To dislike when strangers ask me the age gap of my children?

[Elmo311]

I know this is probably irrational, but I have a small gap between kids.
I was in the post office today and the que was massive, as I was leaving this random woman asked me really loudly what my kids age gap is, I told her "it's not a very big one!" And left.
Why are people so nosey ?!

I think I'm annoyed because it was in the most quiet place, and I can imagine everyone's ears were tuned in!

Why to people need to know / ask, when they don't even know me? Especially in a post office FGS...

Rant over!

20 months between mine & I seem to be getting the "are they twins" thing pretty much every time we go out at the moment. They're 5 & 7y & it's just got worse over the years as DC2 has grown & is now nearly the same height. It doesn't bother me when it comes up in conversation but I do get a bit when some random stranger sees them playing, smiles & says "awww, are they twins?" Usually it's said loud enough for them to hear & DC1 is a sensitive soul - I worry how many times it'll take of me having to explain that DC2 is just a bit taller than DC1 was at the same age before it becomes a "I'm too short" self-esteem issue. It's never occurred to me to ask if someone else's children are twins so I'm baffled by the number of people who seem to need to know whether they were in my womb simultaneously!

Well OP it's better than getting asked if they have the same dad

My ds's look like each parent, one with curly brown hair the other with straight blonde. Even now at 12 & 14 people still think they have different dads!

A bit touchy haha
Who cares about the little gap?
Don't be insure about it
Just say 12 months. Or 15 months or whatever the gap is.
And then when people say"wow that is close together"
You just respond with a" sure is"
And then get on with it 😊
You are not always being judged for the little gap. Yes it will happen (i speak from experience) but wo cares😊 these are strangers. The might be just wanting to have a bit of small talk

@ittakes2 You're so lucky not to get asked!
There is no way they look like they could be twins (yet)!

@lifeinthedeep high five! Yes it was very intrusive and annoying and I thought I wouldn't be thinking about it still but because of this thread I still am 😅

If you would like a smaller gap then go for it, just be aware that when you're rushing people will ask you what the gap is to cure their own curiosity (nosiness)

Yes- a bit touchy- people are making conversation - and with not much to go on to start it up, they look around to find something to say, to make a social connection with you.
Commenting on the age gap between your children is fairly neutral compared to other possibilities- What's that spot on your nose? Are your varicose veins playing up?
And less neutral than failsafes like It's hot in here isn't it? Ooh what a long queue... etc

@bettytaghetti I agree with you that it's a personal question you shouldn't blurt out at an absolute stranger.

@Happyspud I wouldn't say it's 'weird' or an 'amazing' piece of info but that's just me.
I'm not in a zoo!

@LollyBmummy3 I would've hated that :( that would have bothered me a lot too.

I get that people are trying to make a conversation, but why choose to do so when I'm leaving? It was clearly her being nosy.

@Yeahnahmum I see what you're saying, but I don't see that as small talk really, and what's the point in small talk when I'm leaving the shop?

Maybe I'm wrong to find that question intrusive, but I do.

@El0die I genuinely would've preferred those other questions! Sometimes it's nice not to talk about the kids at every interaction!

I don't see the need for a stranger to speak to me, but it's obviously it's to satisfy their curiosity in regards to the gap and not anything else. Which gets my back up a bit! (Well it did yesterday when I was trying to leave!)

This thread has been an eye opener to me. I guess one man's nosy question is another man's friendly small talk. I feel old reading this, because nobody I know would consider that nosy. It's just chat between bored mothers in a long queue, surely? I don't think it'd bother me tbh but then I haven't got a chip on my shoulder the width of cheddar gorge.

Yep this. I have a small age gap and often get asked by strangers, I don't mind at all and in fact I quite like it, often people will tell me about their experiences of a small age gap etc, but then I do like chatting!

And yes I get that it was while you were leaving the shop but I still don't think it would bother me! But I don't consider it top confidential info.

@bramblepop It will be because you like chatting! Haha

Why do you answer honestly. Just say 18 months or whatever.

@QueenBeee I could do that but I'm not ashamed of the gap I just don't want to be questioned.

Yeah op haha some people are just plain weird. But maybe they meant well. Maybe they have noone to talk to. Maybe they dont know about how to be civil. And Maybe they are just cf's. Haha

You could also just ignore. I do that from time to time. I dont owe anyone an answer. Especially not a stranger as i am leaving a shop indeed op 😉.

You will get this question asked another 3628 times. So just be prepared for that. Thats why i said: either come up with a witty response or ignore. But def not let it get to you! You are cool. Your kids are cool.

Your gap is cool 😉

I have twins... we get a lot of people asking questions! One of the most common questions is asked several different ways eg “are there twins in your family” but people ask if they are “natural” twins! Nope, ivf... does that make them unnatural?!

Asking what your DCs age gap is not a question about your sex life FFS. Surely most couples are having sex again by 8/9 months post partum short of birth injuries or hating each other. They're just curious and perhaps nosy but not about your sexual activity.

"Questioned" sounds like you were being interrogated, the majority of the time it's just small talk.

They'll walk away and won't give it a second thought but you're stewing over it!

Embrace it OP and don’t be so precious and over sensitive. I had a 13 month age gap and at one stage for a while mine looked like twins. I had waited so long for them both, loved them so much and was so proud of them I didn’t mind who knew the age gap and I would have talked about this and them to anyone stranger or not.

@bramblepop I guess it does feel like being questioned when you don't want to answer it

@Daddylonglegs1965 We are just very different, and have different stories. I'm glad you enjoyed talking to strangers about your LO's.

If you find it rude you don't have to answer, you can just ignore and walk away.

It's not a rude question in itself but the person asking it may have asked in a rude way?

OP I am guessing you are quite a young mum or an extremely private?
I was 38 when I had my first. My friends had had LO’s years ago, DH was at work 13 hours a day, my parents were obsessed looking after my niece/first grandchild to notice we even existed so yes I would chat to anyone. If I see a new mum in a lift with one or two babies in a pushchair I am that nosey, irritating person, smiling fondly at the babies, sometimes making small talk, showing an interest in the children and acknowledging how hard it can be at times. Sometimes if one person did this it absolutely made my day and on some days they might have been one of the few adult people I had spoken to that day. Equally some old people are lonely and remember happier times with their children who have left home and flown the best now.