To think that MIL crossed a line today and to have told her so.

[BenWillbondsPants]

It's DD's birthday today. MIL rang this morning to say that she would bring her present up today. I asked if she would mind leaving it until later in the week as a) DD is actually away on a residential and not here til Friday and b) I'm not well, feeling shit and wanted to go to back to bed.

She said she wanted to bring it today - I said, again, please can we leave it today. MIL says OK but I can tell not massively happy. She does like things her own way.

I go back to bed and fall asleep , I wake up to 7 missed calls from DH and call him straight back. He's walking out of work to come home as he's worried about me. I'm a bit confused and ask him why he's coming home and he tells he that his mum phoned him to say that she was outside our house and worried about me as she can't get a reply from the doorbell even though 'Ben is expecting me'. DH is worried that something has happened and gives her the code to the key safe so she can come in and check on me.

She then texts him a 'False alarm!' with a smiley face.

I go downstairs to find DDs birthday present sitting neatly on the kitchen table.

Who the fuck does that?

Deny not sent!

It sounds like a firm hand is needed, and you sound capable of doing that!
If she asks about your headscarf again then say no and I've already told you no, please stop asking, the answer isn't going to change.

Oh and make sure you change that lock and cancel any cheques too!

I'd definitely not stoop to her level - returning present / being mean back etc.
Otherwise it will turn into tit for tat back and forth and my goodness who's got time for that! Especially with chemo - hope your on the mend!

Good grief OP she is one nasty bitch.

Why should the child loose out?

What a witch. The new code should not be provided again, your husband would have been so worried as chemo can make you very ill. It’d Be a cold day in hell before she came into my house again. What is the fascination with seeing you without hair?

YOU CAN MAKE THE OP POSTS BE A DIFFERENT COLOUR IF YOU GO IN YOUR SETTINGS so if you’re incapable of reading a thread (all on one page! That’s an option too!) you can at least check what OP has replied, so as not to type a completely irrelevant comment and make a dick of yourself.
I hope there’s a good reason why this creepy fucker is in your life OP, if not, let your husband deal with her from now on, away from your property.

@Singlebutmarried

Os your husband supporting you though and..HAVE YOU CHANGED THE CODE?

That's important

why did she say false alarm?how did she know this.

Seriously now, that's some proper batshit behaviour. Ignoring the madness of it all, what's really concerning is that her need to "win" was above the well being of her son(worrying him) or the risk of consequences.

That makes her seriously unpredictable and I wouldn't trust her going forwards. This time it was annoying and frustrating but fairly harmless. Next time might not be so, or it might involve your DD.

YANBU, and she needs telling. Not just that but to realise that her behaviour does have consequences and maybe it's time she start to consider that before "going all in".

Well next time she mentions seeing you without your head scarf you can say pointedly haven’t you already?
Or, smile and say jokily when hell freezes over.

OP, I think you should really make one thing your priority - CHANGE THE CODE

Next time she asks to take your headscarf off, tell her you'll do it when she takes off her wig. If she denies wearing a wig, then insist she's lying.

I completely understand how you feel about the scarf thing OP. I’m going through chemo myself and have lost my hair, and am feeling very self conscious about it and when I shaved it, the amount of ‘take your beanie off and show us!’ And ‘send me a selfie! Let’s facetime so I can see!’ really made me 🤨. It’s not a fashion statement made for your entertainment! 💐

If she is, as it seems, a narcissist and she did spy on you without your scarf, then she will let you know she has seen you. She won't be able to help herself. It's not a win until it's been acknowledged.

Please hide any pet rabbits you have OP

I feel bad, but my first thought was "Fucking witch."

Interesting that adrienne has her in a wig too

I am so impressed at how you handled it, and glad that you have a great DH. I hope you get through the chemo and your cancer OK

God, op mil is completely batshit. To all the people saying return the present, I don’t think that is fair as it is not OPs. It’s her DD. As she is away, she is unlikely going to know what has happened and it not fair to punish her, although if she is of secondary age, I would tell her what her wacko of a grand mother did then DD could make her own decision.

Well done for handing this so well. She sounds hideous.

I’d text her. “You’ve crossed a line today. Our relationship has been fundamentally changed due to this outrageous breach of trust. Do not contact us whilst we decide how we are going to navigate our future relationship with you, if indeed we decide that we still want one.”

And I agree with a previous suggestion of employing the ‘grey rock’ technique. Take care of yourself 😊

Also, maybe change the code and get your husband to back you up 😉

@Singlebutmarried

What?!?!?!? You need to tell us more. How did you find out she'd said it? I hope you confronted her. What was her "excuse"? Does she have dementia or something?

I'm thrilled for you that your DH stood up for you. My MIL would do exactly this and my DH would encourage me to see it as 'enthusiasm' or 'quirkinesses' and tell me to take care and be 'the bigger person' so I don't offend her.

Your MIL sounds batshit and someone disrespecting boundaries while you are vulnerable and sensitive (for good bloody reason!) is the last thing you need. Good on you for telling her off, and now take a much needed break from her BS.

I hope you have a full recovery very soon.

@PapayaCoconut does she fuck have dementia.

She’s just batshit.

My SIL told me not long after I’d married. There’s a whole list of things over the years.

I’ve not seen her this year so far, DH does the necessary but she’s pretty rude to him.

If you have a key to her place, I’d sneak over there and leave the present back on her kitchen table. Childish, maybe, satisfying, definitely 👍