To be shocked that a mother would clean for a 21 year old student?

[jennymanara]

A colleague at work was moaning on Monday that they were tired as they had driven many miles to their son's shared house, and spent hours thoroughly cleaning it, so he would get his deposit back. I was shocked. Surely a 21 year old man should be doing his own cleaning?

@GinIAm What a lovely mum! x

I'm more shocked that anyone would give enough of a shit to post such mundane stuff about their colleague on the internet. Bored today op?

@TatianaLarina my Dad was in the forces. He'd come back from exercises or deployment so tired he could barely stand. We ALL helped. We helped unpack his kit and my Mum washed it. We all kept quiet while he slept and made him cups of tea whenever he asked - as kids there wasn't much more we could do. Families help each other out. Sometimes my Mum would be out at work all day and my Dad would get off early and come back and clean the whole house - Army standard - so she wouldn't have to do it for a good week or two. It went both ways. You're being obtuse and limited when you claim that @TheFairyCaravan doing her son's washing is creating problems for a future wife. Maybe that's how it's worked out for you but not everyone thinks like that.

You practised musical instruments with your kids every day for a few years so what?! You're supposed to do that stuff. It's not a big deal, it's just everyday parenting.

so what?!

Sooo... it was implied that I ‘couldn’t understand family helping each other’ just pointing out that I’ve helped my family in different ways.

No, you've parented your children. You haven't helped them. Clearly you can't tell the difference so most of what you say can be taken with a big barrel of salt.

so why do you judge families who help each other if you understand the concept then?

DH did all my laundry after my last mud run because I was tired and he's .. nice. again, so what?

I am not sure the word "helping" would be the best one for someone who "helps" a 3 year old practicing their musical instrument but hey ho

No, you've parented your children. You haven't helped them.

Hence my original post that ‘help’ is disingenuous and beside the point.

Ridiculous claim. You introduce your toddler to an instrument for your own gratification, given that the average toddler, unless a prodigy would have zero interest in learning a musical instrument beyond plinking away on a toy piano, then pat yourself on the back and call it "help" for practising with them when they're not capable of and probably couldn't care less about doing it themselves.

Hence my original post that ‘help’ is disingenuous and beside the point.

I don't think you get the point...

To be clear I don’t call it ‘help’ hence previous rejection my at the use of the term.

Your ignorance about music is clear.

@TatianaLarina
People and families help each other because they love each other and care about each other, and because they can. It’s not a point scoring exercise, you don’t do it so that you can get something it return, you don’t keep a little tally chart and think “I’ll do this so I can benefit further down the line”, you do it out of love and to, you know, help.

Your ignorance about music is clear.

Your ignorance about the army is clear however it didn't stop you being incredibly rude to me.

Your ignorance about music is clear

To be fair it read like nothing more than an ill-placed stealth boast.

I was all ready to jump on this from the thread title, but no actually my mum has come to help me on many occasions to help end of tenancy cleans, particularly as a student. She may have been somewhat motivated by the fact she paid my deposit haha. If he didn't help at all then no YANBU, but if it was just to help YABU. End of tenancy clean is very different to weekly maintenance and I'd certainly want to help my children to show the standards that are expected to get their money back, he wouldn't have done it very often by 21.

Your ignorance about music is clear

Which would matter if this thread was about music and coaching very young children to learn and enjoy it, and not about helping your adult children with not very nice jobs.

Which would matter if this thread was about music and coaching very young children to learn and enjoy it, and not about helping your adult children with not very nice jobs.

It doesn’t matter on any front actually, you’re the one who devoted a paragraph to attacking me on that score...

This is why there are so many bloody useless men around because their mothers do this kind of thing. I've never helped my son with an end of tenancy cleaning because he is perfectly capable of doing it himself.

Your ignorance about the army is clear

Ironic if you but knew.

My mum cleaned my house last time I moved. And I was late 30s.

I packed and moved boxes and she cleaned.

It is what families do.

Attacking you? . Where? Quote this attack.

Look we all get that you believe encouraging your kids to practice their violin isn't getting the respect it deserves and meanwhile the rest of us are raising the next generation of Jim Royals by doing the odd load of washing for them but there's been no attacking on here, you've just had your silly claims challenged. Report my posts if you're really feeling so hard done to 🙄

Good for you, did you have to walk 20 miles in the snow to get to school as well.
Nothing wrong in parents helping their kids at all.

I have two student sons and I draw the line at cleaning. Helping them move stuff, yes. But if students choose to live in squalor whilst spending their money on trips to Copenhagen, New York, plus plenty of drinking, clubbing and eating out, then they can clean up after themselves or pay for a professional clean. They still seem to be speaking to me Plus, I don't see many dads doing the cleaning.

This is why there are so many bloody useless men around because their mothers do this kind of thing.

It isn’t just male students having help with end of tenancy cleans. Pretty much everyone had help on moving out. As I said earlier, I helped my own mum.

My mum would never have done this, neither did she give me a lift with all my stuff at the end of term, I had to struggle alone on the train with it and she was 👀 at parents who did this kind of thing. I think it's nice that parents help out with this kind of stuff. Am I so much more independent/resilient than my friends whose parents did this type of thing for them? Not really. We're all fully functioning adults. I just struggled more doing everything with no help. I don't think it taught me anything at all, apart from to feel a bit sad that my mum didn't want to help me out with pretty much anything after around the age of 16.