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I feel so ashamed I need to do something

162 replies

ReadyToLoseThisJelly · 17/07/2019 00:52

Had some results yesterday from the recurrent miscarriage clinic and they outlined some health reasons why I should have IVF.

Only issue is I can't have IVF until my bmi is 30 and it's currently 49 😳 I spent all day yesterday crying, but today I feel like thats not helpful?

I need to change but I don't know how. I'm 27 and I weigh 19 stone 7 pounds, I can't have a baby until I'm at least 13 stone, I know I did this to myself but I don't know where to start to get rid of it.

I started the couch to 5k thing today and nearly died! But I have to do this. I can't not do this. I've also downloaded les mills on demand to try and do some workouts at home?

I'm so ashamed I got myself into this mess.

This post was edited at OP's request

OP posts:
poopypants · 17/07/2019 08:06

Yes, you can do this. Find what you least hate doing. You may even find you enjoy it. I hate running so I don't. But I enjoy lifting weights and I get cardio from rowing on a rowing machine. Most of weight loss will come from diet, not exercise so focus on that. Limit food to an 8 hour window. Start eating late and finish eating early. Cut the carbs. You can get there.

luckybird07 · 17/07/2019 08:08

Do not be hard on yourself. There are many many things worse than overeating in this world. Could it help to speak to someone to try and understand why you may have over eaten- get to the root of the problem. I think food is one of the things many of us self medicate with and a lot of people do it.

BeeNew · 17/07/2019 08:12

Sorry you're going through this! I'm being seen by the recurrent miscarriage clinic too, not for the same reason but just wanted you to know you aren't alone! Flowers

In terms of the weight, you must think about your diet more than anything (not suggesting you aren't!) Exercise is great but your diet will make up the most of the weight loss.

I've recently gone from a size 16 to a 10 by cutting out the junk food (most of it) and smaller portions. The exercise I've done has actually been the smallest part of the changes I've made!

LIZS · 17/07/2019 08:15

Some areas have Wellbeing advisors who can help refer you to appropriate exercise classes (ie free gym membership to get you started) and diet advice, based on your food diary. They act like a mentor, give you small ideas to try each session and review progress. Ask your gp surgery if they offer this or through a local charity like ymca.

LIZS · 17/07/2019 08:16

And for exercise start small, park further away from shops or get off bus a stop sooner and walk the rest, then build up.

Fontofnoknowledge · 17/07/2019 08:16

So many women on my NHS Gastric Bypass /Gastric sleeve cohort were there , referred by their GPs for exactly this reason.(Or in the hope of conceiving naturally because morbid obesity can cause infertility on its own)

Someone up thread suggested a gastric band and getting a loan. Please don't do this. The NHS does very few bands these fats due to the amount of revision surgery required due to slippage.

You also do not need a loan for weight loss surgery. Your BMI is high enough for an immediate referral to NHS weight loss surgery pathway.(BMI 35 with life limiting health problems and 40 without).

All of the above suggestions are a good idea. Diet IS the key.

However all the research into Obesity is unequivocal. 'Diets' don't work in the long term as they are often unsustainable to all but a tiny minority of the population.

At BMI 35 , only 1:124achieve it. At 40 it's 1:677 Of those who succeed over 78 % put all back in and more within 5 years.

These are not statistics from some tabloid scare headline but from Kings College London Obesity research in a countrywide study 2 years ago.

This is one of reasons the NHS will pay for the Gastric Bypass or Sleeve as it is the ONLY long term sustainable weight loss method scientifically evaluated as effective after 5 years for 87 % of those who go through it.

The NHS pathway is far preferable to paying privately as it requires a minimum of 6 months of Dietician, Psychological and Physician appointments to evaluate the patients disordered eating. Because ReadyToLoseThisJelly - your eating is 'disordered' to get to BMI 49 which is quite a different thing to an eating disorder and the Tier3 pathway will examine this with you . Best of all - there is 2 years of NHS support post op.

I would go visit GP. Ask for a referral to Tier 3 weight management. Meanwhile show your commitment by attending slimming world/doing couch25K and making good food choices.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 17/07/2019 08:16

Your GP, or the hospital team you see, can probably refer you to a dietitian. They can give you guidance about how to achieve the results you require!

NotMetExpectations · 17/07/2019 08:21

I second what another posters have said - have you been offered counselling for the Huntington's? I realise it could be you or your DH, but either way, that's an enormous shock for you Flowers, and I hope you're both getting the support you need.

As for weight, yes, 80% food, 20% exercise. I'm currently trying to lose weight, and for me the key is cutting out sugary snacks - eat properly, with enough protein to fill me up, but cut out the crap.

