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Original poster

To think that MIL crossed a line today and to have told her so.

304 replies

BenWillbondsPants · 16/07/2019 18:49

It's DD's birthday today. MIL rang this morning to say that she would bring her present up today. I asked if she would mind leaving it until later in the week as a) DD is actually away on a residential and not here til Friday and b) I'm not well, feeling shit and wanted to go to back to bed.

She said she wanted to bring it today - I said, again, please can we leave it today. MIL says OK but I can tell not massively happy. She does like things her own way.

I go back to bed and fall asleep , I wake up to 7 missed calls from DH and call him straight back. He's walking out of work to come home as he's worried about me. I'm a bit confused and ask him why he's coming home and he tells he that his mum phoned him to say that she was outside our house and worried about me as she can't get a reply from the doorbell even though 'Ben is expecting me'. DH is worried that something has happened and gives her the code to the key safe so she can come in and check on me.

She then texts him a 'False alarm!' with a smiley face.

I go downstairs to find DDs birthday present sitting neatly on the kitchen table.

Who the fuck does that?

OP posts:
VivienneHolt · 17/07/2019 06:44

What a psycho! You did exactly the right thing.

Dandelion1993 · 17/07/2019 07:04

I'd take the present back and say come when DD is home from her trip.

tiredteddy123 · 17/07/2019 07:22

*Dandelion1933
I'd take the present back and say come when DD is home from her trip
*
^This

It's all about control. As things stand she has won, she got what she wanted. I would absolutely driver over there, knock on the door and hand it over pointing out in no uncertain terms she can come over if/when invited

Cutantrim · 17/07/2019 07:25

The hair/headscarf thing - I’ve read about this!!!

So, how it plays out if you give into her is that she gets upset when she sees your hairloss, and YOU end up comforting her, and she’s cleverly flipped it so it’s all about HER.

And then she can tell the world how devastated she is that you’re going through this, and people then comfort HER.

Weapons-grade narcissist but entirely predictable.

Good luck OP. X x x

Dexterslockedintheshedagain · 17/07/2019 07:48

*Change the code
*
Is that you, Sharon?! Grin

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 17/07/2019 07:52

Yes to PPs idea of returning the present and telling her to bring it back next week.

It is all about winning, she's walked away a winner in her own mind and a victim to boot because she was told off. Deprive her of her little victory and make it clear that when you give her a boundary like 'today is not the day for dropping around presents, come back another time' then she doesn't get to ignore it.

ShirleyPhallus · 17/07/2019 08:00

I’d break in to her house and leave the present back by the front door / in a shopping bag etc

Then act completely nonchalant and say you’ve never seen it before

QueSera · 17/07/2019 08:15

OP and others, apologies for not realising the code had been changed - I had opened the thread, gone away and done something, then replied, not realising the thread had moved on so much. Glad DH is on side x

Rumplesmoothskin · 17/07/2019 08:41

I'm not sure about people calling her a cunt. I quite like my cunt, and it would never do anything so horrible as that woman.

Re: her potentially coming to look at you, to put another spin on it, does she want to feel part of the select few maybe? So when people ask how you are, she can say "oh, poor thing, I've seen her without her headscarf etc etc". Because she wants everyone to think you're soooo close and you trust her soooo much.

Either way, she is shit. I'm sorry you're burdened with her, I would genuinely never see her again.

Original poster
BenWillbondsPants · 17/07/2019 09:01

@DCICarolJordan isn't it the weirdest thing for people to ask? Like you're some kind of exhibit or something. Confused

I'm not getting in touch with her for now, she knows how I feel as I told her. I won't cut her out (her other two sons have barely anything to do with her - no surprise there), but I need her to acknowledge that what she did was wrong, intrusive and actually really unkind to DH. If she can do that, without the usual excuses, we can move forward with a few new boundaries firmly in place. She doesn't really have anyone else. It's up to her to contact me now.

OP posts:
PapayaCoconut · 17/07/2019 09:28

@Singlebutmarried

She may not have dementia but there's definitely something very, very seriously wrong with her.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 17/07/2019 09:28

Good for you OP.

