Aibu to not give this child a lift?

[ByeByeBike]

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

This may sound really mean, but I wouldn't take him this time, if she is that much of a CF she might not actually arrange a lift back or to his gran's house, then tell you when you are there that there has been a problem, and ask you to drop him home; but I am a bit of a cynic.

I think that continuing to do someone a favour whilst silently seething is a bit daft

when has the OP ever said that? They haven't, they are even happy to take the child next term, it's just this ONE time they can't give the child a lift because not only may there not even be room for the kid; it's the start of THEIR family holiday.

Do you begrudge the OPs family wanting to start their holiday on time?

I'm not going to go all "oh you had a blanket, we had to use my mums coat" with you because it's pointless and a moot point in this case.

My mum wouldn't have been able to scrap together a large taxi fee BUT she would have been so grateful for any person giving us a free lift for 6 months.

She also wouldn't have dared been a CF and asked someone to go out of their way for us. Because my mum would have known how lucky she would have been if someone had done this for one of her children.

Also we have NO idea what the CF mum's money situation is a lot of "assuming". They may be able to afford it or not.

Again a moot point as either the mum has to find a work around or the child doesn't go. Sucks I know but this is RL and shit happens.

I have told this story on MN before but seems pertinent to tell again.

My DM took a woman and son she had never met before to an event we were attending. Had been put in touch by the organisers, no problem to us, arranged a suitable place to meet them and collect them. The arrangement was we would drop them at the same place coming home. Child who would have been around 10 had a massive screaming jag when the time came and refused to get out of DM’s car. He wanted to be taken right home to his front door, his DM looked at my DM expectantly and yes we drove them right the way home. She tried to organise a regular pick up from us to events. My DM was far too polite to tell her to fuck off but we never did again.

@YoThePussy If the CF Mum keeps pushing that is exactly what could happen and her child could suffer in the long run rather than just accepting that for one day they have to make their own way. She really is cutting off her nose to spite her face... Silly woman.

I know the OP said she wouldn't cancel next year but if this CF keeps on her case she would be justified in doing so in my books.

I'd do the 20 mins as I'd feel sorry for the kid, but I think mum is a CF for pressuring you. I'd be far too embarrassed to do that to someone that had already done me a massive favour all term

@SootySueandSweeptoo

It really isn't (well, not in my world anyway). A world where you deliberately screw over your fellow human just to avoid being "mugged off" hmm is a bit sad really. If I can help someone, I do - and my "can" threshold is always higher for a child, because I'm soft like that.

A world where you screw over another human being, because you can't be arsed to take responsibility for your own kids, and push the responsibility and welfare for them onto other people (who have their own lives, and own children to care for,) and take the piss out of their good nature and kindness, just to avoid parenting your own child - coz you can't be arsed, is a bit sad really.

If I can help someone I will, but it will only be in an emergency, because I had YEARS of being mugged off by cheeky-fucker mums, who dumped their kids on me, left them for HOURS, expected me to feed them, expected me to pay them into places, (and never offered the money back,) and then slagged me off to the world and his wife when I stopped doing it.

Entitled fuckers like this, get so used to dumping their kids on others, and expecting the world to fall at their feet to accommodate them, that they get angry and defensive and aggressive when it stops.

These are the same arsewipes who not only moan that they have to look after their OWN CHILDREN in the school holidays, (like I said earlier,) but also borrow money (and items) off people and never give it back. And they ALWAYS expect the world to revolve around them and their brats, but NEVER give fuck-all back!

Cheeky

Entitled

Fuckers.

Period.

I would stick to your guns if saying no. Mainly because you have given her enough notice to sort it. She would get way less notice if it was because of illness!

Also what about, you take him to his grans, she isn't in (unlikely I know, but still worth thinking about) then you are really stuck for a huge amount of time and detour.

I would offer to put it on the facebook group if she isn't on it etc. But stick with a firm not this week. It happy to do it next year if needs be.

Double fare taxis on a Sunday? I have family members who work for a taxi firm which operates nationally in the UK, this is not a thing.
Yes fares increase at night and in bank holidays, Christmas etc they add a huge extra up front cost but they do not charge double on Sundays.
company I have knowledge of, does offer a UK wide service but for the sake of my sanity I will freely accept that it operates everywhere in the UK apart from your two tiny rural areas. Where taxi drivers charge double or whatever they like on a Sunday.

You do realise that 'nationwide' taxi firms do not operate in every corner of the UK?

All the taxis around here are private hire and charge what they like as they are self employed.

No 'ubers' no 'nationwide taxi firms' so sorry to say there are more than "two tiny rural areas".

What the hell is it with MN these days?
"It doesnt happen here so its not happening anywhere else in UK" over and over.

OP should buy a trailer for the camping gear so she can accommodate the child and the mother. Just kidding. Don't do it OK. CF always think they can take a years when you give them an inch. I was asked to give a child a lift home from a party as their home was on my way. When we arrived it turned out mother was at work and I had to make the trip into town to drop child at her workplace.
I used it take a friend's DD to a dance class every week. Some weeks I would turn up to collect her and she wasn't even ready. The parents never offered to share lifts so after the show we said our DD was dropping the class. She had too much other stuff going on anyway. Eventually they got off their arsed and got their DD there by themselves.

Apols havent read all response

But really annoys me the woman complains of cost of taxis on a sunday but is happy to let you pick up the petrol costs of taking HER son to the activity and back for 6 months!!

Stick to your guns - "so sorry we cant help on this occasion hipe you get sorted maybe ask another parent or the organiser of event to see if anyone may be able to help. If i don't see you have a good summer"

Also the dropping off at his nan's - if its impossible for her to get him home from the sporting venue how is she getting him home from his nan's?

