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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not give this child a lift?

804 replies

ByeByeBike · 19/07/2019 09:40

My DC do a sporting activity in the next town over on a Sunday morning. One of my ds' classmates wanted to go along too but his mum doesn't drive. So for the past 6 months we've been ferrying him to and from the sports club.

This Sunday is the last week of it before the summer break and they have their big club presentation/awards ceremony which all the kids really look forward to.

However, this week we're driving there and then heading straight off from there on our holiday. I explained to the DC's mum that we wouldn't be able to give a lift this week as we're not driving back to hometown after the awards.

Apparently her ds is heartbroken he can't come to the final day and will miss the awards ceremony. She is begging us to please give him a lift there and then either drop him back home (would be a 40 minute detour for us) or drop him at his grans house (would add 20 minutes onto our journey).

I know that if we go for his grans house then it's only a tiny delay towards our holiday but I just really had it set in my mind that we would just head straight from the activity to our holiday, we have quite a long car journey to get there and could do without our DC being cooped up in the car for any extra time.

OP posts:
SootySueandSweeptoo · 19/07/2019 12:12

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

StormTreader · 19/07/2019 12:16

Does no-one else in the event drive that she can ask? Surely it cant be a choice between "either you do it or literally no-one can do it"?

Drum2018 · 19/07/2019 12:18

I wouldn't do it. You told her you weren't available. She had some cheek trying to launch a guilt trip on you. Simply tell her you are travelling in the opposite direction and cannot facilitate a lift. If she gives that much of a shit about her child she will figure out an alternative. Bottom line is it's her responsibility to organise her child for the day, not yours.

Jojobythesea · 19/07/2019 12:19

@ByeByeBike I know for a fact we would not be able to fit another person in our car if we were loaded up for camping. We can barely squeeze in an extra teabag 😂😂😂 I think you need to explain in hindsight the offer to take him is no good either.

Catquest1 · 19/07/2019 12:20

This is the difficulty with arrangements like this - if you are the person reliant on a lift then you do need a plan b in case something happens - illness, car breakdowns or simply not able to go one week for example. The op might have decided not to go the last session and go straight on holiday and she would be perfecrly entitled to do that.

The op has happily (from what i can gather) taken the lad for the last 6 months. If she's given plenty of notice that she cant do this particular week then i dont see that she is at fault for that - if i was the lads mother i would have just accepted that and tried to work out another solution that didnt involve the OP.

Slightly different but i frequently help my neighbours out by walking their children to school. If im at work and cant do it i dont then make arrangements for their children just as i dont expect them to sort out my childcare if they cant help me

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/07/2019 12:20

Taxis being double fare is Not Your Problem

HeadintheiClouds · 19/07/2019 12:21

I doubt op is the only game in town. I imagine she’s just done it for so long that the other mum no longer really sees it as the favour it is and treats it as some sort of entitlement, even if she doesn’t call it that.
Some people do this.

Jaxhog · 19/07/2019 12:21

This day was bound to come. You've given her DS a lift for 6 months, which is pretty decent of you, even if it hasn't inconvenienced you much. So this is the first time you can't do it. I think she needs to be grateful for the past 6 months, and make her own arrangements for her DS to attend this time. She has saved a fortune thanks to you. It doesn't seem unreasonable to expect her to pay for a taxi this one time. If it's that important to her DS.

F2Feee · 19/07/2019 12:24

Wow her absolute cheekiness would make me definitely not want to do it!
Cant she bloody make arrangements for her child for one day. Nah tell her to jog on.

Justaboy · 19/07/2019 12:27

ByeByeBike Its a great pity that there arent more kind people around like you the world would be a better place if there were:)

It is, all the same kind to take the other child with you and as you say its no real extra expense and whats really good is that your son and the other boy i bet get on well becase of their combined activity and if it wern't for your kindness that wouldnt be happening.

We don't really know anything about the other mum involved she may be well off she might be poorer than the church mouse we just don't know. I do expect that she is greatfull for your help anyway I know i would be if i were in her place.

So perhaps if possible if anyome else can be found thats the answer and to those who baulk at the costs of rural transport then try living there you do not have to go far from the towns and cities to find out just how isolating these places can be!, bin there and really OK if you can afford a car but not much fun otherwise.

Perhaps if you can't find another driver and mum can't afford the Taxi fare would you contemplate the extra 20 mins? If i could spare that time over the phone/net you'd be more than welcome:)

ButtonMoonLoon · 19/07/2019 12:31

Does she not have anyone else who could pick him up or could she not do so on public transport?

