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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:

SolitudeAtAltitude · 19/07/2019 12:45

I would take the kid one more time, then cut ties with this CF mum

the entitlement!!!!

bikerclaire · 19/07/2019 12:46

To be honest I'd probably tke the detour then go off on hols knowing I'd done a lovely good deed for this poor child who obviously misses out on stuff due to his mum's position.

avocadotofu · 19/07/2019 12:48

I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable. I think you've already helped out enough.

cstaff · 19/07/2019 12:48

@lolly25

My thoughts exactly. Where is the child's mother on his last and special day at his activity. She should be making an effort and taking an interest, at least on this special one off occasion.

flooredbored · 19/07/2019 12:52

The OP has very kindly given the child a lift for 6 months! I think the parent is being incredibly rude and ungrateful. Even if the fares were double on a Sunday and no public transport available, she should deal with it. It is not on to try and guilt trip the OP. Frankly, the child will survive missing the end of term session. It's not uncommon for children to miss these sorts of events for other reasons.

dozy12345 · 19/07/2019 12:52

I’d take the boy - the mum should be very appreciative of the last 6 months, and should have given you a little gift, but it’s 20 mins - it’s not like it’s an 8 hour drive where they’ll be climbing the walls at the end.

You have varied the rules and it sounds like if it had been in any way easy for her to get there she’d have done so.

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 12:52

“You have taken the load for 6 months”

I must have missed where the OP said she piggy-backed the children to the activity!

YouMaySayImADreamer · 19/07/2019 12:53

I'd be quietly seething at the cheek of her, however I would probably do the 20 minute option for the sake of her dc. No way would I agree to the 40 minute detour - the absolute cheek of it.

This would only be because it was the presentation day and I would feel a little cruel on the child. However if there is ever a future situation where you want to go elsewhere afterwards, I would be firm about saying no.

MrMeSeeks · 19/07/2019 12:54

Yanbu, you’ve been doing her a favour for 6 months. You’re going on holiday, it’s up to her to make arrangements for her child.

TheCatThatDanced · 19/07/2019 13:00

OP - I know you say you don't mind doing this etc - but I'd seriously rethink your future plans if the mum is being a CF like this.

My DM had a sort of situation like this but tied into one of her closest friends and her DCs (same ages as me and DB). For a few years when we were younger the DFriend and her DCs came on holiday with us a few times (holiday cottage in the country (very cheap) and holiday bungalow by seaside, free) - they came as we gave them a lift and it was a cheap holiday and company for all. I'm sure the DFriend would've offered money towards my DM but now, years later the friendship has died and my DM has kind of wondered a few times, was she convenient for this DFriend with outings like this? There was a slight falling out but things tailed off way beforehand.

Isatis · 19/07/2019 13:06

If there is a way for him to get back from his gran's, there must be a way for him to get to there. Logically his gran could collect, by taxi if necessary. Surely it would be nicer for him to have a relative there anyway?

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 19/07/2019 13:07

After your update saying you are going camping, I would be going back to the Mum and saying you have now realised there will be no room to take her son to the activity as the car will be packed to the gunnels with camping gear (I know mine always is). Tell her she needs to arrange a lift there and pack for her son herself this time, that she, you know, needs to parent her own child on this occasion.

Stickytoffeepuddingyum · 19/07/2019 13:07

i think for the sake of 20 minutes out of your way and letting the child go to the awards/ presentation is something i would do.

I know it's not your problem but you've taken the boy every week for 6 months, it would be nice if he could attend the final week.

Its not his fault his mum is being cheeky

Liverbird77 · 19/07/2019 13:09

I get where you're coming from but... poor child! It is horrible enough his mum doesn't seem to want to come to the awards night, now he may have to miss it altogether.
I would take him and drop him at Gran's on this occasion.
The break in the activity would be a good time to tell the mum you are no longer prepared to give lifts. This will give her ample time to make alternative arrangements.
Yanbu to be irritated by this, but I don't think it's fair for the child to be left "heartbroken", even though it is the mother's fault, not yours.

Isatis · 19/07/2019 13:10

“That’s not true, they’re choosing not to go. Taxis are available, but they’re expensive.“

Says a person with spare money........

About a person who has been saving the costs of transporting her child once a week for six months.

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 19/07/2019 13:12

YANBU. The correct answer from the mum would have been, “Thanks for the heads-up. See you there with little Johnny!” followed up with her appearing on the with an enormous box of chocolates to thank you for your time and trouble.

While the other mum may be cheeky it's also possible she can't afford the taxi and their is no bus. I've lived places where the earliest bus on a Sunday was after mid-day, one place I think it was about 2.30pm.

The Grandparents thing, maybe they don't drive but there is a bus from nearby? Or perhaps the child would spend the night there and go home on Monday.

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 13:14

And now somebody is comparing giving a lift to a child to a place you are going already with giving a family a free holiday!

Isatis · 19/07/2019 13:15

Except OP isn't going there already, Bertrand. And she has to fit a load of camping gear and holiday luggage into the car so there probably won't be space anyway.

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 13:18

Well, if she can’t fit him in the car the problem’s easily solved then, isn’t it!

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 13:18

If she was going there already there wouldn’t be any issue. Isn’t this the whole point?!

BertrandRussell · 19/07/2019 13:20

I was responding the people going on about what a heavy burden the OP has been bearing this past 6 months........

urbanlife · 19/07/2019 13:20

Out of kindness to the child, I would drop him at Gran's for the ceremony, it is just 20 mins out of your way, and then over the summer I would end this arrangement.

diddl · 19/07/2019 13:20

" it's also possible she can't afford the taxi and their is no bus."

So then she makes other arrangements if she can or her son doesn't go.

Her problem to sort out, not Op's.

I'm taking it that there's no father in the vicinity?

Howyiz · 19/07/2019 13:22

dozy12345 it's 20 minutes tacked onto a 2 and a half hour journey. Making their journey 3 hours?
I wouldn't want to add any time to an already long (for children) journey.

Tigger001 · 19/07/2019 13:23

I would most definitely just drop him at his Grans as its only a slight detour and it's so sad to jet the child miss out on something they have done because their family cannot afford a taxi......it's nice to be nice, that's a society I would like to live in.

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