Misdelivered package - aibu to not let Dh return it to right address

[yarenbaren]

Recently my DH decided to work as an independent contractor. He still often works for his previous employer but is paid significantly more. It's worked well for us as it has coincided with the birth of our first child. Although DH has more free time we're still adjusting to the insecurity of our situation (especially as I'm currently on maternity leave).

Dh can be miserly e.g the other day I fancied having lunch by the river as the weather was perfect. DH reminded me of our "financial situation" and suggested we go the following week as "we had already been out plenty" that week. I agreed. I reminded myself we don't know where DH's next role will be and I'd prefer not to dip into our savings (we are planning a significant extension).

Anyway, a package has been delivered today but it was supposed to be sent to an address 4 miles away! Dh says he will drive it over later. Aibu to think DH is being totally hypocritical? I would prefer to let the delivery company deal with it. Why should we spend the petrol money (heavy box)? DH says it's the polite thing to do.

I want to be able to enjoy this time with our first baby and not have to worry about money. Despite earning a good amount DH has made me cut back but will happily throw money now for no reason. I know I am being petty as it's only going to cost us a few pence but it's the principle. Aibu?

(it's mostly national speed limit/winding country roads to the address)

"I'm only objecting to the petrol money on principle."

What principle?

The principle of forbidding your dh from doing a kindness for a stranger?

The principle of not frivolously wasting 56p?

Your DH sounds hardworking, sensible, frugal and kind.

You sound petty. The postponement of the meal obviously cut deep but you cannot draw parallels between the two events.

Your determination to make him see that wasting tuppence on petrol is the same as spending £50 on lunch for the third time that week is nonsensical.

For God sake the moisturiser was a one of purchase.

Right, but you've got to see how that comes across.

No, no one has 'got to see' anything about that. It isn't on to drag up other threads. Basic MN etiquette.

The key difference between lunch and the drive is, surely, that one is a nice thing to do with the family and the other is a (rather craven) unnecessary favour for a stranger.

Go to college and learn some life skills ffs
No, my masters has served me well enough, thanks. How rude and patronising.

Your spoilt with a terrible attitude, you are bitter about your DH delivering a parcel and not going out for a meal, yet you did not think twice about spending £400 on a moisturiser. Grow up

I think YABU with regards to lunch. Fifty quid is a busting load of nappies or pretty much a weeks shop of basics (or just my entire weekly shop!) I get that it's nice to go out for lunch, but then so is packing up a picnic.

I frittered so much money on Mat Leave. Those coffees add up to much more than you'd think.

YANBU about the delivery. The right thing to do is to contact the delivery company. It's their error to correct and as PP have said, don't put yourselves in a position where the intended recipient could possibly cause problems.

WRT the issue of splashing out on a 400 quid moisturiser...up to you what you spend your money on but I guarantee that in the months and years to come you'll look back and cringe as I did when I spanked a months wages on a bag

A treat of having lunch by the river is not going to break the bank.

At £50 it would break my bank. 😳 My DH would balk at that unless it was a special occasion and I’d agree with him.

I think there are 2 issues here; firstly, is your DH BU to drive an 8 mile round trip to deliver a misdirected parcel? Yes, but not because of the money. He should inform the courier company so (a) it doesn’t keep happening and (b) so he can’t be accused of stealing the parcel.

Are you BU to compare an “at most £50 lunch” to 8 miles worth of fuel? Absolutely. My DH would probably budget even more carefully if his job wasn’t 100% secure and his income absolutely steady. I don’t blame your DH at all.

Let the courier company deal with the parcel. You will have no proof that the intended recipient has received the parcel if you hand deliver it for goodness sack

A one -off treat is fine, but you don't give the impression that you are ever willing to compromise to just one!

I think it is v kind of dh to do that, Anne am a great believer in karma. I think the meal is a red herring.

I also don't see why DH delivering the parcel is any of your business or do you not every mile he drives?

What decade are some of you living in that an 8 mile journey costs tuppence, or 50p? Would you really offer that amount to somebody giving you a lift to work, for example?

