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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my step mother to put a bit of effort into a small favour I'm doing her...?

242 replies

CarolineTheChemist · 16/07/2019 15:40

Hello Mumsnetters!
I need your honest and brutal opinions...

A few months ago I moved into a beautiful old house and decided to make a new name sign for the front gate as the existing one was horrible. I paint as a hobby so I'm good with a paintbrush, and the old owners had kindly left some old bits of wood and a pot of black wood paint in the garage.

I spent ages looking for a font that I felt reflected the character of the house and it's quirky name. Once DH and I had chosen our favourite font, I painted an old plank black, stencilled the house name on the wood and filled it with white acrylic. Naturally as a painted I enjoyed this and got a lot of satisfaction when I hung it on the gate.

This weekend we had a house warming party and I got a lot of compliments on my new sign. My step mother asked me to make her one as she doesn't like their current one. One of my nearby neighbours drove past recently and later text me asking where I got it from, so I offered to make her one too.

I spent some time looking up fonts for both of them - they both have different style houses so I spent some time thinking about what might suit them, and gave them about 30/40 examples to choose their faves from. My step mother hasn't looked at the options I sent her, and instead has just replied saying she wants hers to be the same font as mine.

I don't feel okay about that. They live about 15 miles away so I guess it's not really a big deal, but I spent so much time choosing a font to reflect the character of our house that I don't like it that she's not putting in that effort for hers.

I glibly replied to her earlier saying she could only have that font if she could pick it out of the selection I sent her. Now I regret that as it could be seen as a bit childish.... When I agreed to make her one I didn't expect her to want the exact same thing as ours.

The question is am I being unreasonable in feeling irritated by this?

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 16/07/2019 16:33

It really wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
Would you also have been upset if she'd chosen a different font and taken it as a slight thinking she doesn't like your font?Grin

VivienneHolt · 16/07/2019 16:33

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. For one thing, 30-40 examples is mental. Nobody would want to look through that many. For another, I think you’re being precious over a font you didn’t invent. I don’t think it’s fair to claim that kind of personal ownership over someone else’s work.

I also think your response to your stepmother was quite petty, and instead of being mean you could have just said ‘I really would rather you chose a different one, how about X - it really suits the character of your house’. There was no need to be mean just because she also likes the same font (again, not invented by you!) that you do.

I guess the alternative is she could make it herself, if it’s a case of stencilling rather than actually painting. If that would make you feel less irritated you could suggest it to her.

dreichhighlands · 16/07/2019 16:35

OP YABU. But given this matters to you ( way more than it really should) pick a font similar but not identical to one used by yourself and use that. I doubt your MIL has given this a fraction of the thought you have.

MysweetAudrina · 16/07/2019 16:35

Well it wouldn't be the same outfit but a more suitable comparison might be that it was an outfit in the same fabric or same colour or same size.

Just do her a sign that you think will reflect the character of her house and if she doesn't like it so be it but I am sure she will if you put the thought into. It might even be nicer than your one. There is no point doing it if you are going to do it begrudgingly as that is not what art should be about. Use your artistic licence and make one that you think is appropriate for her house.

EnidButton · 16/07/2019 16:37

Is your Mumsnet name what you do for a living? Because it would explain the extreme perfectionism. Grin

Yabu on this one I'm afraid. Your outfit analogy doesn't work as your houses will never be sat in a cafe together or meet each other walking down the street so no-one (except you!) will ever notice they have the same font.

dreichhighlands · 16/07/2019 16:37

Just to add I can see the logic to what you are saying but you still aren't being reasonable.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 16/07/2019 16:37

The outfit scenario isn't comparable though, for a start there's no chance your house signs will be seen together and there's also no chance that the sign might look better on her house than on yours...

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 16/07/2019 16:40

Windings house sounds great! Just not for the love of all things holy comic sans..

Honestly if it's going to annoy you just say no. You won't get the answer you want from her on fonts.

diddl · 16/07/2019 16:40

" When I agreed to make her one I didn't expect her to want the exact same thing as ours."

Seriously??!!

What a lot of fuss.

Just use something else then!

Iltavilli · 16/07/2019 16:40

I love the comments on here!

Everyone: “YABU”

OP: “you just aren’t artistic enough to understand the impact and significance of this problem”

A very close relative is an artist. Whilst she can be very pedantic about things I don’t care less about, this is absolutely beyond anything she would do. As an artist your sign has been chosen for its style, that’s what your SM wants.

“No Mr Moore we asked you to create a sculpture in your signature semi-abstract bronze style”
Henry Moore: “no, that’s only for my house, here’s some MDF”

bluebluezoo · 16/07/2019 16:41

I bet if you hadn't offered her a choice of fonts, and just gone with one you felt appropriate, she'd have been delighted.

Not everyone is artistic. I couldn't give a fuck about fonts as long as it's not comic sans. I need a new sign for my house and fonts wouldn't even cross my mind. As long as it was spelled correctly and everyone can read it that'll do me.

