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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed MIL gave my baby water?

471 replies

loudnoises1 · 17/07/2019 17:43

AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I still a hormonal mess?

So my 13 week old DD has a very sensitive tummy. Dr has advised us to feed her in small doses etc. She is a super lovely easy baby, rarely cries and sleeps through (most) nights.

A couple of weeks ago on a very hot day, MIL suggested we give DD some water in her bottle as it was so hot. I said no, babies don't need water and with her tummy being so sensitive I'd rather she didn't have anything she wasn't used to.

This past weekend MIL had DD for a few hours while we were at a wedding. When she dropped her back off with us DD was screaming completely inconsolable. Again, a very hot day and MIL had changed her into a vest, sleepsuit and a blanket. I was already a bit annoyed about this so I stripped her off to cool her down and noticed how bloated her stomach was.
I text MIL to ask if DD had been okay throughout the day and her response was 'I think she was a bit too hot but I gave her a 6oz bottle of water so she'll be fine'

DD was fine (after a couple of bumsplosions) of course but AIBU to be fuming that MIL did this or do I need to ignore it. I'm mostly annoyed that she did something I specifically said not to do. It's just some water this time but what will it be next time, feeding her solids? Giving her sugary drinks?

OP posts:
cardamoncoffee · 18/07/2019 04:33

I come from a culture where EBF is the norm but giving babies (from newborn) water and even herbs such as cumin, sage etc in that water is considered beneficial on a daily basis. Mine were never interested but I remember DN used to drink 7oz of clear fluid in between feeds from a very early age. IME water does not fill a baby so contrary to popular belief it might delay a feed slightly but will certainly not replace it. I have never, ever heard of a baby having water intoxication or hyponeutraemia. I cannot see how 6oz given as a one off, even if given in one go would make a baby adversely ill.

My eldest is 18 and I remember in hospital the MW saying it was important to give water between feeds to a baby that is EBF to help settle their stomach. The remedy for constipation as advised by HV was a few drops of orange juice in a bottle of water (from 4 weeks old)

Advice changes but I think if it was as dangerous as some posters are making out that babies 20 years ago would have been dropping like flies, which wasn't the case.

myadviceisdontskippaps · 18/07/2019 04:38

Just FYI you can die from drinking too much water. Google “hold your wee for a Wii”. Radio station held a contest where they drank as much water as they could without peeing. Didn’t clear it with any medical or legal professionals, and one of the participants died of water intoxication. The station eventually got shut down, and the family got millions.

cardamoncoffee · 18/07/2019 05:50

Myadvice I am happy to stand corrected when I'm presented with data showing the number of deaths of babies after drinking 6oz of water.

myadviceisdontskippaps · 18/07/2019 06:03

@cardamon my post was more in response to an earlier one which I think said you couldn’t die from too much water/water intoxication, and wasn’t meant as a comment on how much it would take to kill a baby.

cardamoncoffee · 18/07/2019 06:15

Sorry myadvice I didn't specifically mean you either, many posters are stating that the MIL has put the baby's life at risk, citing water intoxication and hyponutremia without backing it up with medical evidence. There is no doubt that this can cause death but I would hazard a guess that a one time 6oz bottle on a hot day in an otherwise healthy baby would not be a risk of death. According to one link it is most common in premature babies under 6 months where several bottles of water are ingested daily in lieu of formula over a period of time, or formula is diluted.

Jellybeansincognito · 18/07/2019 06:28

Op your response is great, but not where the decisions can harm your child.

You don’t have to put have to up with people risking your daughters life, at all.

Jellybeansincognito · 18/07/2019 07:31

@cardamoncoffee I think the issue is when you say how much is too much it’s like asking the question ‘how long is a piece of string?’

6oz in one go is of course, too much. 6oz of formula would have been more appropriate.

There’s too many variables in what would make the toxic amount of water.

How much formula the baby had drank, when last formula was, kidney function, blood chemical level...

cardamoncoffee · 18/07/2019 07:38

I don't think medically in a fit and well baby it is so vague. Looking online there are guidelines as to how much is too much fluid intake. It certainly isn't 6oz. A baby of X age has a sodium range that will be affected by X amount of fluid. It is also important to point out that hyponeutremia is usually excessive fluid accompanied by excessive fluid loss such as chronic diarrhoea or sweating.

My point is that posters are alarming the OP into thinking that her MIL has endangered her baby's life when that is clearly no the case.

MauisHouseOnMaui · 18/07/2019 07:51

Infants of that age can develop symptomatic hyponatremia with intakes of as little as 260mls of water.

6oz is approx 170ml so nowhere near the minimum dangerous amount.

TurquoiseDress · 18/07/2019 08:01

@cardamoncoffee

My point is that posters are alarming the OP into thinking that her MIL has endangered her baby's life when that is clearly no the case

Thank you for posting some sense!

