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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 19/07/2019 15:14

YANBU.

The mother's first thought is to seek you out to guilt you for not accommodating her son🙄.

That would piss me off and ensure that I wouldn't hesitate to let her know. CF

Also, you will need every scrap of space in the car, so I doubt you will have space to bring him either.

I can't bare CF.

00100001 · 19/07/2019 15:16

"Anyway, how would he get from his nan's to the event? I'm assuming the nan can't drive, otherwise she could just pick him up."

well how would he get picked up/taken home from his Nan's? Confused

I fail to see why it is OPs responsibility to sort this, and she shouldn't be feeling guilty because the mother can't be arsed to get her own child to and from an event...

how is it the OPs problem that Taxis are double fare? Presumably the mother has contributed fuck all to the petrol up to now, so she can fork out if it's so important to her child that he's "heartbroken".

SootySueandSweeptoo · 19/07/2019 15:17

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Lweji · 19/07/2019 15:17

As I said, you can tell the ones (on here) who have been mugged off for YEARS by other parents, and the ones who DID the mugging off.

Yes. I'd love to know which you think are which.

rainbowstardrops · 19/07/2019 15:19

*The older I get the more I think the world is divided in to givers and takers.

Bloody hell, if someone had very kindly ferried my DC to an activity for six months and they said they would find it difficult to do so on one occasion (notwithstanding an important one) I would say straightaway "thanks for letting me know, you have been really kind all term, please don't give it another thought" and find a solution that didn't involve them. I'd also be buying them a very large box of chocolates!*

Absolutely!!!! ^

If the child can be dropped off at his gran's, can nobody from there come and pick him up???

If you really want to carry on with the arrangement next year then you are going to have to make it clear that there will be times when you can't give him a lift and that she'll need a back up plan.

If she is totally and genuinely stuck then I'd probably offer to take the child to his gran's just this once. That's if you've got the room!
(Remembering our camping days with two kids squished in the back!)

Badcat666 · 19/07/2019 15:22

Have you ever been camping Sooty?

I did as it was the only holiday we could afford growing up, you couldn't flipping MOVE and everything had to be put in a certain place to ensure we all fitted in the car (including the dog!)

You couldn't fit a flea in, let alone another human being.

So it isn't a "faff"; trying to fit everything you need for a camping trip into a car is like if Tetris and a military operation had a baby.

Yabbers · 19/07/2019 15:26

I've given her a few days notice - it's not like I cancelled on the day or the day before!

That’s very short notice. I assume the holiday has been booked for a while. You should have told her much sooner.

LikeothersIamjustme · 19/07/2019 15:28

Can she not cycle there and back with her son?

Peanutbuttericecream · 19/07/2019 15:29

The OP has been fantastic in giving this child a lift, so many times. This child has benefited so much from her kindness and will no doubt be very upset to miss the event.

On the other hand, the responsibility for getting the child there sits completely with his parents. His parents should also attend
to support their son.

A double fee for a taxi for this occasion would seem to me. to be the way forward. However, if the parents are such dicks that they refuse to do this, should the OP step up? Perhaps she should for the sake of a child.

I understand why the OP is conflicted.

heath48 · 19/07/2019 15:33

Don’t do it,it’s the start of your holiday.

The other Mother is trying to make you feel guilty,hate it when people do that.Her child is not your responsibility,having the nerve to ask you in the first place would piss me right off.

Gooseysgirl · 19/07/2019 15:33

Absolutely not. She's a total CF after the massive favour you have done for her all along. She needs to organise her own transport on this occasion, be that a cab or a lift with someone else. Great suggestion from you to check on the activity FB page to see if anyone else could oblige.

00100001 · 19/07/2019 15:35

"However, if the parents are such dicks that they refuse to do this, should the OP step up? Perhaps she should for the sake of a child."

Why would she have to step up for "the sake of the child" and not the actual parents of said child?

It's only the parents who should feel bad about the child's disappointment - it really isn't the OPs problem!

KendalMint · 19/07/2019 15:37

What will happen if when the CF mother announces on Sunday just as they are all setting off that the Gran is now suddenly very poorly and cannot take the little boy after the activity?

dustarr73 · 19/07/2019 15:38

OP, there is another solution of course. You do not pack the car with your camping equipment. You take your child and little friend to the sporting awards. You then, after the awards drive dear little friend home to his entitled mummy and return to your by now apoplectic DH and have to then pack the car with all your gear. Several hours later than planned you set off and arrive at your destination so knackered and stressed out you spend the entire holidays clutching a series of ever emptying gin bottles.

Im surprised the other mother didnt suggest this

alittlerayofsunshine · 19/07/2019 15:40

@Lweji

Don't be pedantic. It's bloody obvious who are the givers and who are the piss taking CFs!

TanyaChix · 19/07/2019 15:41

She’s a CF. A taxi-needing one, at that.

NoSquirrels · 19/07/2019 15:43

If it were anything other than a camping trip I might reconsider.

But I can only assume the people saying OP should do it don’t go camping. There just won’t be room to even take him!

SootySueandSweeptoo · 19/07/2019 15:43

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alittlerayofsunshine · 19/07/2019 15:43

@ByeByeBike

As a few pps have said, something will go wrong with nana, and you will be stuck with said child, and be delayed on your trip.

You have fuck-all responsibility for this child, and it's pissing obvious you don't. Anyone saying you are wrong or heartless to not help this wee boy and his poor vulnerable iccle mummy, need to give their head a wobble. As I said, the entitled CFs on here stand out a MILE.

sockatoe · 19/07/2019 15:44

What a selfish, ungrateful woman. Don't change your holiday plans to facilitate her helplessness. You have been very kind and helpful to her and her child. This is your holiday. Please don't feel an ounce of guilt for putting your family first.

NoSquirrels · 19/07/2019 15:47

I think that continuing to do someone a favour whilst silently seething is a bit daft.

OP hasn’t said she resents it - in fact, she’s said she’s happy to carry in but in this one particular occasion it’s too tricky.

No one has any idea if the Mum can’t afford a taxi.

Anyway, there’s almost bound to be someone else who will feel sorry enough for the 10 year old & offer on this occasion if the Mum asks around.

dustarr73 · 19/07/2019 15:51

3 days is plenty of notice.What if the op or heer kids woke up sick.

Doesnt matter what way you look at it,the other mother should have had a back up plan.And if she didnt then the child doesnt do the activity.

This is what happens when you give people favours,they take the piss..

@ByeByeBike the only thing to do now is not take him at all.That way you wont be forced to come back with him when the grans not in.Harsh but teh only way you get to go on your holiday on time.

SootySueandSweeptoo · 19/07/2019 15:59

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SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/07/2019 15:59

About a person who has been saving the costs of transporting her child once a week for six months

She hasn't actually "saved" any money. If OP hadn't offered to take her son, the child wouldn't have gone at all, so it would have cost her nowt.

It's the child who has benefitted from OP's kindness - not the mother.

I think you should do what you are happiest with OP - either way you have been very kind.

Butterymuffin · 19/07/2019 16:00

I strongly suspect the Mum can sort out another option but it’s just easier if OP would sort it for her.

Yes I think so too. Is there no other adult in the family, or known to the family, who could make themselves available just this once to drive him?