You're the artist, you choose. If she spots a difference, tell her you thought the one you picked suits her house better as it isn't insert details of your house different from hers

katseyes7 · 16/07/2019 16:41

She may not have the imagination to 'see' what any of the other fonts will look like, but she knows she likes yours.
l'd just make it for her. She'll be over the moon and it'll get you major brownie points.

DoneLikeAKipper · 16/07/2019 16:41

@CarolineTheChemist, my OH has worked in design for years, seen him pour blood, sweat and tears into his work as he’s a total perfectionist. Even he wouldn’t give a shiny shite about what font went on our house, his parents, Mrs Jones down the road (well, I think he’d like TwatBag in size 50 Times New Roman on one house, but that’s another story). If he went into this much of a tizz over something so silly, I’d genuinely worry he was having some stress related breakdown.

The same outfit isn’t comparable. No one, absolutely no one, gives a shit if you have the same sign on your houses or even what kind of signage you’ve done for your home (unless you want to get one done yourself, obviously).

GU24Mum · 16/07/2019 16:42

Cant you just tell her that you really want them to be original and you think that X font would look great on her sign?

ReapersHowler · 16/07/2019 16:42

I'm an artist/creative type. I still think you're mad. It's just a font. Artists work in their own styles so if I was to create a piece of art for my wall and someone asked me for one for themselves it would be a different piece of art but still my style. It's hardly art style theft.

Original poster
CarolineTheChemist · 16/07/2019 16:44

I've just sent her a message saying that I'd select some that I think would really suit her house and that she'd also love, and that I realise that not everyone likes obsessing over design details like that as much as I do...

I've also sent a similar message to my neighbour in case she's also thinking the same thing.

Thanks MN gang - it was an unpleasant, yet worthwhile experience, but now I feel much better Grin

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/07/2019 16:44

There's no need to be condescending, OP.

how many of you who have responded would consider yourselves artistic

I would actually, I just wouldn't get so worked up over a bloody house sign...

LetsSplashMummy · 16/07/2019 16:44

If it's going to fester and annoy you, do it differently but don't say it's because she "copied," or phrase it the way you are here, that makes you look a little mad, You could say:

"I just like the challenge of designing them for each individual house, I don't really want to make the same thing over and over," and send her one design you like for her to approve.

Pick a letter in her house name that isn't in yours "I just don't like the look of h in this font, would you consider this one instead?"

White lies OP, I think she'll probably go along with your suggestions, but sending 40 to look at was a bad move!

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 16/07/2019 16:44

Send her a selection of say, 10 and tell her, that as an artist, you think these a more suited to her style of house/garden/personality and suggest she choose one of them .

If I got a message like that after the artist had agreed to take my commission then I'd tell the artist to get tae fuck if they thought their artistic sensibilities meant they knew my mind and taste better than I know it myself.

It's a house sign for a house 15 miles away, not a fucking logo for the Olympics. Either make it as she wants it or tell her you're really sorry but you no longer have the time / you've contracted RSI of the ego / there's an international wood shortage or whatever bullshit excuse won't hurt her feelings rather than the fact you're too precious to share a fucking font.

(And yes, I have sold my own artwork in the past, am married to a former artist and am a published author - does that make me creative enough to be allowed to comment? Oh, and you'd better hope your stepmother doesn't read the Daily Mail because this sort of thread is right up their street.)

ReapersHowler · 16/07/2019 16:45

An example from Etsy - here Same font for every sign. It's the same for most of the house signs too. Doesn't devalue them.

MorrisZapp · 16/07/2019 16:45

If your step maw lives in a Scottish tenement and has any font that isn't Charles Rennie Mackintosh then disown her with my blessing.

Anything else, yabu.

QuickThinkOfAName · 16/07/2019 16:45

I work in a creative field. I have a fair amount of dealing with fonts and am slightly obsessive about kerning.

I can't work up the energy to get mildly bothered. Sorry.

It sounds like you don't want her to have your sign. Except it won't be your sign. It'll say something else 15 miles away.

Honestly. No one else gives a shit about fonts. Do it in a slightly similar one. She'll be happy. It won't be the same as yours. Hooray.

Baddabingbaddaboom · 16/07/2019 16:45

"When you lie on your deathbed will your final whisper be...

"She should have picked Helvetica""

😂

ReapersHowler · 16/07/2019 16:46

"If I got a message like that after the artist had agreed to take my commission then I'd tell the artist to get tae fuck if they thought their artistic sensibilities meant they knew my mind and taste better than I know it myself."

Also this ^ When someone commissions me as an artist, I do what they ask I don't tell them what they should have. The only limitations are legal ones.

BlueSkiesLies · 16/07/2019 16:46

“No Mr Moore we asked you to create a sculpture in your signature semi-abstract bronze style”
Henry Moore: “no, that’s only for my house, here’s some MDF”

BEST POST EVER