no point.

Perhaps they're the real selfish twat...

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 20:47

I wonder if you live within a 40 min drive of the op, Bertrand
If so perhaps you could pop round and take him?

thirdfiddle · 19/07/2019 20:50

Look it's nice you are thinking about still helping out as far as taking him is concerned but even that's not really practical with car full of camping stuff is it?

Tbh going to awards ceremony without a family member to support you when everyone else will have could be more upsetting than not going at all. So perhaps it's just as well.

cyclingwith3 · 19/07/2019 21:08

Ok, I’m a city girl- but I’m surprised someone lives anywhere with kids with zero transport access. No car, bus or taxi, friends or help. You entirely hang around within walking distance?

joyfullittlehippo · 19/07/2019 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cyclingwith3 · 19/07/2019 21:09

And I’d also do a 2.5 hour run with young children as an absolute limit. I’ve found it to be the witching time, either 2.5 hour max run or stops

Caucho · 19/07/2019 21:23

I’d do it. Normally I come down hard on cheeky fuckers but given the fact you’ve been doing it regularly already it does seem cruel to not enable them to attend the grand finale (not your fault exactly and you’ve already done a favour but still).

Just think of it as charity work. I’d feel bad in the circumstances and 20 or 40 mins isn’t that much of hardship as one off. Then afterwards, resolve not end up in the same position in the future and treat it as a lesson in no good good deed going unpunished

AlmostAJillSandwich · 19/07/2019 21:24

No, i wouldn't take the risk of Grandma not being informed or them conning you into bringing him home afterward.
I wouldn't take him either, since it sounds like things are going to be very cramped in the car.

Itssosunnyout · 19/07/2019 21:26

I don't u understand why you have been a taxi service for this long.
The mother is being cheeky to even allow this or ask

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 21:28

just think of it as charity work Confused

Caucho · 19/07/2019 21:48

It helps if you feel you’re being mugged Headin. It’s bad that after going someone a favour for ages you’re portrayed as the bad guy for not doing something you’re not obligated to do anyway but I’d treat it as a favour to the kid and not the parents. This is why people don’t help each other. When something becomes regular you’re the evil one in the eyes of people who might actually do fuck all to help anyone in their own lives. Do it because it’s the finale then say no more meaning others will suffer more in the long term but doing favours seems to do yourself no favours. The parent can do one afterwards

MulticolourMophead · 19/07/2019 21:54

How can OP be sure its only 20 mins to gran's? The other mum could be stretching the truth, it could be 20-mins-on-a-Friday-once-in-a-blue-moon and 30-40 mins most other times. Could even be in the wrong direction for OP, so she has to double back adding more time on.

There's no evidence for a precarious financial situation, seems other family members drive, yet the mum is trying to emotionally blackmail OP into driving the child when OP is trying to get away on holiday.

OP, I'd not take the child at all. It's time for the mum to sort transport out.

Dutchesss · 19/07/2019 21:57

I wouldn't do it over principle. You can get him to the ceremony - great. But the parent expecting you to be inconvenienced on your holiday is very rude. People shouldn't use their children for emotional blackmail. If she has spare money for an activity each week then surely she cant be so poor as to not be able to afford one off transport.

IncandescentShadow · 19/07/2019 21:57

Sooty sometimes people are full of goodwill but when they feel they have been used without much of a thank you for 6 months, their well of goodwill runneth dry. There literally comes a point when you say "no more". I suspect this combined with the OP going on a camping holiday is enough for her to say no. My holidays are sacrosanct and I get very cross with anyone trying to contact me about work or delay me when I am due to go on holiday.