Frouby · 17/07/2019 08:25

No good feeling ashamed, you need to pull your big girl pants on and lose weight.

Exercise is good because it will help with your mood. But you need a diet. I would recommend slimming world, it's easy to follow and the group format will help mentally.

They have absolutely seen people bigger than you and don't feel embarrassed by getting weighed. It will be going down anyway so who actually cares what your starting point is.

You can do this.

Jellybeansincognito · 17/07/2019 08:29

Don’t be ashamed, you can’t change the past but you can change your future.

Start with little steps!
Slimming world is a great start- it teaches you the sort of foods you should be eating and when you’re used to that I’d recommend switching to WW because that teaches you how much food you should be eating- they’re nice and gentle approach wise and there’s lots of margin of room, you don’t have to give up anything if you’re a chocoholic.
After you’re used to WW you could start doing MFP, after what you’ve learned doing slimming world and WW you’ll breeze though and find it a more lifelong change rather than a - just losing weight to get pregnant thing.

Definitely regulate your diet first though and then start exercising, don’t pile yourself up with all of it at once. One thing at a time, slowly and you’ll reach your goal!

Good luck! x

cheesenpickles · 17/07/2019 08:30

@ReadyToLoseThisJelly bless you. There are some fantastic weight loss support threads on here and I've started doing intermittent fasting and low carb. It was tough to adapt but in less than two months I've dropped 24lbs and my BMI is currently sat at 30. Diet is a big factor and if you do it in conjunction with gradually building exercise it's totally possible. You've got the motivation to do it. Come join in and everybody will help you out. Thanks

PurpleDaisies · 17/07/2019 08:34

Which one of you is positive for Huntington’s? Have you had counselling?

That would be my immediate priory here.

CCquavers · 17/07/2019 08:34

Very sorry to hear your situation. Private clinics will allow you to be heavier but NHS are very strict.

There is no secret to losing weight. Eat less move more. There are great people on the weight loss boards with some sound advice.

Give yourself a deadline and cry it out until then. Then get yourself a plan. At your weight start at 1600 maybe and plan to walk 10,000 a day. You could easily lose 10lb in a month and you'd be down a BMI figure as well. Join us on the other boards. good luck x

Stifledlife · 17/07/2019 08:38

12 weeks to wow app.

It isn't a diet. It changes your relationship with food and eating, and retrains you to realise when you have had enough because most of the time it's not what you are eating as much as how much you are eating.

apps.apple.com/gb/app/12-weeks-to-wow-weight-loss/id1190413254.

Good luck.. you can do it. You have the best motivation in the world!

SwishSwishSheesh · 17/07/2019 08:44

Try meal replacement shakes like SlimFast or there are millions of different ones online. Holland and Barret have big choice. You would need to have it for breakfast and lunch, you can have a couple of light snacks and a balanced evening meal. I am currently doing it an I am very pleased with results. I found myself not being hungry even in the evening and I exercise a decent amount.

MumW · 17/07/2019 08:46

My DD is doing Couch25K. She's a semi fit skinny teenager and even she's found it easier to do extend each week. She still goes out 3 times a week but does the sessions 4 or 5 times until she is more comfortable stepping to the next level. I've not done it but this seems to make sense. Try doing each level for 2 weeks, or even 3. So what if it takes you longer. Hopefully, as you do more runs and lose some weight it will get a bit easier.

My DH also started walking every lunchtime. He start just having a stroll, more to get away from the office, but has now built up to a more brisk pace.

Good luck, you can do this

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 17/07/2019 08:49

Three words and three words only

weight loss surgery

weaningwoes · 17/07/2019 08:49

Don't be ashamed, EVER. Shame leads to the bad feelings that we (if like me you have an overeating issue) will always end up trying to soothe with food. This is why it can become such a cycle, shame leads to sadness leads to binge leads to weight gain leads to shame and so it goes on until we are out of control of our weight.

One thing Michael Moseley says who I really think has a very realistic and evidence-based and compassionate take on weight problems and dieting is this: don't rely on willpower. People will tell you you just need to 'decide' to make a change, but it really is not that simple - our behaviours are strongly influenced by hormones and addiction to sugars and fats (which is what we are dealing with after long term overeating) will mess with your mind, and override your willpower. So wherever possible, take the choice away from yourself.

Don't buy in the crap you eat the most when shopping (if you can't manage not to, get your DH to take over shopping or do an online shop together - make sure he supports you by buying treats he wants elsewhere and eating them outside the house).

