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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my baby in the car?

169 replies

SeeWhoRustsFirst · 16/07/2019 13:43

OK - I know your first thought - I am being U. Bear with me.

On the way back from playgroup today I stopped at a village shop to use the cashpoint. The parking spaces are directly along the outside wall, the cashpoint is about twelve paces away but just around the corner of the building. Owing to a) the fact that baby had just finally gone to sleep and b) the fact that the two cars either side were parked so badly I could barely get my doors open, I decided to leave baby in the car. I knew there was no queue for the machine, and I only wanted to get some cash. (ie. not top up my phone, or check my balance, or nip into the shop for anything.. etc). I was around the corner almost certainly less than a minute.

On my return, TWO people had a go at me. One just said 'it was dangerous' and one said 'someone could have snatched baby through the window'. (The front window was slightly less than half open, the back window next to the car seat was closed).

So go on Mumsnet - how was I unreasonable? Do normal people actually believe the world is filled with very speedy baby-stealing contortionists? I drove away feeling pretty confused, and quite upset really.

OP posts:

Dandelion1993 · 17/07/2019 00:10

I also only use pay at pump/ or pay at pump app.

The amount of people I've seen swing into out local petrol station with no care just fills me with dread. I just know the one time I do, a car will smash into mine.

pallisers · 17/07/2019 00:38

@SmartPlay and a child that died in a car that overheated when a parent was getting cash out of the machine when???

So when you pass by a child in a car unattended do you just presume the parent is getting cash out of an unseen machine or do you stick around to make sure someone comes back.

If you presume the parent is coming back, how would you feel if it was a genuine mistake by the parent. Child dies. Parent devastated. You could have intervened but you decided no, just a parent around the corner getting cash. How would you feel?

If you stick around - well why should a parent rely on other busy adults passing by to watch out for their child. Other adults will do it but seriously isn't it YOUR job to make sure your child is cared for rather than random people passing on the street?

(btw OP has acknowledged the worth of this argument loads of posts ago)

TappyTin · 17/07/2019 00:50

I would have done the same. I have a friend who leaves her baby sleeping while she nips across the road to go to the shop. Another wouldn't ever leave the room while her toddler napped because of sids. Plenty of times I have left DC in the car/house/buggy while I did something for a few minutes and I feel no guilt at all, it's just a risk you weigh up as a parent and it's different for everyone.

However this is MN so unless you have your child strapped to you in a carrier with a boob in the mouth until it's 4 YABU lighthearted btw - before any snowflake helicopters get their knickers in a twist

pallisers · 17/07/2019 01:21

However this is MN so unless you have your child strapped to you in a carrier with a boob in the mouth until it's 4 YABU grin lighthearted btw - before any snowflake helicopters get their knickers in a twistwink

I have a question. If you walked by a car with a baby strapped in and no adult in sight would you walk by because you aren't a snowflake helicopter who gets her knickers in a twist. Or would you stick around to make sure that baby was ok?

MummaD209 · 17/07/2019 01:27

I have used the cash point if the car is next to it. I wouldn't if I was out of sight but I also don't think you were wrong. Don't be bothered with what others think. If you are happy with your decision then that's what matters.

pallisers · 17/07/2019 01:28

If you are happy with your decision then that's what matters.

like seriously!

Aprillygirl · 17/07/2019 06:42

I would be panicking slightly if I had to go out of sight of my DC, but waking her up in those circumstances would be barmy, so yes I'd do it. Ywnbu.

Passthecake30 · 17/07/2019 06:52

I wouldn't have done it while mine were babies. I would've just gone out later, or got dp to get me some money. Even now, while they are progressing through the later primary years, I won't leave them in a car park unless I can see the car/hear the horn.

Vulpine · 17/07/2019 07:01

I would have no problem doing that. I'd think a drive down the motorway with your kids would be more dangerous than that scenario.

Rainbowsintherain · 17/07/2019 07:02

I did it all the time, and thought it was totally fine. But I do take pp point would you stop if you saw a baby asleep in a car alone?, yes I would, and I hang around til the mum came back, but I wouldn’t give her a hard time. I’ve had someone have a go at me for leaving the dog in the car while I went into the shop. Some people will always interfere. Leaving babies or small children in cars is a huge no no on MN though.

TwistyTop · 17/07/2019 07:02

I was on your side until you said the window was down. That's not good.

Toffeecakes · 17/07/2019 07:03

YANBU, I’ve done it - most people do. I don’t leave my DC now they are mobile though.

User8888888 · 17/07/2019 07:20

I think the issue is probably visibility. I do leave my baby to pay for petrol but I don’t like it really. I also bring her in to nursery drop-offs/pick-ups even though the car park is close and she’d probably be happier in the car. Everyone else does so I think it would be noticed if you didn’t.

SuzieQQQ · 17/07/2019 11:23

Yanbu! Anyone else who says you are is completely over the top!

SVRT19674 · 17/07/2019 11:26

I do it at the covered petrol station when I pay. But car is in my sight the whole time. I wouldn't be comfortable if I couldn't watch it all the time.

probstimeforanewname · 17/07/2019 11:37

driving is dangerous, more dangerous than leaving your child in the car but that doesn’t make it ok to leave your child alone in an out of view car

so it is ok to spend hours of your baby's life driving them around in a car, but not ok to leave them strapped in a stationary car for a few secodns while you get cash out?

Oh well.

To be fair I would not have done this because the car was out of sight. And I only left ds in the car to pay for petrol feeling very uncomfortable, when I could I used pay at pump or a small petrol station where the petrol was more expensive but I could leave the car directly outside the cashier's booth.

I think the passers-by were wrong to have a go at the OP. No problem showing concern (though if the OP was away from the car for a few seconds they barely had a chance to notice baby in the car before the OP was already back) but big problem saying she was at fault in some way.

I also agree it's a anti-mother thing. Fathers would not be criticised.

sar302 · 18/07/2019 09:02

A man is less likely to be challenged in the street by a women, because of the potentially higher personal risk to the female accuser. That doesn't mean that a father wouldn't be judged in the same way as a mother - just that the judgement is less likely to be verbalised.

(Excluding those idiots that would think it was "very sweet" that daddy didn't want to wake his child up because they're sleeping. Aw, isn't he a good dad. Etc)

ittakes2 · 18/07/2019 09:18

I find the responses interesting. Someone once posted is it ok to leave their sleeping baby in their locked house while they popped across the road to go to the corner shop - most people said no it was not ok. What if you get hit by a car, the baby starts to choke etc. But you leave your baby in a car with the window open so accessible to strangers who can unlock your car an take your baby and lots of people are telling you that’s ok and they would do the same.

Grandmi · 18/07/2019 11:12

TBH...please try not to worry!! When my first of three started primary school I heard a governor refer to the parents....mainly mothers, as the school gate mafia!!! The description could not have been more accurate!! I can guarantee that the less involved you get with the other mothers the happier you will be ...and you can stand back and watch them passively aggressively competing with each other ! It really is quite entertaining...trust me !!

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