Misdelivered package - aibu to not let Dh return it to right address

[yarenbaren]

Recently my DH decided to work as an independent contractor. He still often works for his previous employer but is paid significantly more. It's worked well for us as it has coincided with the birth of our first child. Although DH has more free time we're still adjusting to the insecurity of our situation (especially as I'm currently on maternity leave).

Dh can be miserly e.g the other day I fancied having lunch by the river as the weather was perfect. DH reminded me of our "financial situation" and suggested we go the following week as "we had already been out plenty" that week. I agreed. I reminded myself we don't know where DH's next role will be and I'd prefer not to dip into our savings (we are planning a significant extension).

Anyway, a package has been delivered today but it was supposed to be sent to an address 4 miles away! Dh says he will drive it over later. Aibu to think DH is being totally hypocritical? I would prefer to let the delivery company deal with it. Why should we spend the petrol money (heavy box)? DH says it's the polite thing to do.

I want to be able to enjoy this time with our first baby and not have to worry about money. Despite earning a good amount DH has made me cut back but will happily throw money now for no reason. I know I am being petty as it's only going to cost us a few pence but it's the principle. Aibu?

(it's mostly national speed limit/winding country roads to the address)

£50 on lunch! Shit! I went out for what I thought was an expensive lunch today (just me mind) & spent £12.95!

Okay the lunch was a poor example. There have been plenty of times when I've fancied picking up a coffee and DH has reminded me how wasteful it is.

The moisturiser thing is really skewing opinions. I purchased it once as a treat.

Bit unfair to throw it back at me.

Next time you want lunch out by the river take a picnic.

Now you have a baby does it not make sense to combine finances?

We have.

I certainly think he's being weird about it. 'the polite thing to do'?

I think I'm a pretty helpful and polite person but it wouldn't even cross my mind that it was unhelpful or impolite not to do this. Surely you contact the delivery company and point out their mistake and then help them out by arranging to be home so they can collect the parcel?

I said at most £50 for 2. Depends if we had a drink or not.

There have been plenty of times when I've fancied picking up a coffee and DH has reminded me how wasteful it is.

Your husband is right. If you add up all those "plenty of times" you wanted to buy a coffee, it would come to quite a bit of money. It's the constant little spending that gets people into big trouble. Your husband is smart enough to know this.

@Bluntness100 - the one who turns purple is Violet Beauregard, the gum chewer. You’re thinking of Verruca Salt, the spoiled one.

Op, in general do you feel like you’re not doing things “properly” unless you’re spending money? I ask because I have a friend whose first response is often to spend money and it has landed them in difficulty before. The more expensive option is preferred without actually being able to tell the difference eg they sniff at the idea of Prosecco but admit they can’t actually tell the difference between that and champagne.

Is that you Phyllis?

But even just picking up a coffee soon adds up. I get the impression your not very good at looking sensibly at finances?

I'm confused - who took the package in? If it wasn't for you or Dh why would either of you have accepted it? Do you know the person who it's addressed to?

If it was a random error on the couriers behalf I'd ring the courier and get them to collect it.

HMRC makes the calculation with £0.45 per mile

Lol, that's for using your private care for business use, you clearly don't need to factor in wear and tear on a four mile personal trip. It costs on average 14 pence per mile, so 56 pence, and one would assume he'd do it in his free time, not forego a job to do it.

So it's fifty pence v fifty quid.

I suspect the op is quite spendy and the husband more cautious and that's the issue, I mean who buys a four hundred quid moisturiser? 😂

You sound hard work and petty. £400 on moisturiser is well spent if your face is as pinched as if surely must be

How can you say that? You don't know a thing about how I prioritise my finances.

Because the fact that you even considered it a reasonable thing to do is ridiculous to the vast, vast majority of people. That's more than my mortgage is per month. On moisturiser. It's madness.

I’m a complete people pleaser and even I wouldn’t do that.

You would be paying (time and petrol) to do a job someone has been paid to do.

I would call them to pick up though.

the one who turns purple is Violet Beauregard, the gum chewer. You’re thinking of Verruca Salt, the spoiled one.

Yes, thank you! 😂

It's extremely unfair (and incorrect) to be characterised as materialistic. I have worked hard and saved enough to enjoy this period of my life with my baby. A treat of having lunch by the river is not going to break the bank.

For God sake the moisturiser was a one of purchase.

I would call them to pick up though.

Even more of a pain though as that means someone has to sit and wait in so time wise 15 minutes to drop it off makes more sense

why don’t you and DH agree a split of personal spends then ? Saves arguing on whose spending what if you are paying for it from your ‘allowance’.

Suggesting you wait until next week for lunch out is one thing.

Driving 8 miles in total to do something nice is another.

YABU

If lunch won’t break the bank, neither will an eight mile round trip.

You’ve admitted you are being petty about the car journey but you are still resentful about the pub lunch. I am well off and I think £50 for a pub lunch is a lot! It sounds as you are used to having a high level of disposable income and I don’t think you have fully adjusted to the reality of living on one less secure income yet. Your DH sounds more sensible and grounded.

Next time your DH is around on a sunny day, why not pack up a picnic and go to the river? Or go to M&S and buy some sandwiches? You’ll get to enjoy some family time without spending a fortune.

FWIW I wouldn’t drive the parcel to the intended recipients 4 miles away, not because of the expense but because I hate driving.

The parcel is a one off spend of pennies.

The lunch is £50! or 2 coffees £7 or so, and those are regular habits to get in to. That kind of pattern of easy spending on luxuries can easily rack up.

The two are neither comparable or related in any way.

It is absolutely sensible that with only one of you currently working, and with an insecurity of income that you stop luxuries like expensive lunches out or coffees.

It is also perfectly reasonable to spend a few pennies in petrol to drop a parcel back to someone. Personally, I wouldn't, because I'd be worried about not have any proof that I'd delivered it, but that would be the only reason. Money wouldn't come in to it.

For God sake the moisturiser was a one of purchase.

Right, but you've got to see how that comes across. £400 on a pot of moisturiser (whether it's a one-off or a regular thing) is an absolutely ridiculous amount of money and something most people would never even consider, let alone alone actually spend.

It says a lot about attitudes, I think.

Anyway, as for the £50 lunch out - why do you need to spend £50 to have lunch out with your husband and baby? Have a picnic and go and sit by the river instead.