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 19/07/2019 12:33

Can gran pick him up?

She must be able to drive as otherwise he will surely be marooned at hers for eternity

Boysey45 · 19/07/2019 12:34

Taxi are not double fare on a Sunday anywhere in the U.K!. I'd tell her no and she has to sort out her own childs transport from now on. You have done more than enough to help this child out. She can get a taxi or the bus. They could even cycle.

Its best not to get involved with any lift giving in the first place.

UrsulaPandress · 19/07/2019 12:35

I clicked YANBU in the vote thingy but I would be split in what to do. I'm an old softy at heart and would probably drop him at his gran's if there was room in the car. But I would also quietly seethe about the situation.

My mum used to take a fellow teacher shopping once a week during their lunchbreak. Mum was going anyway so refused payment but every so often the liftee would buy her a gift of some sort to say thank you.

Howyiz · 19/07/2019 12:35

If someone can collect him from his GP, can they not just collect him from the activity? He could also get a taxi to his grandparents?
It seems like rather than try and find a solution she wants you to find the solution for her. Glad to see you have put the ball firmly back in her court.

StCharlotte · 19/07/2019 12:36

I've suggested to her that she asks on the activity Facebook group to see if anyone is heading in his grans direction after and could give him a lift.

Good plan OP.

MRex · 19/07/2019 12:36

She's so rude! I'd drop him to his gran out send him in a taxi there, because it's the boy missing out. I'd tell her how much she owes me for the taxi but doubt she'd pay. It's such a shame she can't prioritise her son.

Yabbers · 19/07/2019 12:37

If this is a one off I’d say not BU.

But you’ve been providing a lift for 6 months, you’re agreed to take that responsibility, to pull out last minute for the last one has left her son in a bad situation. That’s unfair. If it were me, I’d have thought twice about braking a commitment.

It’s also unfair to brand her a CF when there was an agreement with the OP that she would take her son. Of course, as a mum it’s your responsibility, but she isn’t forcing OP to do it, she asked and OP said yes. It’s not at all uncommon for this kind of agreement to be in place.

ButtonMoonLoon · 19/07/2019 12:38

I think it best you stick to your guns really, as you say you might struggle to have space in the car for him even on the way there once you’ve loaded up all your camping stuff. I’m sure they’ll be somebody else who can take him. Yes taxis aren’t cheap, but in comparison to a few quid petrol money every time you’ve taken him I’m sure it will balance out as a one off.

diddl · 19/07/2019 12:40

"But it's still the kid who will suffer "

Oh ffs!

He's had six months of doing something that he couldn't have done without Op.

His mum needs to pull her finger out & sort something or tell him to quit his heartbreak & be grateful for the 6months.

I'm thinking that your son never missed one Op, but whatever plan she had for that is surely what she puts into action now?

PepsiLola · 19/07/2019 12:41

As you've said you will have camping gear in your car, you might not even have space for this child.

I would just explain and say you're really sorry, but even taking him to his nans won't work for you as you have all your luggage in the car, you probably don't have space for the child.

The child's mother has enough time so ask someone else to help her out.

TheInvisibleMrsCrane · 19/07/2019 12:42

@Lweji that would depend on what you are putting on the back seat. Nothing dangerous with putting sleeping bags and pillows in between a couple of children and a bag of shopping on the floor.

It takes us about an hour to load or car, so assuming you couldn’t pack in advance she’s delaying your departure by a couple of hours - I’m always happy to help people out, but this would be too long for me - when camping I like to get there as early as I can to pick a pitch and get the tent up.

Lweji · 19/07/2019 12:43

Our trip to the campsite should take about 2 and a half hours (if traffic is clear) from the activity - adding an extra 20 minutes onto this will push the total drive more towards 3 hours. I think our younger DC might struggle with all this time in the car.

Come on.

I'd be having a stop for the children half way through a 2.5h drive anyway. 20 min won't make that much difference.

By all means, do it or don't do it for whatever reasons, but the trip is not THAT long, but not that short that I'd want to do it in one stretch with small children anyway.

Lolly25 · 19/07/2019 12:44

Sorry but she should be there for this special day and get a taxi.
Instead of making you feel bad, talking about his upset and crying.
I feel sorry for the kid, but for having such a blase' mother!
Do not do it!

EL8888 · 19/07/2019 12:44

You have taken the load for 6 months can’t she make arrangements once?! Bit confused about why she thinks it’s ok to emotionally blackmail you