Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 13:59

A few days notice isn’t that great, to be fair. When did you plan the holiday, op? Surely not just three days ago? Hmm

Paramicha · 19/07/2019 14:00

I don't drive, and occasionally in years gone by a parent would regularly take my child to a club. If they were off or had other plans though we had to get a taxi.
I always offered money but they wouldn't accept as going there already, but I always got a very decent thank you present for them.

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 14:01

Yesterday!! You kept that very salient fact under your hat while everyone was ripping the other mum apart!! God almighty

mamansnet · 19/07/2019 14:03

She then text me a bit later to say that we could take him there and then drop him at his grans who lives a bit closer to the activity.

'No sorry, that doesn't work for us. We have no room for him in the car anyway with all our camping gear. I'm afraid you'll need to make other arrangements for this week. See you when they start back in September!'

SarahTancredi · 19/07/2019 14:04

A few days notice isn’t that great, to be fair. When did you plan the holiday, op? Surely not just three days ago?

It would be even less time of one of them woke up puking that morning and didnt go.

Shes free to decide when to go and when not to go. If someone is helping you out like that then you have a back up plan or accept this stuff will happen.

If you cant then dont sign your kid up for stuff that's impossible for you to take them to.

ButtonMoonLoon · 19/07/2019 14:05

Oh, three days notice isn’t great, actually. Not long at all to put another plan in place. I can sort of understand her feeling upset tbh
I think the very least you could do at this point is to help with exploring other options for lifts etc

cstaff · 19/07/2019 14:05

So how many days notice should be mother need. Even if she gave her a weeks notice it sounds like she would have got the same reaction. Just say no OP and let her make her own arrangements. You have been very obliging for the last 6 months and have no reason to feel guilty for this one off cancellation.

DarlingCoffee · 19/07/2019 14:05

Some people are unbelievable. I would offer to take him there and then she can organise the pick up. Massive cf-ery!!

rookiemere · 19/07/2019 14:05

I really find it difficult to believe that you're being given a hard time for a) not giving free lift mum months of notice and b) for not extending the already long enough drive to the campsite.

Sounds like you've been too nice to the other DM who doesn't appreciate that the only appropriate response when your free lift for the past 6 months is unable to help is "Thanks so much for all the lifts this term, wee Timmy enjoys the karate so much it's so kind of you to have been able to take him there and back every week. Yes absolutely we'll sort something else out - enjoy your holiday "

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 14:06

True, Sarah, but unforeseen events are just that. It’s a bit mean not to give a decent heads up if you actually can.

Belenus · 19/07/2019 14:07

They'll have a car full of camping equipment and clothes, were are they supposed to fit her in?

Roofrack?

Hopefully someone on the FB group will be going roughly in the right direction and will be able to drop him back, problem solved.

And yes, there are places in the UK with no buses on a Sunday and expensive taxis. You don't have to be that far out to be beyond the reach of national firms. They might say they cover your area, but they'll make you pay for it.

WidowTwonky · 19/07/2019 14:07

Agree that 2.5 hr car trip is fine, 3 hr car trip is pushing it and may need a break.
So there is a difference

rookiemere · 19/07/2019 14:08

Maybe suggest the taxi " Maybe you could get a taxi there and back ? Wee Timmy would really appreciate having someone there for him at the prize giving ( or whatever it is)"

I must say it would really make me rethink any future lifts.

SarahTancredi · 19/07/2019 14:08

Oh, three days notice isn’t great, actually. Not long at all to put another plan in place

A plan should always be in place. People move people get sick. People drop out of activities etc

What does she do if her kid gets sick half way through. Would she expect the op to make 2 lots of trips. Expect her to look after her sick child while the other one finishes up? Should op pull her kid out early to take the other kid home?

Badcat666 · 19/07/2019 14:09

Just no.. no OP.

What if you agree to drop off at the nans then you get stuck in traffic and the "20 minute" journey turns out to be 2 hours each way?

Or you turn up at the nans house and she isn't in and you are left wasting your holiday time chasing the CF mother to get the nan to get her arse back home to look after her grandchild.

Don't let the start of your holiday be potentially ruined just because some CF of a mother cannot be arsed to sort out her own child's traveling arrangements.

And another thing, why isn't she going to the reward ceremony or was she hoping to squeeze in your car as well on the day for more free CF travel??

I don't drive and would NEVER do this. You have saved that woman so much time and money by taking their child along.

It's NOT your fault or responsibility to get the child there, it is HERS.

FFS... eye twitches

BusterTheBulldog · 19/07/2019 14:10

Op, this is totally not on you! You’ve taken him all year and will do so again next year, it’s one day you can’t do the return leg! It makes perfect sense to go straight to hols from activity and I wouldn’t be detouring if you can avoid it (which you can!). I’m sure there must be another child going from the vicinity they could lift share with, as you’ve said she can post on local Facebook group etc! And if a taxi to grandmas is required then surely fine due to all petrol costs saved all year?!

SarahTancredi · 19/07/2019 14:11

Truthfully head she doesn't actually owe this other parent anything.

Thos is the chance you take when you make these arrangements. If you are not prepared to put up with it then sort your own travel out .

One in six months is actually really lucky. People are usually far more flaky

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 14:14

No, I fully agree. I just would have told the other mum as soon as I realised, (and I wonder why op didn’t) but I know no obligation for any of this lies with the op.

WildfirePonie · 19/07/2019 14:15

YANBU, who cares if you only told her 3 days ago? Not your problem!

SnakesAndStones · 19/07/2019 14:16

yanbu. If you felt able to drop him at his nan's, that would be very kind, but you don't want to and that's ok to stick to your plan of going straight on your holiday. You've been very kind, done them a huge favour all year, and she should stump up for a taxi or ask on the group for an alternative lift.

rookiemere · 19/07/2019 14:16

OP did tell her as soon as she realised the implications of the logistics.

Badcat666 · 19/07/2019 14:16

And also 3 days notice is better than none. You can arrange a lot in 3 days and gives them plenty of time to call around for help.

Why can't the child go to their nans the day before the ceremony? (when taxis are cheaper and buses run)

What if the OP's child was sick on the day? Would everyone still think the OP should drive the other child there?

Its not the OPs job to get said child to A-Z. They were just nice enough to offer but things happen and plans change and the happiness of her children and their holiday plans trump the child.

Not OP's fault and not the childs, it's the Cheeker fucker of the mother if she can't be arsed to re-arrange transport for her beloved offspring.

NoSquirrels · 19/07/2019 14:18

I think you just need to say you have realised with all the camping gear that you can’t even fit him in on the way there, so you suggest maybe he should stay over at his gran’s the night before or try for a lift with someone else instead. That you’re sorry but it’s just logistics on this occasion and you’re otherwise really happy to keep taking him.

She needs to fix this for her son, not you. She could get in touch with the coaches to explain.

Longdistance · 19/07/2019 14:18

Three days notice is plenty. I can’t see how even giving a weeks notice would make much difference, it takes two seconds to call a taxi.
His mum should show some interest and go along to the awards ceremony with her ds and take that taxi.

SarahTancredi · 19/07/2019 14:18

She was preparing for holiday. Worrying about someone elses kid would easily slip someones mind. I'm.sure it wasnt intentional.

No one should have to plan their holidays around other people like that.

Hell if I knew someone was going away I'd not even dream of expecting them to take my child as normal. If anything I'd be offering to take both kids fir once to give the other parent am extra hour or 2 to pack up the car/drop pets off etc

Swipe left for the next trending thread