I find I need not to have the ability to 'secret eat'. So I don't take my purse with me whenever it's feasible not to do so. Then I can't cave without going to the faff of going to get it, or the awkwardness of borrowing money from someone else. If I do need to be able to buy things, I take the joint account card and use that only - knowing how much I spend will be visible and asking my DH to 'monitor' me a bit (he never actually does I don't think, but the thought he might look at what I've spent and I would have to account for it inhibits me from buying loads of junk and eating it secretly).

I know all this sounds hideously controlling and you will need to assess your relationship to decide if it is healthy for you (or your partner) for him to take such an active role in 'managing' you - as a joint project to allow you to have a much wanted baby, I hope it isn't something that could end up instilling an longer term unhealthy dynamic. Consider the risks and benefits together. Also consider work colleagues and who you can trust to be honest with and support you, as I find the workplace awful for biscuits, cakes etc always being around and people encouraging you to 'treat yourself'.

Protein is your friend. Hunger only plays a small part in overeating if we're honest, but if you are limiting what you eat after overeating for a long time the actual hunger you feel will feel punishing - unless you load protein into every meal, as it's a lot more satisfying that carbs and veg. Sleep is also really important for controlling hunger - look up leptin and see about what sleep deprivation does to your ability to assess fullness.

Re exercise same thing applies - be realistic about the limits of 'willpower' and build it in to your life so you can't avoid it. So have a friend you go to the gym with, or invest in a personal trainer, who you will have to cancel on if you want to skive - just turning up is half the battle won usually. If you don't have a purse you can't choose to get the bus. That sort of thing.

I say this not to suggest you are weak willed, but just because honestly I have found (I have a serious binge-eating problem at the moment, brought on by a traumatic bereavement but I have always struggled with overeating) that the only thing that really works for me is accepting how little self control I have and factoring that in to my plan. Usually by this time of day I'd have eaten god knows how much - at least half a packet of biscuits. Instead, I have no purse, so I've eaten nothing and will hit my 16/8 fast today. I hope that one day I will be able to manage this with willpower alone; but at the moment this is what I need to be 'in control' of my eating. It works.

notapizzaeater · 17/07/2019 08:49

I'm following the Michael Moseley blood sugar diet, I've found it relatively easy and have lost 3.5 stone in 12 weeks and still loosing each week.

weaningwoes · 17/07/2019 08:52

PS good luck and I so hope you are able to reach your weight goal, have successful IVF and have your baby. You are very young still so have plenty of time, and every reason to be highly motivated. So sorry also for your losses - I hope your rainbow comes soon xx

Peanutbuttericecream · 17/07/2019 08:55

So sorry to read this. Be kind to yourself Ready you’re strong you can do it. Why not join a club? WW or SW will help you and give you peer support. Best of luck.

notsurewhattotype · 17/07/2019 09:03

Don't be ashamed OP, turn that feeling and use it as motivation!!!
I had to lose weight to get pregnant (different situation). I used different tools to help me shed some weight. I joined slimming world and went to a group, this was really important as you don't get judged as everyone is in the same position. Be prepared to not loose weight every week though as that's how it goes!! Start doing some exercise (i couldn't face joining a gym as was very large) go for a walk every day or i loved dancing so go on youtube and look for dance exercise videos.
I also put pictures up of me on the fridge (awful photo that showed off my double chin and rolls of tummy) and i put little signs on the cupboard and pantry saying things like "i love mummy/mummy is the best" I found that this stopped me from snacking on things i didnt need. Also clear out anything bad from the kitchen, all it takes is a moment of weakness and you will be eating a packet of biscuits.
You have to think that this isn't a diet but a completely new life style.
Good luck OP

Chickoletta · 17/07/2019 09:05

Join your local Slimming World group. The programme really works and you will receive lots of support.

NicciLovesSundays · 17/07/2019 09:07

@ReadyToLoseThisJelly you have just had some really difficult news so it isnt surprising that you spent all day crying. Its likely you are going to have more days like this but it also sounds like you have a positive attitude and are ready to start working on your weight.

I think it would be a really good idea for you and your partner to have some counselling sessions together and you may also each benefit from having some on your own. It doesnt help everyone but counselling can be a really good way to explore how you are feeling, look at your options and take action. Genetic counselling might be an option from the NHS and you could also speak to your GP about weight loss support.

Things are not going to be resolved overnight so its really important to keep working on your relationship with your partner and face the situation you are in together. Every day is a new beginning.

teaandbiscuits89 · 17/07/2019 09:10

The negative feelings are serving no purpose so try get them out of your head. They only make you feel bad and dont get you closer to your baby so forget them, you dont deserve them, try being kinder to yourself. The great plus is you're only 27 you can lose that weight by 28! All the best OP! You can do it!

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