Aibu to not give this child a lift?

[ByeByeBike]

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

I suppose it depends on whether or not he really can't go if you don't take him or if the mum could make alternative arrangements if she was really pushed.

I'd probably do the 20 min detour but then I'm probably a mug!

Why can't dad pick him up or gran if she drives?

For ppl saying "its only 20 minutes", it might not be as the OP may have to add another 20 minutes to the journey going back, so, on a good day, with NO traffic issues it may be an extra 40 minutes to a journey that is already going to be 2 hrs 30 mins long as it is.

But that's OK, screw the OP's family and holiday eh?

It’s so manipulative of her to tell you her son will be heartbroken if you don’t help her out. It’s the tyranny of the weak. I’d say no on that basis alone.

If it’s that important to her son then the parents should figure out another option than repeatedly guilt tripping OP.

“Yes a taxi would be expensive but she can take it out of what she's saved for last 6 months.”

Some people really don’t seem to understand how “paying for things” works!

She’s not necessarily saved anything over the last 6 months. If op hadn’t have been taking him it’s likely he wouldn’t have been able to go at all 🙄

How is the child getting home from GP house? Are GPs driving? They can take him to ceremony then from mums house?
Seems a bit mean but the mum using emotional blackmail when you already have been ferrying him around for a year is not on. How much would the taxi be?

Sorry if this has been said but can’t the Gran get a cab to fetch him - that would make the trip shorter. She needs to look towards her own family and pull a favour for this one.
I feel sorry for the boy that she doesn’t seem to be trying but expecting you to do all the compromising

Tell her ‘im sorry i can’t so this one this time, it was no problem taking him there all the other times but on this occasion it doesn’t work for us. I’m sure you understand’- that way you politely remind her you’ve been doing it all year and are putting your foot down.

Yes, let the poor kid whose parents have no spare cash be grateful for the OP's crumbs. His mum just needs to "pull her finger out" and find a job that pays her enough to fund a car. Then pass her test. And buy a car. And THEN she can drive her own DC, the lazy mare....

Do you know her then Sooty, as you seem to know her finances?

Also, you've been emotionally blackmailing OP throughout this thread, along with many others. You, and those others, accusing OP of being a selfish twat, or mean spirited and other such lovely, kind, nuggets, are as bad as this mother.

You're all forgetting that there are other children involved, one of whom, would find the extra time travelling, difficult. Having extra breaks, just makes the total travelling time even longer. Have you considered that the mother may say it's 20 minutes, but knows it's actually longer, or that they could be caught in traffic, making the journey take even longer?

I'm willing to bet anyone saying "it's only 20 mins just do it" etc is a non driver.

Dont do it. The cost of the taxi this once is a fraction of the amount you have saved her providing free transport for 6 months. She needs to just pay it, and if she can't afford that it's not your problem.

Just read the whole thread. Utterly flabbergasted at those castigating the OP. Sheer madness.

YANBU OP, you have plans. Of course it isnt your responsibility.

What is wrong with people. The biggest question is why no one from this poor boys family are going to his ceremony? Not that the OP cant take him THIS ONE TIME.

“I'm willing to bet anyone saying "it's only 20 mins just do it" etc is a non driver.”
WRONG!

Ffs, just say no!!! She’s so cheeky! She should have bought you the odd bottle of wine etc as thanks.

OP you said earlier that it was an even split - it’s really not. The voting is at 80/20.

The fact is, sometimes you won’t be able to do the lift and the other mum needs to have a plan B and be grateful - not emotionally guilt trip you. You have other plans and she’s choosing to not to find a way to do this.

YANBU in the slightest.

YANBU. She is being a CF and should sort it out herself but if she hasn’t by the presentation day I’d just take him to his grans after, for the kids sake

If dies depend on how she asked as well. If she said “i’m really sorry, and please say no, but Tommynis really upset about missing the presentation evening. There’s no way I can get him there because x and y- is there any way you could take him as far as his Gran’s house and he can get the bus home on Monday?”

I’d do the 20 minute detour.

I've only skimmed the thread, but I'm really cross with any poster who is suggesting the op is being mean by not taking him. No, no, no!! Op, you have been absolutely lovely throughout. The only response from the other mum, should have been 'no worries, thank you so much for all you've done.' It is bang out of order to guilt trip you.
The parents are the ONLY people with the responsibility to get him there. You have kindly helped out where you could.

There was a mum who took the piss out of me in this way about five years ago. Booked and paid for an activity she couldn't get her kid too, but then asked me 'as I was going anyway.' I did it, because I'm nice and at the time couldn't say no and it wasnt the (lovely) kids fault. After the whole year, with barely a thank you, I asked her for a favour (that she could do). She ignored the message and voicemail. I've never done anything for her since. Givers and takers op. Have the confidence to not have the piss taken.

You’re not being unreasonable, but it’s shit living rurally and not having a car. I’m fucked if mines having its MOT or whatnot. It’s miles just to the bus stop, and the cab company charges 12 quid before we even start the journey because we are miles from a town with taxi’s
If you can take the kid I would, It’s not a fault thing, it’s a shit reality of being a rural family.
You know you don’t have to, but you know it would help. It’s your call.

Introduce the child to the concept of Shank’s Pony. If he starts off now he should get to the awards for Sunday no problem. He’s sporty after all, shouldn’t be a problem. Stay strong OP YANBU.

It's only the parents who should feel bad about the child's disappointment - it really isn't the OPs problem

The child would feel bad, he's only 10 bless him. I know it's the parent's responsibility but what about the child?

@00100001

@arethereanyleftatall
I agree the OP doesn’t owe a thing, but it takes a village and all that, and it’s not the poor kids fault.
She shouldn’t put herself out, but she could honestly change a child’s whole summer.
Kindness breeds kindness.

'Kindness breeds kindness'
Lovely thought, but it doesn't I'm afraid. Some people just take the piss even more.