Aibu to not give this child a lift?

[ByeByeBike]

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

@SarahTancredi thanks for the
I didn’t say the OP should have to take the child to his grandparent. Actually, I said the grandparent should collect.
My point is, even though the solution proposed isn’t suitable for OP, it shows that the mum is trying to sort something out.

Even if people think OP should say no, I don’t understand why so many people want to demonise the other mother as a guilt tripping cheeky fucker!

These are most likely just two perfectly nice mums, and the situation is a shame.

I don’t know why some posters enjoy dramatising the mother into some long term cheeky fucker. She’s just a woman who accepted a freely offered regular lift, is a bit stuck at short notice for this weekend, and has offered the grandparent house solution.
Fine that it doesn’t work for OP, but it doesn’t make the mum some terrible taker-bitch!

@IncandescentShadow where did the OP say she was fed up or that the mother had an entitled attitude?

OP has been perfectly lovely about the other mum. She has no issue with the lifts, is happy to continue next term. OP just can’t do it this weekend and - because of the special event - is unsure if she is being unreasonable.

There is a lot of vitriol on this thread for the mum - but none of it came from the OP.

"Yes, let the poor kid whose parents have no spare cash be grateful for the OP's crumbs. His mum just needs to "pull her finger out" and find a job that pays her enough to fund a car. Then pass her test. And buy a car. And THEN she can drive her own DC, the lazy mare...."

Yes, that's exactly what I was saying

I wouldn't call ferrying him for 6months "crumbs" & I'm thinking that it's an activity that they have managed to pay for although could be wrong on that.

He's hardly a poor kid if he's done an activity that he wanted to for 6months is he?

I am sure the only time taxis would be double (on Sunday) is if it was Boxing day ... Or new years day. If it's Easter Sunday (always a Sunday obvs!) or Christmas Day is on a Sunday, it may even be triple.

But normal Sundays? No. Not that I know of.

@ByeByeBike if I were you yes I would put yourself out for this lad this time... take him to his nan's after.

BUT!

After this, you STOP the constant lifts. Shame for the kid, but this is not your responsibility. Many parents take the piss. I had it when MINE were kids. People letting their kids come around to our place, not picking them up when they were meant to, neither us OR the child were able to contact the parents, and we ended up feeding them (lunch AND dinner sometimes) and then taking them home at 8 or 9pm. And it happened a LOT.

We also got lots of parents letting us/expecting us to give their kids lifts. Even the ones who had cars. Coz they couldn't be arsed. These are the same fuckers who dread school holidays, because they don't know what to do with their kids. Most normal parents (who actually like their kids,) would surely look forward to their holidays so they can spend time with them!

But re your issue, yeah I don't miss this at all.

As for the few posters here who are defending the mum, and calling people 'heartless' who think she is a CF. It's clear enough that YOU are totally entitled, and will kick off if people don't bow to your demands, no matter what THEY may have planned. This must be correct, if you think this CF mother of this lad has done nothing wrong, and the OP absolutely MUST accommodate this lad!

Why the fuck is it up to the OP to sort this lad (and his mother's) problems?

As I said, a few CFs on here too!

But the grandparent isnt going to collect as the op said she had to take him there.

Now if the mother doesnt drive then hows she gonna get him.from the grans. Either the gran drives in which case she should be asking her not guilting the op. Or someone else is bringing him home. In which case again why isnt she asking them not the op.

Pure cfery

OP this is NOT your problem. WHy should your holiday be delayed, or your kids feel uncomfortable spending longer than necessary in car.

DON’T take the child because I guarantee Nan won’t be hone or there will be some sort of issue,

I found myself in a similar situation a while back, taking my DD to a sport which her Friend wanted to attend too. If we were going I didn’t mind taking the other child. It was an extra 10 mins to collect the child. Not a problem. Then child got more involved competitively, my child just playing for fun, and I was expected to wait the extra half hour for the other child to finish before we could return home. At first my DD didn’t mind, but then it was a chore. I to.d mum we couldn’t keep doing this and she complained that they were training for a tournament, it was nearly upon them etc, so sad, poor childetc.etc. I was seriously thinking we wouldsuck it up for a few more weeks then found out the tournam3nt was an hour away and she was expecting me to take them all (her, 2 kids and her dh) which meant no room for my DD .

That arrangement came to a swift end. Last I heard she managed to find another parent to take her family and coaches took her DD.

Back away OP.

@SootySueandSweeptoo

Maybe the OP can put you in contact with the mother of said child so you can give her the 20squid?

£20 to you might mean nowt but to me it's a lot!

My mum and dad sometimes couldn't afford for us to do activities, we were just told that sorry, we can't afford it or sorry we can't afford to go there. No biggie.

I assume if the OP does ferry the child to the Grans then somehow someone in the family would have to ferry them home or the child would have to stay at the Grans and go home on the bus on Monday.

