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Original poster

To dislike when strangers ask me the age gap of my children?

180 replies

Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 16:30

I know this is probably irrational, but I have a small gap between kids.
I was in the post office today and the que was massive, as I was leaving this random woman asked me really loudly what my kids age gap is, I told her "it's not a very big one!" And left.
Why are people so nosey ?!

I think I'm annoyed because it was in the most quiet place, and I can imagine everyone's ears were tuned in!

Why to people need to know / ask, when they don't even know me? Especially in a post office FGS...

Rant over!

OP posts:
Iwantacookie · 16/07/2019 21:26

I used to get this alot when eldest two were little. 18 month gap between them.
It never used to bother me and as they got older nobody notices.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 22:05

@RockyRolly I'm mad I know! I was pretty much back to normal after 3 weeks post c sections. Gonna have a break from babies now though :)
Thanks for the appreciation! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 22:10

@Boohooyouho people can be so rude! What she said to you was horrible.
You're right, people will always judge... it just means I'll stop answering their questions :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 22:11

@Iwantacookie I have a few years to go until nobody notices , kinda can't wait!

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 22:12

@Snog I could get away with that as I'm Irish 😅

OP posts:
ifeellikeanidiot · 16/07/2019 22:19

My two have a 15m gap. They're older now, but I've often struck up the "what's the gap" chat with mums with much younger kids.

I do it cause I found it so tough at the time, and really appreciated every bit if friendly adult interaction. I do it cause I feel like I'm part of a club, and i figure it never harms to let people know how much easier it's going to get.

But of course I'll stop all that now. Cause apparently its rude and personal. Who knew 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 22:27

@ifeellikeanidiot As I've said in the thread, many times, it was how she asked me. That then made me irritated because it's none of her business and it's the only question she wanted to ask because she was being nosy.

I personally, wouldn't start off a convo that way.

It's nice that you'd like to give advice , be part of a 'club' etc but I just want to get on with my day without being barked questions at when I'm trying to leave a shop.

OP posts:
RiftGibbon · 16/07/2019 22:28

I've got a friend who has a 20yr gap between her youngest and next child. I hate to think what sorts of intrusive questions she gets asked.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/07/2019 22:29

But of course I'll stop all that now. Cause apparently its rude and personal. Who knew 🤷‍♀️
Meh, if you read the original post and the thread you'd see it quite clearly isn't about people striking up a conversation, it's about people coming up to you, asking one personal question and walking away. OP was walking out of the shop when the lady practically shouted the question at her. I've had people walk past, stop, turn around, come back to ask one question and then walk off again.

They aren't trying to be nice and bond, share experiences or offer support.
They're indulging their fleeting nosiness

ifeellikeanidiot · 16/07/2019 22:42

The stranger clearly didn't have great social skills - inappropriate timing, poorly delivered question. But I'm sure her motives were good. She meant no harm - she just blurted out something and got it wrong 🤷‍♀️

I dont doubt it was annoying, but angry indignation is ultimately only going to make you feel worse in the long run. Always best to attribute the best possible motive to people and move on.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 22:50

@ifeellikeanidiot You're right, and I'm sure I will have forgotten all about it soon!

OP posts:
TheJoxter · 16/07/2019 23:00

I never ask but I’ve had people offer this kind of information to me... Lovely old lady in the fabric shop who was admiring newborn DS had four children and the biggest age gap was 11 months. Woman who helped me load up my shopping when DS was refusing to go in the buggy had decided to adopt 2 babies when her youngest was 10... then got pregnant again so went from having none under 10 to 3 under 3 in the space of a year!

I was very impressed by both of them!

AuditAngel · 16/07/2019 23:00

I have 2.5 years between my older two, but DS is small and DD is tall, so even now (at 12.5 and 15) I get asked if they are twins.

Hearthside · 16/07/2019 23:17

I am the opposite OP i have a 12 year between eldest and youngest DC .I commonly get oh 2nd family then 😯.Actually no same DF not that it any tour bloody business.

Hearthside · 16/07/2019 23:17

your

ittakes2 · 16/07/2019 23:22

I have never had that and I have fraternal twins who don't look alike. So I think they are just making conversation. Is there a chance people think they are twins and are asking the difference in time of their births? We do have that question - people ask how far apart my children were born but they are referring to how many minutes/hours apart.

Whatsername7 · 16/07/2019 23:26

I get it. There are 5.5 years between my girls and my mum.must mention the 'huge gap' at least once a week. I was traumatised after dd1 had colic I didn't think I wanted another. Then I mc'd and struggled to get pg. Still, I really didn't plan the gap very well did I? Hmm Mostly, people say dumb stuff when they feel they should speak. Agree with you that it id irritating.

Dementedswan · 16/07/2019 23:33

I had boys 15 months apart .. I'd be a millionaire if every one that told me I has adorable twins and had my hands full! Yes there is is only a 16lb difference 🤷‍♀️🙄🤣

lifeinthedeep · 16/07/2019 23:38

Oh lord, why is this thread is making me broody (ds1 is only 7 months old).

@Elmo311 that lady was definitely being rude and intrusive. I hate it when I’m in a rush and people talk to me...

...oh and don’t worry- we also did the deed 10 days post emergency cesarian Halo

bettytaghetti · 16/07/2019 23:57

If you find that rude, you wouldn't believe what I got asked not once, but many times when my boys were little. One was dark haired and the other fair (it seems to be a familial trait with both my DBs & 2 sets of cousins) and I used to get complete strangers asking if they had the same father, no preamble! 😱

And yes, they do! 😂

Happyspud · 17/07/2019 00:02

Your gap is weird. People are not blind. It’s nit a negative, it’s an amazing piece of info and a chat. Chill out.

Happyspud · 17/07/2019 00:04

Betty sorry, but is there something wrong with having different fathers or are you going to tell me that it’s just a bit personal to ask? (A bit personal = you think it’s a negative). Let’s jyst be honest here with what exactly your issue was with that question.

bettytaghetti · 17/07/2019 00:08

Happyspud, clearly that it's a very personal question to ask someone you don't know.

Happyspud · 17/07/2019 00:10

Only if it’s perceived as a negative.

LollyBmummy3 · 17/07/2019 00:43

I think she was just making conversation. It’s just human nature to be interested in others. I don’t mind people talking to or asking me about my children within reason. However there was an occasions I didn’t like. An older man in a supermarket once asked me my then 5yr old sons name. I saw him again later In the same shop, he totally ignored me and spoke directly to my son asking him where he lived and for his phone number. Obviously at this point i intervened and told him where to go. I should have reported him to the shop security and police but I was so shocked and desperate to get my kids away from him. It worries me still years later that i didn't do anything about it. Another person ( a former neighbour of my parents) asked me if my 2 oldest children had different dads as one is blonde the other dark. They don’t, and obviously it wouldn’t matter a jot if they did. I was just taken aback by how bold she was to come right out and ask! 😱I’d never dream of asking something like that. I do like chatting to new people when out and about but I know what is appropriate and what is not. Some people don’t! Once an old lady told me I was the first person she’d spoken to for 5 days.😥

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