To be annoyed MIL gave my baby water?

[loudnoises1]

AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I still a hormonal mess?

So my 13 week old DD has a very sensitive tummy. Dr has advised us to feed her in small doses etc. She is a super lovely easy baby, rarely cries and sleeps through (most) nights.

A couple of weeks ago on a very hot day, MIL suggested we give DD some water in her bottle as it was so hot. I said no, babies don't need water and with her tummy being so sensitive I'd rather she didn't have anything she wasn't used to.

This past weekend MIL had DD for a few hours while we were at a wedding. When she dropped her back off with us DD was screaming completely inconsolable. Again, a very hot day and MIL had changed her into a vest, sleepsuit and a blanket. I was already a bit annoyed about this so I stripped her off to cool her down and noticed how bloated her stomach was.
I text MIL to ask if DD had been okay throughout the day and her response was 'I think she was a bit too hot but I gave her a 6oz bottle of water so she'll be fine'

DD was fine (after a couple of bumsplosions) of course but AIBU to be fuming that MIL did this or do I need to ignore it. I'm mostly annoyed that she did something I specifically said not to do. It's just some water this time but what will it be next time, feeding her solids? Giving her sugary drinks?

Maybe your MW gave you that advice but it was not the standard advice at the time. Advice at that time was 4-6 months

advice Was to wean baby at 13 weeks...that was the advice in 2001

Wearing a baby at 3 months of age...? Really?

I can tell you that in 2009, the advice was most definitely to wean at 6 months.

From 1994 advice was to introduce solid foods somewhere between 4-6 months which lots of HCPs took to mean "start weaning at 16wks". In 2001 the WHO recommended solid foods should start at six months, so even going eight back as far as 1994 the advide has not been to start weaning at 13wks for many, many years.

And I say that as someone who introduced solids at 12wks on medical advice.

"People with older children get very sensitive about guidelines changing because it indicates they weren't doing the right rhing for their child."
Smeef...that will be you one day. Advice does change...that's a fact. You can only do what you think is best for your child at the time, based on what advice is at that time. Having taken that advice, and then advice changes you tend to make your own mind up based on what worked for you. People with older children don't always think they did the wrong thing.

It is unfortunate that there seems to have been poor communication between you. I don’t think your baby had been harmed by having water. Perhaps talk this through with MIL.

“But Bertrand.. advice Was to wean baby at 13 weeks...that was the advice in 2001”
No it wasn’t. If I can find dd’s red book from 1995 i’ll post a picture.

People with older children get very sensitive about guidelines changing because it indicates they weren't doing the right rhing for their child

Bullshit.

We are, all of us, doing the best we can with the information available to us at the time.

These are the bits that would worry and infuriate me -
a very hot day and MIL had changed her into a vest, sleepsuit and a blanket
Mil claims it was so hot that baby needed 6oz of water - yet wrapped her up and risked her overheating???

so I stripped her off to cool her down and noticed how bloated her stomach was
MIL didn't see this?!!!!
Or was the wrapping up to 'disguise' this?

DD was fine (after a couple of bumsplosions)
So baby was probably feeling extremely uncomfortable and possibly in pain!
It also proves that you - the mother of the baby - knew what was best for your child.

Your MIL seems the type that believes she knows better than you and can look after your baby better than you.
Undermining and disrespect wrapped up as 'help'

I would actually be concerned about MIL's state of mental health.
You were lucky that your baby didn't suffer anything more serious than a bloated stomach and bum-explosions.
Next time you may not be so fortunate - and MIL will not be held accountable because "she knows more/better" and "has more experience", and your DC's suffering will be passed off as an 'accident'.

FFS - I am the mother off 3 strapping kids all born in the 70s, they all had water on hot days. She gave the baby "water" not bloody cocaine.

But Bertrand.. advice Was to wean baby at 13 weeks...that was the advice in 2001”
"No it wasn’t."

Well that was the advice given to me. Apologies, but I can't change that.

