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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Misdelivered package - aibu to not let Dh return it to right address

276 replies

yarenbaren · 16/07/2019 16:25

Recently my DH decided to work as an independent contractor. He still often works for his previous employer but is paid significantly more. It's worked well for us as it has coincided with the birth of our first child. Although DH has more free time we're still adjusting to the insecurity of our situation (especially as I'm currently on maternity leave).

Dh can be miserly e.g the other day I fancied having lunch by the river as the weather was perfect. DH reminded me of our "financial situation" and suggested we go the following week as "we had already been out plenty" that week. I agreed. I reminded myself we don't know where DH's next role will be and I'd prefer not to dip into our savings (we are planning a significant extension).

Anyway, a package has been delivered today but it was supposed to be sent to an address 4 miles away! Dh says he will drive it over later. Aibu to think DH is being totally hypocritical? I would prefer to let the delivery company deal with it. Why should we spend the petrol money (heavy box)? DH says it's the polite thing to do.

I want to be able to enjoy this time with our first baby and not have to worry about money. Despite earning a good amount DH has made me cut back but will happily throw money now for no reason. I know I am being petty as it's only going to cost us a few pence but it's the principle. Aibu?

(it's mostly national speed limit/winding country roads to the address)

OP posts:
bananasaidso · 16/07/2019 17:19

even though we are financially comfortable we don't go out to eat if we have been out already. We went through a phase where we would eat out only once a month just to save more. So I can see where your husband is coming from. And even though we try to save money ourselves we spend generously for others. Kindness never goes unrewarded. So I do think you are being petty and unreasonable.

However, in this case I will still like the delivery company to sort this issue out as this is their responsibility and the seller might need to keep a track of the delivery. It will create problems for both the seller and you guys if your husband delivers it and the person who collects the parcel later denies that he received it.

bingbongnoise · 16/07/2019 17:19

@flouncyfanny

I'd let the courier company collect and redeliver. Purely for the fact that if he does take it to them, what will prevent them from saying you kept it? He absolutely must get a receipt from them if he does take it.

I had a similar issue in the past and the police came to my house accusing me of theft/fraud. Luckily I had contacted the sender, returned the parcel and had a stamped receipt from Royal Mail, so they went away (case closed).

This. ^ No way would I take it to them, nope. Not because I am a mean tight-arse, but because it's not my responsibility, no-one will die, and the world won't topple of its axis if I don't take it to the person it was meant for. In addition, there is a risk of the person you take it to denying you brought it. (This has happened to someone I know btw, and caused them a lot of bother, trying to prove they gave the parcel to the recipient...)

I would ring the courier/supplier (whatever,) and say they need to fetch it back as it has been delivered to the wrong address.

Make sure the courier signs something to say they have taken the package back off you too.

Trust.

No.

Fucker.

Skeptical moi??? Nope, just realistic and been bitten too many times in life, with shit like this (and know a few others who have!)

@yarenbaren

Oh and you are being a BIT unreasonable about your husband being tight. Nothing worse than a tight arsed man, but refusing to spend £50 on a meal is not 'tight' it's sensible.

Bluntness100 · 16/07/2019 17:20

Your posts are making no sense op. You talk about financial insecurity, about not wanting to dip into your savings, about how you'd been out already that week a lot, and now you're all it's only fifty quid and I am easily afford it.

Which is it? Because you and your husband seem to have very different views on what you can afford. You seem to think if the money is there you should spend it. Him not.

I suggest you resolve it between yourselves by setting an agreed limit on spending per month.

I suspect though it's not just lunch is it? Your husband would say it's one thing after another you want to buy?

beckywiththecraphair · 16/07/2019 17:20

WTF is wrong with you? You would spend £400 on a face cream but begrudge 16 miles worth of petrol to help someone out and do a good turn? How bitter. Your DH is a good person to offer to do this.

bananasaidso · 16/07/2019 17:26

Also your husband is right. You have a child now. Your husband is a contractor so there will be times when he doesn't have work. You are not working. It's good to be sensible and not spend all the savings. May be try to convince him to set a going out budget fo the month. That way you can still indulge yourself sometimes. Btw how do you end up spending £50 for two adults? The most we spend is £25 and order in. For £50 we can have two meals for two adults and a child. I also agree with him about outside coffee. It's expensive and much cheaper to make it at home.

LolaSmiles · 16/07/2019 17:29

It would cost pennies to do a nice need.

There's no need to spend £50 on a lunch out.

PriestessModwena · 16/07/2019 17:30

Customer: 'Hello Mr. OP, I need you to do this super urgent and we'll pay you double.'

