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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
Somersetlady · 19/07/2019 19:20

3 days notice is plenty lf time for her to book a Taxi BOTH WAYS for her and her son after shes had free transport for 6 months. What shes saved on petrol surely covers this many times over even on a Sunday?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/07/2019 19:24

Yes it is shit living rurally without a car and you know this when you choose to live there. DH and I live rurally. We had one car & rapidly got a second because unfortunately, it was not possible to manage without it. You have to have back up plans that don't involve getting other people to drive your kids around for 6 months.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/07/2019 19:25

Arethereanyleft
Spot on. I spent years being the nice muggins, bloody no one repaid the favour, ever. I don't do it now.

IncandescentShadow · 19/07/2019 19:26

Surely this woman must have another friend who can at least pick her son up? Or has she put them all off due to the past cfery?

Whatisinaname1 · 19/07/2019 19:26

Yanbu. The mum has saved 6 months of not having to get the son there. She can sort it out this time.

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 19:27

“ What shes saved on petrol surely covers this many times over even on a Sunday?“
Even if this made the remotest logical sense, I suspect it’s not true.

Badcat666 · 19/07/2019 19:31

noooooooooooo Somerset noooooooo

for according to some posters the child's parents are as poor as church mices even though there is no evidence of this.

Perhaps they do have the spare cash but their belief systems states "all other parents must ferry thy offspring for thou art a cheeky fucker".

who knows!?! we don't because we have no idea what the child's parents can afford.

We must all make the OP feel bad and make them add extra time to their long family journey and leave behind camping equipment so they can shoehorn little Timmy into the car.

I'm amazed no one has suggested they should take little Timmy on holiday with them as well!

(and I've got about £16 in my account til the end of the month but I still wouldn't be a CF like the mum is being)

QuickThinkOfAName · 19/07/2019 19:43

No Sooty. You called the op a selfish twat for not inconveniencing her own family after six months of unappreciated assistance.

absolutelyknackeredcow · 19/07/2019 19:50

Haven't read the whole the whole thread but also got in two a ridiculous, two year pick up arrangement from a club. This involved taking the child home and feed

Nonnymum · 19/07/2019 19:51

I'm a non driver and always appreciate it when people have given me lifts or my children lifts when they were young. But I would never expect anyone to make a detour to give me a lift. You are not being unreasonable But she is

absolutelyknackeredcow · 19/07/2019 19:53

Urgh
Posted too soon
Involved the child coming to ours and me feeding them and hosting until mother had finished work.
It was massively disruptive and kept my younger child awake.
I did it for two years - last week last week and did it for the child. Barely a single bit of thanks and the only time I asked for the favour to be returned she tried to say no

absolutelyknackeredcow · 19/07/2019 19:54

Not sure I would do it again if I am absolutely honest

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 19:56

“Involved the child coming to ours and me feeding them and hosting until mother had finished work.
It was massively disruptive and kept my younger child awake.”

You have to admit that’s a bit different from taking a child somewhere you are going already and dropping them home on your way home!

absolutelyknackeredcow · 19/07/2019 20:00

Yes true - although my point was that they just got used to it and didn't even value it. Which I think is what has happened here

Howlovely · 19/07/2019 20:01

Sooty, your comments begin with you saying you would do it as you've been there, etc, but they get more and more ranty and aggressive until you call a stranger, who had been giving thankless assistance to this family for half a year, a 'selfish twat' for wanting to go on holiday and not planning said family holiday around ferrying this lad about. Maybe you didn't mean for them to come across like that (although there is only one way 'selfish twat' can be interpreted) but it really seems as though you had some kind of wasp for dinner. Good for you if you would delay your holiday, potentially annoy your husband and your own children by doing so and drive miles out of your way, basically completely change your holiday plans and make everybody spend even longer in the car, to give this boy a lift. You can spend the extra time in the car polishing your halo. However, nobody should be called a selfish twat for putting their own family first and not wanting to do this.

SootySueandSweeptoo · 19/07/2019 20:09

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

RedElephants · 19/07/2019 20:11

£20 on a Sunday from a small town railway station, approx 7.5 miles to the village where I live, on a Sunday.
I live in N.west Herts, 7 miles to the outskirts of one of the nearest towns and another cab back, this was £50 for a Friday evening, pick up 6.30pm and drop off well before 11pm, for 6 people.

SootySueandSweeptoo · 19/07/2019 20:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Ringsender2 · 19/07/2019 20:16

I'm still trying to get my head around the fare OP. Seems crazy. Also how can 4.7 miles take 40 minutes?

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 20:16

“The mother may be Satan incarnate for all I know but it’s the 10 year old who misses out.

I’d rather be a mug.“
Yep. Me too.

Incidentally, the village where I live has reasonably good public transport on week days but none at all on Sundays. A taxi to the nearest place where an activity might take place is between 15 and 20 quid, depending on time of day and which company you use. So 30/40 quid there and back. Which a lot of people simply couldn’t run to.

dustarr73 · 19/07/2019 20:19

I just find the overall tone of this thread so....grudging

I dont.I think most people would give the lift,unless it impacts them.And going on holiday is more important than the lift.

Howlovely · 19/07/2019 20:21

But Sooty she hasn't just asked for a lift! She's expecting the OP to change her holiday plans and find a solution to HER problem. She's been accepting lifts for her son for six months. And yet the OP says just once that, because of their family holiday, she can't take him and she then tried to emotionally blackmail the OP by saying her son would be heartbroken, as though it's the OP's fault, and suggest she delays her holiday to drop him at his nan's instead of saying, "No bother, I'll sort something out. Thanks for all you've done this year. Have a lovely holiday." You are jumping to the conclusion that they are poor, etc and berating people for 'tutting about asking for a lift' when actually you're the judgemental one! You've built up an image in your head of this poor, helpless family and the big, mean OP who has the ability to make it all better for this poor, down on their luck family but simply won't and that's not the case at all. The child will not fit in their car so she cannot take him.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 19/07/2019 20:21

YANBU.

The kid may be upset but he'll get over it and you're not the one going to have to deal with it anyway. If she's tries to emotionally blackmail you with his upset just ask her what she's going to do about it.

Peanutbuttericecream · 19/07/2019 20:23

The kid may be upset but he'll get over it and you're not the one going to have to deal with it anyway. If she's tries to emotionally blackmail you with his upset just ask her what she's going to do about it

Fuck me, you're all heart aren't you? @Contraceptionismyfriend

QuickThinkOfAName · 19/07/2019 20:23

Sooty you're implying that anyone who didn't do this 'quick 20 minute favour' is a selfish twat! What the fuck else are you saying?

Besides as previously discussed. It's not just 20 minutes out of her way. It's inconveniencing her family, it's physically an impossibility with all the camping stuff and a massive imposition on the ops younger children. But fuck how they are eh. You don't have so much concern for them.