That is, if they have room in the car, or should they tie the kid to the roof or leave important camping equipment behind?

"Sorry darling, you have to sleep on the hard floor because we couldn't fit in the blow up beds as we had to give little Timmy a lift and sorry we are putting the tent up in the dark as we got stuck in a 3 hour traffic jam dropping little Timmy off at his grans"

For the child I would say one last time and in future she needs to arrange something else.
The child shouldn't suffer.

“As for the few posters here who are defending the mum, and calling people 'heartless' who think she is a CF. It's clear enough that YOU are totally entitled, and will kick off if people don't bow to your demands”

Yep.
Me to a T that is!

I strongly suspect the Mum can sort out another option but it’s just easier if OP would sort it for her.

If I was off camping immediately after the Sunday activity I would say I couldn’t do it at all & the Mum needs to find a different solution just for this week, normal service to be resumed next term.

The Mum’s appropriate response to that should have been “Thanks for letting me know - totally understand. I’ll try and sort something else out for DS.”

Not a guilt-trip about how devastated and heartbroken her DS is and “could you just” do this or that.

I don't think yabu at all here op. You have happily given the child a lift for 6 months and on this occasion, you can't. Yes, the child might be disappointed, but he would be if your car had broken down, or you were ill. Would the other mother expect you to hire a car to drive her child to the event, if your car were broken, or would she expect you to struggle in, if you were ill? Sometimes things happen that mean the usual plan doesn't work. This is one of those times. She either explains to her child that it's disappointing, but that's life, or she finds an alternative way of getting the child there. It is certainly not your responsibility to solve her problem for her.

Whatever they are planning to do to get him.back from his gran's house they can do to pick him up from the activity.

And if the plan is he stays the night and public transport is used on Monday?

Then he can go to his nan's friday

And if the plan is he stays the night and public transport is used on Monday?

Then the child travels up the day before to his Nans and stays overnight and then the grandparents sort out how to get him to and from the said event.

Again, not the OP's problem. Its more the mother to sort out. her child, her issue.

I would be wary if you pick him up and you are going to drop to Granny or she has someone to pick him up that you will get a phonecall saying Granny had to go out or the person who was meant to pick him up cannot make it and you will have to drop him home.

How would this mum cope if your car broke down, or you were too ill to go to the sport, would she expect you to still take her child if your child was injured or had decided to not attend any more? Don't feel guilty for not being able to take this child the week you are going away, the mum is hoping that if she makes you feel guilty enough you will change your mind. Just keep on saying, sorry that doesn't work for us & repeat. She sounds to me like any hint that you are weakening, she will be pushing & pushing until you change your mind. On the day, I would make sure phones are on do not disturb because I could see her trying right up to the last minute instead of making her own arrangements.

The most amusing thing on this thread are all the countless reasons why the OP might not be able to take him on any one day that are totally irrelevant

Maybe OP could share her location and I'm sure some of you near by would be happy to help, send her £20?

Or we could set a gofundme to get CF lady driving lessons and a car, or a limo with a chauffeur?

As I said, you can tell the ones (on here) who have been mugged off for YEARS by other parents, and the ones who DID the mugging off.

Both sides are standing out a mile.

As I said, you can tell the ones (on here) who have been mugged off for YEARS by other parents, and the ones who DID the mugging off

Unmitigated bollocks.

I’m the parent who is happy to do favours for others. I just don’t feel like it’s a massive effort to do something that helps someone else out.

“As I said, you can tell the ones (on here) who have been mugged off for YEARS by other parents, and the ones who DID the mugging off.”

Ooh- which am I, please?

Sooty I had sympathy for you as someone who clearly empathises with the child in this situation. Right up until you called the op a selfish twat. Yeah then I lost my sympathy.

You're worse than the mother. You're emotionally blackmailing the op to pick up the slack to the detriment of her own family and I presume hard earned family holiday for someone who has not bothered to arrange travel for her own child.

What happens if the op is sick or her child and they miss a week? Is the mum expecting her to pull her bloody finger out and give her dc a lift anyway?

And I don't know how old the ops younger children are but my two would find a 2.5 hour trip hard enough. There would need to be at least one stop probably two. I can guarantee tears from the youngest. But I love the people saying a near 3 hour journey is just fine for everyone.

As I said, you can tell the ones (on here) who have been mugged off for YEARS by other parents, and the ones who DID the mugging off.
Not sure which category i would fall into, i would be more than happy to give a lift to a child if i was going anyway. In this case, it is not convenient to do so.

Not your problem!

Then he can go to his nan's friday

Given that everyone is making scenarios up, perhaps she can't manage him for two nights.

Anyway, how would he get from his nan's to the event? I'm assuming the nan can't drive, otherwise she could just pick him up.

Personally I'd just drop him off, assuming there was room in the car for him. Traveling with children always seems to take longer than planned and somebody always needs to stop for the loo or whatever, so I'd not be worried about 20 minutes.