Mr OP: 'I'm sorry I can't, I'm delivering this parcel, for this random person, right now!

Are we assuming Mr OP has no ability to rationalise anything?

Sorry OP YABU, although I totally get you wanting to wanting the perfect 'instamoment' whilst that £400 moisturiser lasts Grin

Lily715 · 16/07/2019 17:34

I think you're reading way too much into this. Just take it to the post office and say its been delivered to the wrong address. And then move on with your life.

Al2O3 · 16/07/2019 17:35

Open the box and see what's in it. It could be stacked to the hilt with cosmetics.

bingbongnoise · 16/07/2019 17:36

Your mistake here @yarenbaren was to not name-change for this, because people will (as always) drag up stuff from previous threads.

This 'you spent £400 on perfume' thing that you spent before you were pregnant (and you were both financially insecure,) will be dragged up throughout the thread now.

In fact, I would ask for the thread to be deleted actually, as it's not going well for you. (And it ain't gonna get better!)

TildaKauskumholm · 16/07/2019 17:36

I wouldn't go out of my way for a wrongly delivered parcel, not my fault but that of the delivery company. Contact them, or at most look up the number of the person and tell them that can collect.

themmatricc · 16/07/2019 17:37

just contact the company and tell them they delivered to the wrong address

Original poster
yarenbaren · 16/07/2019 17:38

I'm only objecting to the petrol money on principle. We have enough money to splurge here and there. I think it's a bit rich for DH to remind me of his job insecurity when it comes to my spending not his.

OP posts:
TheCrowFromBelow · 16/07/2019 17:40

He hasn't said no, though, he's said not this week because you have already been out loads.
In perspective we go out for treat about once a month, not several times a week, that's a habit not a treat.
You do sound a bit precious, sorry. Maybe suggest a nice walk down the river instead? Then you get to spend family time in the sunshine and it's free.

LolaSmiles · 16/07/2019 17:40

I'm only objecting to the petrol money on principle. We have enough money to splurge here and there. I think it's a bit rich for DH to remind me of his job insecurity when it comes to my spending not his.
When his good deed would cost pennies and your lunch plans would be £50 then objecting on principle doesn't really work though.

Thesuzle · 16/07/2019 17:41

No
Let the courier agent re collect then deliver. You are not insured for the parcel, if anything happens to it. You might have to pay, depends if the buyer took out insurance.

WomanLikeMeLM · 16/07/2019 17:42

Oh get a grip with your pettiness Hmm

Dongdingdong · 16/07/2019 17:43

I am well off and I think £50 for a pub lunch is a lot!

It really isn’t. In fact it’s a completely normal amount in London for lunch (with a drink or two) at a decent pub or restaurant.

£400 for moisturiser, on the other hand, is a huge amount to spend IMO!

Paramicha · 16/07/2019 17:44

£400 on a moisturiser.
bloody hell they saw you coming. You don't appear to have much of an angle on money your dh will need to be careful with you.
Go to college and learn some life skills ffs.

teddypasty · 16/07/2019 17:44

I get where your coming from. The poster who brought up the moisturiser is a bit spiteful, it's not in the spirit to drag up other threads out of context.

I think the issue is that it should not just be our dh's decision how money is spent. If he had said he's not hungry, or doesn't fancy it, that's perfectly reasonable. But "we've eaten out enough this week" when the money is both of yours and you've clearly stated you can afford it is a bit controlling.

The parcel is a red herring, it's just got your back up because of the above. It's not necessary to drive it round either, he could make the journey 4 or 5 times before he finds anyone in. Just call the courier.

PCohle · 16/07/2019 17:44

The two things are completely incomparable in terms of cost.

YABU trying to stop your DH doing a kind (and cheap) thing for a stranger just because he doesn't want to spend £50 whenever you want.

You are being ridiculously petty - why pick a fight with your spouse "just for the principle"?

Tallgreenbottle · 16/07/2019 17:44

£400 pot of moisturiser? You're joking right? 😂 Get some aveeno and factor 50 ffs!

Yabu too OP. But also your husband doesn't get to choose whether you go out or not. If you want to go out for lunch, go out for bloody lunch. He's not your boss.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 16/07/2019 17:45

Why couldn't you make a picnic and go for a walk and lunch by the river ??

this
sounds like you just want to spend money for the sake of it.

Just tell your DH to bring parcel to the post office and let them deal with it.

YouJustDoYou · 16/07/2019 17:45

You'd ignore the right thing to do for the sake of your own petty feelings.

DoulaDaisy · 16/07/2019 17:46

Everyone: YABU

OP: NO I'M NOTTTTT