To be annoyed MIL gave my baby water?

[loudnoises1]

AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I still a hormonal mess?

So my 13 week old DD has a very sensitive tummy. Dr has advised us to feed her in small doses etc. She is a super lovely easy baby, rarely cries and sleeps through (most) nights.

A couple of weeks ago on a very hot day, MIL suggested we give DD some water in her bottle as it was so hot. I said no, babies don't need water and with her tummy being so sensitive I'd rather she didn't have anything she wasn't used to.

This past weekend MIL had DD for a few hours while we were at a wedding. When she dropped her back off with us DD was screaming completely inconsolable. Again, a very hot day and MIL had changed her into a vest, sleepsuit and a blanket. I was already a bit annoyed about this so I stripped her off to cool her down and noticed how bloated her stomach was.
I text MIL to ask if DD had been okay throughout the day and her response was 'I think she was a bit too hot but I gave her a 6oz bottle of water so she'll be fine'

DD was fine (after a couple of bumsplosions) of course but AIBU to be fuming that MIL did this or do I need to ignore it. I'm mostly annoyed that she did something I specifically said not to do. It's just some water this time but what will it be next time, feeding her solids? Giving her sugary drinks?

Bertrand....a lot of people do believe advice is always changing, so if thats what they feel, they should be allowed to say it. Even if you have proved nhs advice was 4 to 6 months, a change from 4 to 6 months, to 6 months is a change!!!! I was told 13 weeks. I can't change that or prove it, but I was. Advice does change on lots of things, as things move on. I can remember midwives telling mothers to have a smoke if they felt stressed, and to leave baby at the bottom of the garden to cry it out!!!! Now you can try and prove me wrong on that too if you like but that's what I remember.

Naturalbirnwoman....you dont know that though do you. Not everyone has wifi.

I'm also not sure that all mothers do know what to do for the best. There's a lot of Perfect First Babyness - people with ideas that are quite far out - only using homoeopathy for example. And there are lots of sensible caring grandparents who have brought up families successfully. Sometimes grandparents don't do things the way parents would, but in the main no lasting harm is done.

If very new parents absolutely cannot tolerate minor deviations from their 'rules' they are giving themselves - and the caring people round them - an unnecessarily hard time.

Oh my bad. People were referring to it as baby water and I vaguely remember some kind of baby water when dd was little that was on offer in boots that was sweetened and got confused. Anyway I’ve reread the op. I stand corrected. It was normal water.

Yes the guidelines and advice do change frequently indicating that they are never sure what is correct in first place, and no its not due to research

Guidelines and advice don't change frequently. The advice on feeding babies has stayed the same for many years now.

Aldo naturalbornwoman....i know women in their 50s who don't even have a phone with apps and don't reply to texts

I would be amazed if a baby drank 6oz of water all in one go. Is that what happened?

Agree highly unlikely that it was all in one go. Babies, even thirsty 12 week old ones have a mind and will only drink when they want to. I suspect the 6oz was spread over the day.

I too would be amazed if the baby drank 6 oz of water in one go. I'm presuming it was cooled boiled water over the day.

Breast fed on demand babies don't need water....this baby wasn't being breast fed on demand because mum wasn't there.

Grandma did her best. If you don't like her best don't not let her look after your baby again. If baby had cancer me home dehydrated who would you have blamed then?

Over 200 responses and the op hasn't come back...

My friends and I were told by midwife in late 1990s while pregnant that if you smoked not to give up just cut down as giving up would cause the baby to become stressed, I was told 4 months for weaning and that baby should be in there own room after 6 weeks (my ds was 3 months)

I expect op will come back at some time with the biggest drip feed ever so everyone can say what a bitch the mil is

“Bertrand....a lot of people do believe advice is always changing, so if thats what they feel, they should be allowed to say it. ”

Of course they can say it. But they should be prepared to defend it too.

i know women in their 50s who don't even have a phone with apps and don't reply to texts

Well that would be me then
Perhaps they don't reply to texts because they don't like the people who sent them. And regarding apps I'm way too scrooge to be paying for fancy phones. However, I do make/answer phone calls on phones

Over 200 responses and the op hasn't come back...

This is a common occurrence these days. An OP posts something that will cause a bit of a stir, usually about a lazy husband or a MIL that has “overstepped” the mark and then doesn’t come back. Probably watching from the sidelines at everyone getting their knickers in a twist.