Had my son in a hot country. He had plenty water at 4months! Honestly I think you're being a bit precious about the water, not sure id be happy with the volume of it though. Ds certainly wasn't knocking it back. And I remember a catastrophic argument when my mum insisted on feeding him a banana which bunged him up for about 10 days. So tread carefully, not the time to go in guns blazing x

“Well that was the advice given to me. Apologies, but I can't change that”
No. But you were given incorrect advice which did not comply with the official NHS guidelines. Which, as I said, have changed very little since I weaned dd in 1996.

YABU. It’s water, not poison. Your MIL clearly thought she was doing the right thing and I don’t think she’s acted maliciously.

I'd be very unhappy. When my older ones were little they did advice small amounts of cool boiled water in hot weather for babies, however, this was an ounce or so not a whole bottle.

So it was a hot day and the mil gave the baby water, sensible. Baby probably just had some mild heatstroke from the excessive clothing and layers and got a funny tummy from it, be grateful the baby had all the water, assuming it wasn't all in one hit anyway?

And now someone is suggesting the gran has mental health issues 😂

FFS some folk on this thread are beyond bizarre.

It was water on a hot day! I’m pretty sure I gave my similarly aged daughter water too.

I had my son in a hot country too. He had no water at all until started solids when just a few days under 6 months per advice. He got plenty fluids from bf.

DS was born in 2000. The advised weaning age then was 4 months. My HV told me to wean at 3 months because he was a hungry baby. Perfectly fine, she said...

DD was born in 2009. The advice I was given then was to wean at 6 months.

I seem to remember the advice was also that a baby should be weaned before 1 year. Perhaps that's where the confusion is?

You are in no way being unreasonable. You told her to to do it. She did.

PPs have pointed out why too much water in one sitting isn’t good for small babies. And whilst others have suggested that claiming this is highly dangerous is over-egging the pudding, it’s the fact that she’s bundled the kid up in all those layers in very hot weather which would have me concerned. That really IS dangerous: very much so. And whilst I agree cutting off your MiL’s relationship with your DD would be going way OTT, it would still leave me thinking that this is a woman who I wouldn’t trust with my DD’s unsupervised care.

Two points made by PPs: one is that the MiL has been a mother a hell of a lot longer than you. Granted. She has. But that doesn’t make her a good or a sensible one. There are a lot of clueless mothers out there. And this:

I’d be annoyed about ignoring something you’d repeated about the care of your baby but I’d understand some people think they know best

I also understand some people think they know best. That doesn’t mean I, OP or anyone else has to accept this when it comes to overriding our express directions as to the care and wellbeing of our DCs.Not MiL’s baby. Ergo not her decision.

People with older children get very sensitive about guidelines changing because it indicates they weren't doing the right rhing for their child. You were doing the best thing possible at the time, don't worry!

No they don't get very sensitive, they understand that some of this stuff isn't worth getting steamed up about. Of course you want to follow current guidance, but the point is it's current and still subject to change. New mothers can get very hung up on things which don't have a massive impact in the grand scheme of things, but we know you're only trying to do your best, don't worry!

Oh please! A baby of this age typically has up to 6oz of formula in a feed. Guess what you mix six scoops of powder with?? It’s 6oz of water! So a 6oz bottle of formula milk contains 6oz of water and a 6oz bottle of water contains 6oz of water. It’s hardly cause for a melodramatic talk of water intoxication!

The fact that the 6oz of water is mixed with formula makes all the difference though, doesn't it? 6oz of formula has nutrients and electrolytes that maintain the balance in your cells. 6oz of water does not. That is what water intoxication is.

My DGD loves water, I doubt the baby would have taken it if it didn’t want it.

It’s not clear whether she had any milk to give her (apologies if I’ve missed it). If she did and gave water instead, then she was definitely in the wrong. If she didn’t then in such a hot day then giving water was the best she could do. I don’t know about bottles- but 6oz in one go does seem a lot.

Bertrand....I agree to disagree..advice has changed a lot over the years in my opinion. .Not just on feeding..on lots of things. Things have not stood still since 1996.