Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that MIL crossed a line today and to have told her so.

304 replies

BenWillbondsPants · 16/07/2019 18:49

It's DD's birthday today. MIL rang this morning to say that she would bring her present up today. I asked if she would mind leaving it until later in the week as a) DD is actually away on a residential and not here til Friday and b) I'm not well, feeling shit and wanted to go to back to bed.

She said she wanted to bring it today - I said, again, please can we leave it today. MIL says OK but I can tell not massively happy. She does like things her own way.

I go back to bed and fall asleep , I wake up to 7 missed calls from DH and call him straight back. He's walking out of work to come home as he's worried about me. I'm a bit confused and ask him why he's coming home and he tells he that his mum phoned him to say that she was outside our house and worried about me as she can't get a reply from the doorbell even though 'Ben is expecting me'. DH is worried that something has happened and gives her the code to the key safe so she can come in and check on me.

She then texts him a 'False alarm!' with a smiley face.

I go downstairs to find DDs birthday present sitting neatly on the kitchen table.

Who the fuck does that?

OP posts:
Weezol · 17/07/2019 15:54

My mum lost her hair through alopecia. My cousin kept trying to 'accidentally' walk in on her when she had her wig or scarf off. My dad suggested writing 'Fuck off Jo' on the back of my mum's head in eyeliner.

Because we're all adults he instead spoke to 'Jo' about it, but my mum was sorely tempted.

Sadly, your MIL is much more devious and downright nasty than my eejit cousin. Back your husband up and keep her toxicity well away from your family and home.

longtompot · 17/07/2019 16:05

How awful! Your poor dh must have been beside himself with worry. Then for her to say false alarm in that way.
Good for you for telling her how out of order she was. I wouldn't hold my breath, but I hope she realises how awful she is behaving.
All the best for the rest of your treatment op Flowers

BlueJag · 17/07/2019 16:12

@Weezol I'm not sure if this will help but I was losing my hair I had 3 bold patches. I had tests done and my vitamin D levels were very low. It may be worth having test done and see if she can get her hair back. My alopecia is gone now.

Weezol · 17/07/2019 16:20

Thanks Blue - she tried everything, steroid injections in the scalp, the lot. It's been years now and she's slowly come to terms with it and only covers her head if she's in public. In friends/family homes she takes her wig off if she gets too warm.

I'm not saying she's into one upmanship, but when all her menopausal mates are stripping off their jumpers and tshirts, she always waits till last to take her hair off. She'd definitely have 'Fuck off Jo' written on the back of her head these days. Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/07/2019 16:21

Next time she asks to take your headscarf off, tell her you'll do it when she takes off her wig. If she denies wearing a wig, then insist she's lying.

Grin
ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 17/07/2019 16:21

Gosh what a woman your mil is! I went through chemo last year and it definitely takes a toll on your self esteem with all the physical changes. Now I hope you don't mind my suggestion (I've got a dark sense of humour) what about getting some cheap wigs on eBay and wrapping your scarf around them and then if she asks again you can unwrap your new look! Wink hope you don't have many sessions left.

InsertFunnyUsername · 17/07/2019 16:54

YANBU What a nutcase.

OVienna · 17/07/2019 17:34

Am I the only one who thinks @BenWillbondsPants has earned the Victoria Cross for coping with this cuntery?

You told her you didn't feel well. You've been going through chemo. She entered your property and probably spied on you.

Send her to the friggin' Tower.

CallmeBadJanet · 17/07/2019 17:39

I'd be changing countries! She cray, cray!

meercat23 · 17/07/2019 17:42

Ben. Words fail me and that doesn't happen often. The manipulation to get her own way is seriously unpleasant but the constant asking to see you without your scarf is seriously and weirdly nasty.

To the PP who objected that the way people were talking about this mil is offensive I would say read again what she had done. She is offensive.

Kath246 · 17/07/2019 17:43

You're learning just how MILs are I'm afraid! Next time, just give her the damn safe lock code yourself and tell her to leave the present downstairs as you'll be in bed. Avoids a lot of shit in the long run.

mylifestory · 17/07/2019 17:46

Narcissistic personality disorder. Read up on it. Other things she does which may not have seemed too odd before will suddenly fall into place. anything she does in future like this, do not shout, do not react, or she will love it!

NameChangeNugget · 17/07/2019 17:46

What a mentalist

ToftyAC · 17/07/2019 17:48

Well done OP. Best of British to you for standing your ground when you felt so shit. Good luck with your recovery and sorry that such stupendous batshittery scared the crap out of your DH.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 17/07/2019 17:52

@BenWillbondsPants - you coped with this really well and stood up to this voyeristic nincompoop... also just a quick reminder about the Keycode Grin

manicmij · 17/07/2019 17:52

Do you have access to her home? Uf so just turn up when you know she is out, make yourself a cuppa, bake a cake, do your washing ironing then leave a note saying 'sorry you were out when I called'.

Whosorrynow · 17/07/2019 17:53

she's the empress, she must have her way and the ends justify the means
show her no mercy!

csigeek · 17/07/2019 17:53

She's a fruit loop!
I'm beginning to wonder if I'm abnormal for getting on well with my MIL! Maybe it's because she's 120 miles away?

flowergrrl77 · 17/07/2019 17:54

I was gonna make a joke about changing the key code or cancelling the cheque, but I can’t do it!

Instead I just wanna give you a hug. She has no right to try to catch you out without your headscarf if you don’t want to be seen without it at the moment xx Flowers

saraclara · 17/07/2019 17:54

You're learning just how MILs are I'm afraid!

Generalising much?

I have a fab MIL. I'm much closer to her than my own mum, and she's never once interfered in my life. And I know plenty of other people who are similarly lucky. I really hate the MIL negativity on MN sometimes.

(Obviously this thread is a different matter altogether)

Whosorrynow · 17/07/2019 17:55

remember that retaliation is tantamount to accepting the pig's invitation to step into the wrestling ring
(pig always wins)

AmateurSwami · 17/07/2019 17:56

You're learning just how MILs are I'm afraid! Next time, just give her the damn safe lock code yourself and tell her to leave the present downstairs as you'll be in bed. Avoids a lot of shit in the long run

Op said it’s been 20 yrs now! And why should she bow to this bully?

JumpingJaneFlash · 17/07/2019 17:56

I’ve a sister who insists on presents being brought over “on the day” and nothing will stop her. She rarely sees my DC any other time!

meercat23 · 17/07/2019 17:59

You're learning just how MILs are I'm afraid! I would be devastated if I I learned that my DIL thought this. I am sure she doesn't think I am perfect but I would hate to think she would think I could behave like this Mil

meercat23 · 17/07/2019 18:00

That first bit was supposed to be in bold. !!