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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike when strangers ask me the age gap of my children?

180 replies

Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 16:30

I know this is probably irrational, but I have a small gap between kids.
I was in the post office today and the que was massive, as I was leaving this random woman asked me really loudly what my kids age gap is, I told her "it's not a very big one!" And left.
Why are people so nosey ?!

I think I'm annoyed because it was in the most quiet place, and I can imagine everyone's ears were tuned in!

Why to people need to know / ask, when they don't even know me? Especially in a post office FGS...

Rant over!

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 19:12

@Bringonspring I get that a lot anyway! And I look at them both and say "c-sections" lol

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 16/07/2019 19:15

I get it a lot. About 3 time a a week or so. I just tell them? They don't mean anything by it.

MyReadingChallenge · 16/07/2019 19:15

Oh no, I often ask this at playgroup because I’m trying to visualise what different age gaps are actually like. It hadn't even crossed my mind it was at all a contentious question 😬. Where I am, a very small age gap is normal as people tend to have their children later then have a couple in quick succession.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 19:18

@YouJustDoYou I would've told her but I felt it was rude the way she asked me as I was leaving. That's all

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 19:19

@MyReadingChallenge At playgroup it's fine to ask :)

OP posts:
Elvesdontdomagic · 16/07/2019 19:34

I'm with you now OP! No I wouldn't blurt it out as you were leaving a shop. Context is everything. I would just ignore someone if I thought they were being rude.

amusedbush · 16/07/2019 19:39

My brother is six years younger than me and total strangers would ask my mum if we both have the same dad! We do, for the record, but people can be so rude Hmm

alittlerayofsunshine · 16/07/2019 19:40

YABU. And touchy.

alittlerayofsunshine · 16/07/2019 19:42

My friend (now 45,) has a brother who is 15 years younger than her, and she got asked CONSTANTLY when she was looking after him/babysitting if she was his mother. (When she was 16-19, and he was baby/toddler age.)

She got so sick of it, that by 19 y.o. she refused to leave the house with him LOL!

So I can see that some questions are annoying/intrusive, but someone asking the age gap between your kids (who look very similar age,) is no biggie IMO.

Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 19:50

@Elvesdontdomagic Yes, context is everything.
Glad you can see my point of view now :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 19:51

@alittlerayofsunshine I have never been called Touchy 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Elmo311 · 16/07/2019 19:54

@alittlerayofsunshine it's all about context and the way she asked me though, to just blurt it out loudly whilst I'm leaving was rude.

OP posts:
Myfoolishboatisleaning · 16/07/2019 19:58

I love when I see a small age gap so am curious to know what it is. Mine are very close in age and it was the most fun so I love talking to others with little kids close in age.

Serin · 16/07/2019 19:59

DS1 was 8 weeks old when I found out I was expecting DS2.Blush
I thought I'd got some sort of infection as kept feeling sick in the morning.
They have been like twins growing up, absolutely best mates.

LakieLady · 16/07/2019 20:00

My friend (now 45,) has a brother who is 15 years younger than her, and she got asked CONSTANTLY when she was looking after him/babysitting if she was his mother. (When she was 16-19, and he was baby/toddler age.)

I used to get that, but there's only 10 years between me and my bro. I had an early puberty, was tall for my age and had big tits by the time I got to secondary school, so looked a fair bit older. One of my friends nicknamed my DB "Afterthought" which was very unkind, but seemed amusing when I was 14 or so.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/07/2019 20:06

@dreichhighlands
I'm only 14 weeks and i'm already driven crazy by
"do you know what you're having?"
"no but they're identical"
"oh lovely, maybe one of each then"

isitfridayyet1 · 16/07/2019 20:30

I get this a lot too (my sons are 20 months apart but the 2nd is big for his age). I've also been asked if they're twins before people have even had a chance to take a proper look in the double buggy and work out the youngest is only 5 months old!
I've also been asked if my second was planned, I wasn't offended at first but my husband was! I think often people plan children at least 3 years apart for financial reasons and are surprised when others don't do the same. If you end up with a lesser age gap they presume you must have been caught out! Both our children were planned.

My come back has always been 'my second was planned but happened sooner than we thought it would'!

Muddledupme · 16/07/2019 20:46

I had someone ask me "real or Irish?" Once I looked at her totally dumbfounded so she repeated it three times before I realised what she meant so I replied "neither" As I walked away my eldest daughter said " why aren't we real are we toys?" That took some explaining.

Boohooyouho · 16/07/2019 21:01

Totally outing to anyone who knows me but my older two are 10 months apart, at a party when the oldest was at Nursery a mum asked about the age gap. I told her and her response was “you want to keep your legs closed” It’s not often I am actually rendered speechless. I also get asked if they’re twins all the time, and I love saying no, then saying they’re both 5, and watching the confusion. People always make judgments but I’ve learned to ignore them. Funniest thing is that they’re adopted so it wasn’t my decision to have that small an age gap, and I love it when people see a wedding photo and realise that I was married two months before my oldest was born, yet I was not pregnant.

RockyRolly · 16/07/2019 21:08

I've only read the OP but honestly for me its fascination how any woman is having sex in general let alone choosing to have unprotected sex so soon after having a baby. It totally boggles my mind as I only felt normal after about 6 months! That's why I would ask someone (someone I vaguely know though, not a stranger!) Because I'm slightly in awe of how some women can snap back and get on with snagging when for at least 10 months I wanted my husband as far away from me as possible whilst we struggled to cope with sleep etc. So fair play to you - dont be offended unless they're clearly being rude when they ask you!

RockyRolly · 16/07/2019 21:09

*shagging not snagging

RockyRolly · 16/07/2019 21:12

@Elmo311 I've just read you had a c section too?! I did as well and yet I was bleeding for 5 weeks and my scar was healing for agessss no way my husband was getting near me. Honestly I am shocking and in awe even more! And I wanted a small age gap!!

TheDarkPassenger · 16/07/2019 21:22

My family’s all over the place and it’s difficult sometimes. We have 3 kids and only the eldest and youngest are my partner’s! What a fart on it is to explain to people but otherwise they’re just left scratching their heads

Snog · 16/07/2019 21:23

Just say Irish Twins

TheDarkPassenger · 16/07/2019 21:23

We also wanted another immediately after my daughter was born and we nearly started trying but we changed our minds during the sleep regression (that has lasted 5 years so far) and now I feel completely done 😂

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