@cheshirecat777 you are a perfect example of why you should RTFT.

Nowhere has the OP said that the mother is complaining about the cost of a taxi. It is the OP who has said that taxis are expensive on a Sunday in their area, OP says it’s double fare.

We don’t know why the mother didn’t just say yes to OP’s taxi suggestion. Possibly it’s not cost but not wanting to child in a taxi alone aged 10 (assuming she can’t attend too).

OP says activity is in the next town. In my area, the next town is £20. She also said double on Sundays. So that could be £80.

But whatever the cost of the taxi, or whether the other mother can afford it, or wants to afford it... the OP did not say the mother had complained about it.

So RTFT!!!

I would be wary if you pick him up and you are going to drop to Granny or she has someone to pick him up that you will get a phonecall saying Granny had to go out or the person who was meant to pick him up cannot make it and you will have to drop him home.

This.

I also think the other mom’s response should have been “ok, thank you for letting me know, i’ll arrange something, thank you for giving a lift for the last few months”

I think a lot of people may have missed what op said at 10:38 this morning: “I have no idea how he's getting back from his grans house, I assume that either she drives, or his dad/other family can give him a lift back later in the day.”

Although the mum doesn’t drive it appears he might have another parent who does. Obviously I know dad could be working but why could he not give the child and mum a lift to grans earlier in the day, and they could get a bus or taxi from there?

Also what if OP’s DP isn’t keen to add extra time onto their journey? Should she risk annoying him, and potentially their kids so as not to upset this other child?

Well obviously the other parent does have an issue with the cost of a taxi otherwise she would have just booked one and not tried it on guilt tripping OP

I hate these situations where you do someone a favour and then are made to feel like the bas guy by the recipient of the favour. Again i am not sure why taxis are double on sunday

It is entirely up to OP what she does and surely the other mother should have considered the fact there maybe times when OP wouldn't be able to help

Agree these v long threads can be misunderstood and become like Chinese whispers but clearly the other mother does not want to find any other solution that does not involve OP being put out

I think you should just tell the mum that you can't do either part of the journey because of your holiday. Car tetris is bad enough without an extra body. I assume you'll have equipment, clothes, food etc with you. To those saying it's only another 20/40 minutes - that could be the difference between doing the onward journey in one, or having to stop for toilet breaks etc, then arriving at the campsite later than planned, getting set up later, eating later... The first day of camping holidays can involve a lot of work whether you're setting up a tent, touring caravan, camper van etc. With young children it'll be more comfortable to keep the journey short and arrive well before dinner time.

I'd take the child, it's not his fault that his mum is a total twit and he will really feel like he'll be missing out and would be really upset, I don't think I could do that to a child

Although I'd make it very clear to mum that it is the last time you will go out of the way for HER DS and that she should really find appropriate means of transport next time

YANBU to not take him, but it's not his fault is it bless him, his mum is being the unreasonable one not him

Although, taxis shouldn't be double on a Sunday its hardly peak time. Bit strange...

Also OP needs to keep her head clear for the journey to make sure nothing is left behind. Having to worry about the detour on top of preparing for the camping trip might mean they forget to pack everything.

Its all very well saying just do it but what if something crops up and OP is even later getting on her journey? Should she just suck that up too?

If her car is packed with holiday gear there may not be room in there anyway, should she just unpack to accomodate this demanding mother?

The dad obviously drives so why isnt he putting himself out to make his sons ceremony important? Why cant he take the mother and the son to the grans the night before so they can walk to the event?

There are many ways to get round this including the taxi and NONE of them are the ops responsibility.

Many people are assuming that the mum and dad cannot afford a taxi, they might well be financially better off than op nobody can know this. Even if they arent its not ops responsibility to take a child to a hobby that the parents signed him up for knowing that they would have to rely on op every sodding time to take him. I bet there are plenty others going who could take him this once if only they asked.

Op is entitled to have her holiday and to leave on time and not have to be guilt tripped into considering someone else just this once.

To all those people saying OP should take the boy or be a 'selfish twat' (for such a lovely, helpful person Sooty, albeit self-confessed, you come across as aggressive and nasty) how do you suggest she do that? Her husband and two children will be ready and expecting to go on holiday after the event. Their car will be stuffed to the brim with camping and holiday gear. So what are you suggesting? That four people are inconvenienced and their holiday delayed so they can take this boy to the event? They should not bring some equipment they need, or maybe leave one of their children behind?!
I can't believe the cheek of the mother in thinking she is being helpful by suggesting an alternative to your saying you cannot take her child and you can drop him.at his nan's, like she's the one doing you a favour! She's rude. Hope you have a lovely holiday, OP.

Well obviously the other parent does have an issue with the cost of a taxi otherwise she would have just booked one and not tried it on guilt tripping OP

Well, no.

She may have a legitimate issue with the cost of a taxi/no other person to ask for help.

Or she may just be a guilt-tripping cheeky fucker who can't be arsed to sort out an alternative and prefers to make it OP's problem.

Overinvested in this one...

Yet again, we have all these people who can't read the effing thread.
The OP has no issue taking the boy under normal circumstances, so there is no need for her to tell the other mother she won't do it in future.
It is THIS ONE TRIP that is an issue, not just because of the extra time involved as they are not returning home, but BECAUSE THEY ARE GOING CAMPING AND THE CAR WILL BE FULL. So, all those people saying they'd "just be kind and take him" are missing the point. She can't. And there is plenty of time for the mother to either arrange something else or tell her son that he won't be able to attend. This is not the OP's problem to solve.

She's taking the piss you have been more than generous and guilt tripping you is well out of order.
Yes a taxi would be expensive but she can take it out of what she's saved for last 6 months.

@NoSquirrels soooooo true. 😂😂 bloody nightmare but I love it!!