OP's baby is presumably (as far as we know) fit and healthy with no pre-existing medical condition e.g. kidney problems

You don’t have to put have to up with people risking your daughters life, at all

With all due respect, I think this is a little over the top

There does seem to be rather a lot of hysteria in some of the posts I've read

In this instance, I feel rather sorry for the MIL in question

BertrandRussell · 18/07/2019 08:04

Is it possible that there is a special mil water that is more dangerous than normal water?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 18/07/2019 08:11

I’m not sure how any of us with older children managed to get them past baby/toddler age reading stuff like this

LIZS · 18/07/2019 08:18

A lot of hysteria here. It was water not gin. Unless she avoided giving a feed water, especially offered over a period of time, is very unlikely to be the cause of her distress. Had she been crying a lot and taken in air? Hope baby is back to normal now.

NoSauce · 18/07/2019 08:20

You don’t have to put have to up with people risking your daughters life, at all

Did anyone actually agree with this drama llama and quite frankly stupid comment?

cardamoncoffee · 18/07/2019 08:22

Yes MoSauce and suggested that OP should never let the MIL see the baby again.

cardamoncoffee · 18/07/2019 08:22

NoSauce

dustarr73 · 18/07/2019 08:23

I think i would be more annoyed over the over dressing.That more dangerous in this weather.

But i dont think a vest,sleepsuit and a light blanket is over dressing.

NoSauce · 18/07/2019 08:25

That doesn’t really surprise me sadly.

Alwaysfrank · 18/07/2019 08:32

I agree that guidelines are always changing and for the poster who asked for evidence or examples these are just the ones that spring to mind:

Eating nuts while pregnant
Alcohol whilst pregnant
Alcohol whilst breastfeeding
How to make up formula- "hot shot" to kill bacteria - I used to add powder to room temp cooled boiled water
How to make up formula- cooled boiled water vs tap
Baby not in own room for at least 6 months or is it a year?
Purées v baby led weaning
Age for weaning was 4-6 months
Offering water between feeds
Extended rear facing car seats/extended use of high backed booster seats

There's probably more that I haven't thought of or am not aware of.

Fact is advice changes all the time, and my parenting of babies was done without the "help" of mumsnet/google - anything really important like "back to sleep" was mentioned in antenatal classes and by health visitors. I can see why a grandparent would act on instinct although the overdressing would worry me far more.

Knittedjimmychoos · 18/07/2019 08:39

Op you say it's not the first time she's gone agaisnt your wishes? It's not clear the sentence is confusing.

Is she generally a nice person who isn't in competition. Some mils cannot bear you requesting anything at all if they look after your child. They see it as an attack on their own mothering.

You need to work out which one she is and what lines your happy to be crossed in future, to facilitate her looking after the baby.

Eg if you sense she isn't going to listen to you at all re baby, are you happy with that, do you still trust her?

My own dm had very entrenched ways of doing things but over all she had healthy sense of danger and over caution around babies, and was sensible eg wouldn't wrap baby up on hot day. But the relationship and trust was such that I could say... Please don't do x, because abc... And she'd be mostly fine.

Mil on the other hand doesn't think her at least 1 meter deep pond is a danger to the dc. I've seen them walking along the side of it (sort of built up very long pond with brick wall) unattended!

Mil said her dc had whopping cough so she's very well versed in all respiratory conditions including dds, when in fact after a day there we had to rush dd to hospital because the expert had missed the signs and so on.

Absolutely no one wants to alienate anyone! You'll come to find your own sense of what's acceptable or not.

username68482 · 18/07/2019 08:51

My MIL used to tell me to give my DD water. She was ebf so I always told her no. Show DH the advice now so he could explain it to her. She then told others to tell me instead found it annoying. It is old/outdated advice. I think you can if you bottle feed but certainly not 6oz.

saraclara · 18/07/2019 08:55

Is it possible that there is a special mil water that is more dangerous than normal water?

Ha ha!

SVRT19674 · 18/07/2019 09:08

My mum used to give me chamomile infusion in a bottle when I was a baby, to hydrate. It was the done thing in the 70s-80s. She was very surprised when I told her my formula fed baby only had milk for her first six months. She thought it was really strange. Advice changes alllll the time. When I was a baby my mother was advised to put us to sleep on our tummies, for risk of choking on vomit. For some years now, the advice is the total opposite. My daughter is 11 months and drinks a few sips of water and then chucks the mug over the side. Six oz is massive. She drinks that in milk though.

saraclara · 18/07/2019 09:23

Seriously, I so wish my MIL's Alzheimers wasn't so bad that she doesn't know me any more. Because reading MN over the last few weeks makes me want to go and tell her just how much I appreciate and love her. I really hope she knew that at the time. Yes, she loved to feed my kids sweet stuff when she had them to herself, but she never judged or criticised me, ever.

The general anti-MILs sentiment in this place really bothers me. Not talking about the OP here, btw.

BertrandRussell · 18/07/2019 09:24

“Advice changes alllll the time. When I was a baby my mother was advised to put us to sleep on our tummies, for risk of choking on vomit. For some years now, the advice is the total opposite.“

Well, this particular advice changed in 1991. Over 25 years ago. So possibly not a brilliant example!

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