I read all the comments, replied, then read your post again. I know we want to have great times with our DC as babies, but there's a big difference between 2 sandwiches, crisps and drink from M&S by the river, than paying £50 on a meal.

Your husband is worried about where the next contract is coming from, you're spending all this money in the name of experiences.

As a child, do you think she's going to tell the difference, or do you have a following of people you're trying to impress? Does it mean more to you because you can post had wine and dinner at swanky place, above a photo of your indifferent baby & worried husband.

It's important because the best memories most of us have had as children were free. If you have this mind set, money = experiences, I'm just seeing this stressed out 5 year old, with a packed after school calendar. Who can't empathise with their peers, as happiness can't be bought. They'd love to go a friends, relax, play and have tea, but there's just no time.

Do you get where some of us are coming from?

Imagine DC was 8 and saw you arguing over whether Daddy should do something nice, where does it leave the child?

For those concerned about the package owners denying delivery, get your DH to ask them to sign something, take a photo, whatever.

Perhaps I have a terrible attitude because I have been attacked throughout the entire thread.

Your spoilt
How on earth am I spoilt? I have worked hard for every single penny I've spent.

Your DH sounds hardworking, sensible, frugal and kind

This. I think your DH sounds like a good egg. He's trying to be financially responsible and he sounds kind into the bargain.

do you have a following of people you're trying to impress? Does it mean more to you because you can post had wine and dinner at swanky place, above a photo of your indifferent baby & worried husband

If this IS the case, then don't be a knob. If it's NOT the case, still don't be a knob.

YABU with bells on, OP.

You may have worked for those pennies but you don’t understand the value of them.

I'm going to go against the grain here..

Was the decision for him to become a contractor joint,or did he just tell you how it will be? Was it made before or after the baby?

I don't think this is about lunch vs petrol. It's about him begrudging you many expenses that you would like and can fun yourself,while at the same time making unilateral decisions about his money/joint funds. If he can comment or even stop you making purchases then you have just as much say. Apparently he doesn't like it when the shoe is on the other foot.

teddypasty
In my car I can drive for 7 or 8 hours on approximately £35 of fuel.

If I was giving a lift of 8 miles I'd turn down petrol money requests because I'm not tight. I'd offer petrol money if someone drove me but would also expect them (in my circle) to turn the offer down as there's something a bit odd about handing over £2-3.

You sound like a petty spiteful child. He is trying to be helpful and do a good deed. YADBU

do you have a following of people you're trying to impress? Does it mean more to you because you can post had wine and dinner at swanky place, above a photo of your indifferent baby & worried husband

Actually, I don't even have Instagram anymore. You're all so bloody rude and ignorant with your cringey assumptions.

Perhaps I have a terrible attitude because I have been attacked throughout the entire thread

You do need to grow up a bit OP. People are disagreeing with you, on an AIBU thread that you started. That's all.

To whine I have been attacked throughout the entire thread sounds petulant and immature. Why not take on board some of the points here?
After all, you did ask for them.

Anyway, what did you think of the moisturiser OP?

You may have worked for those pennies but you don’t understand the value of them.

You've based that on 10 posts.

YABU - I think the key thing here is the lunch is just postponed, it wasn't a 'no not ever'. Just we've spent too much money this week so let's wait till next week - I think that is a really responsible attitude to have. You could have gone to the park, or for a walk if it was about spending the day with your DH and baby.

You've based that on 10 posts.

You're asking people to judge your husband based on a lot less.

You're all so bloody rude and ignorant with your cringey assumptions

No, really. You DO need to learn some life skills. Why do you think a masters has done that bit for you?

Get a grip, grow up and stop lashing out like a highly-strung 14 year old.

OP has saved money to afford being on maternity leave,she probably gets some kind of maternity pay too and they have (I assume quite big) savings for an extension. They're not exactly destitute,one pay heck away from homelessness and food banks are they?
So if OP wants to use her saved/earned money for a bloody coffee or to pay for a lunch,she should. And if he wants her not to,then he needs to give her just as much input over his own decisions.