Where I am based I was told cooled boiled water was fine after 6 weeks (FF baby)

Back in my Mother's day they actually gave water straight away.

Your MIL probably thought she was doing the right thing

A few sips is a very good idea on a hot day, 6oz was too much.

I would let it go this time but be very, very clear in future about what she is allowed. FWIW my MIL used to ignore my restrictions. This worked until the oldest was about 2. The oldest then used to get very upset with MIL if she tried to give her or the little ones stuff they weren’t allowed at home which soon put a stop to it. I doubt the few times she managed to give them oldest DC contraband did any lasting harm.

Glad I am not your mil. If he had been sugary squash fair enough but cooled boiled water on a very hot day?

Hope I’m not repeating anything...haven’t RTFT.

Um you were at a wedding- not on the moon. The normal thing would have been to call you and ask ‘I know we discussed not giving baby water, but it’s so hot today I’m tempted to. Does your preference still hold? What does HV suggest on days like this?’.

Ploughing ahead with something you’d said not to do, and actually giving soooo much water, that’s a big no no. She’d have done her dash with me. She can look forward to next being in charge at age 8, when the kid is old enough to tell her no themselves when she pulls one of these crazy ideas out of her hat. I wouldn’t make a big fuss, it’d just be clear there’d be no babysitting for the foreseeable future.

It’s hard not having family help in the early years, but I managed. I know we modern women are supposed to just go off to social events at 13 week’s post-birth, but I wouldn’t have done it. No one looks after a newborn like its parents (assuming they are caring and competent). Too many risks to my mental health, and baby’s whole health if one thing like this went wrong.

I would actually be concerned about MIL's state of mental health.
You were lucky that your baby didn't suffer anything more serious than a bloated stomach and bum-explosions

For goodness' sake. The loons are out. We're questioning MIL mental health now? Because she did what mothers have been doing since Adam was a lad? (until, apparently quite recently).

As many have pointed out, a bottle of milk is mostly water. How the hell is the water that MIL gave going to do her any more harm than six oz of milk?

@namechangeninjaevervigilant

Ooo what was the "contraband" she gave them??

Stopped baby being dehydrated ... when it’s hot that is the thing to do ... babies dehydrate quickly like old people ..

Aàais

@TurquoiseDress. The one that sticks in my mind is Sunny D - a virulent orange sugary fruit drink long since discredited! To MIL I think the fact it contained about 5% orange juice meant it was healthy.

I really doubt she wrapped baby up too warm on purpose both to give her "an excuse" to feed water and also to disguise a bloated tummy - conspiracy much?? :o

Honestly what has almost definitely happened was -

She took your previous comment about water to mean "She doesn't need water at this moment in time", NOT "In 2019 it's strictly advised never to feed babies water". Because this may well seem completely unintuitive to somebody who was advised to feed babies water.

She dressed the baby warmly - as was advised when she had her kids, because the baby getting cold is dangerous.

She thought the baby was a bit warm (probably due to being overdressed, yes, but if that's how she felt it is appropriate to dress babies, she might have felt uncomfortable taking layers off) and she didn't want the baby be dehydrated, so she fed some water. In a bottle, because the baby is little, and probably in the typical bottle-feeding position which tends to invoke the sucking reflex, meaning the baby drank about 6oz.

If the baby was a bit bloated she either didn't really notice this, thought it was normal or just thought oh that's better, she's nice and full now. The fact the baby was crying was simply unrelated (which, well, it could have been...)

I doubt she is "too old to understand wi-fi" (FFS :o :o) but it probably wouldn't occur to her to google what babies are supposed to wear and whether babies are allowed to drink water. She just did what she did with her own babies, which is presumably what OP had trusted her to do? She brought them up at a time where you couldn't google guidelines obsessively every five minutes to check what you are doing is allowed, you just got on with it, maybe asking for advice from the health visitor or your own mum or other women you knew who had kids.

These things happen, it's just clashing assumptions, we assume that guidance has always been as it is when it hasn't, and they assume that nothing has changed, most of the time nothing bad happens. Chalk it up to experience, let her know more explicitly that you really want her to double check before she lets anything pass your baby's lips, yes even water, realise that she did it for kind reasons, not mad manipulative ones, and move on :)