TruthOnTrial · 17/07/2019 09:48

What a bloody nasty intrusive trick, and how sinister having someone creep into your home while you sleep, with fascination for your illness.

She is obsessed and stalky, and has entered your home by deception (of her own DS)!!

I would both go round and tell her straight, when you say no you mean it and shed be advised to heed it as a warning if oversteps boundaries in future

That if she should ever try to gain access to your home again by deception you will report her to the police.

Call it what it is. Warn your dd of what she did, and that you are all going to be particularly careful with your new code now.

Return the gift to her in order for her to be able to pass the gift on herself at a 'mutually agreeable time'

That if future boundaries are trampled on this way it might mean that its not a relationship that can be sustained any longer.

She has committed many relationship crimes and broken trust. She has also.shown herself to be obsessed and emotionally unstable, with utter disregard for others boundaries.

You have a new code and support from your partner in this.

Flowers for a speedy recovery for you x

Weenurse · 17/07/2019 10:19

💐

Cheeserton · 17/07/2019 11:02

Very odd indeed that nobody has suggested changing the code yet. Definitely do that. Grin

Well done OP. You're the best.

LaLoba · 17/07/2019 12:02

OP, she won’t acknowledge wrongdoing, or change her ways. People like her follow very predictable patterns. Your husband knows her best, which is why he wants nothing to do with her.
Your intentions are beyond reproach, but maybe you should support your husband where his mother is concerned? If my husband tried to be the one who facilitated contact, I’d feel betrayed. Ditch the witch, you owe her nothing, and she deliberately hurts your DH.

Best wishes in your recovery, you sound very strong to have kept it together in the face of this fuckery!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/07/2019 12:11

"I'm also completely aware that now I sound like the batshit one."

You do not sound batshit, @BenWillbondsPants - not in the slightest!!

As previous posters have said, the fact that you are going through chemo at the moment makes what she did even more unacceptable, because of how much your dh must have worried when she said she couldn't get any reply at the house - he must have been beside himself. How can any mother - any decent person - deliberately scare their own child that way, for their own narcissistic ends?

Nesssie · 17/07/2019 12:17

God imagine the dread your DH must have felt when he got that phone call. That dropping of the stomach feeling. How could someone do that to their own son. Absolutely wicked.

RebootYourEngine · 17/07/2019 12:33

Omg she is batshit crazy.

Yeahnahmum · 17/07/2019 12:44

What. A. Psycho.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 17/07/2019 12:52

Creepy as fuck. I can imagine her standing quietly at your bedroom door. Possibly singing under her breath
"I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch you when you are sleeping
You belong with me
Do you feel the same?"

I actually think the wanting to see peoples' baldy heads is really common, God knows why Hmm so I wouldn't normally think that was too sinister, just nosy and intrusive, but combined with her other behaviour, it is creepy.

It always bugs me when there are so many "my MIL wanted to kiss my baby, I'm going NC" or "my MIL won't babysit every Friday I'm going low contact" and then you see threads like this and think that is why some MILs should FOTTFSOF.

PS change the key code immediately Wink

GabsAlot · 17/07/2019 13:40

Sorry op i missed the post about your chemo-shes a nasty witch yo9u dont need that added stress

SunshineCake · 17/07/2019 14:25

"....., he won't forgive her easily if at all. It's been a tricky few months and she was unkind to worry him like that."

It was more than unkind!

I thought I was home alone earlier then heard what turned out to be my son upstairs and that worried me so goodness knows how you felt.

I hope your recovery is successful Flowers.

SavingSpaces2019 · 17/07/2019 15:42

did you go to sleep without your headscarf on OP?
I can just imagine her sneaking upstairs (knowing that you'd have gone back to bed) and having a good look at you without you knowing.

You'll find out soon enough cos narcs can't keep something like to themselves.

ChicCroissant · 17/07/2019 15:45

I am not one for point-scoring or passive-aggressive retaliation normally, but there is something I love about the thought of returning the present to her house Blush

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