To leave my baby in the car?

[SeeWhoRustsFirst]

OK - I know your first thought - I am being U. Bear with me.

On the way back from playgroup today I stopped at a village shop to use the cashpoint. The parking spaces are directly along the outside wall, the cashpoint is about twelve paces away but just around the corner of the building. Owing to a) the fact that baby had just finally gone to sleep and b) the fact that the two cars either side were parked so badly I could barely get my doors open, I decided to leave baby in the car. I knew there was no queue for the machine, and I only wanted to get some cash. (ie. not top up my phone, or check my balance, or nip into the shop for anything.. etc). I was around the corner almost certainly less than a minute.

On my return, TWO people had a go at me. One just said 'it was dangerous' and one said 'someone could have snatched baby through the window'. (The front window was slightly less than half open, the back window next to the car seat was closed).

So go on Mumsnet - how was I unreasonable? Do normal people actually believe the world is filled with very speedy baby-stealing contortionists? I drove away feeling pretty confused, and quite upset really.

YWNU. I leave my DD in the car when I drop off DS at childminder (if she's asleep as taking her out wakes her up, always take her if she's awake). The car is parked on a private driveway, but it's probably further to the house than the distance to the cash machine. I personally think any risk is tiny. Much riskier simply driving around in the car!

I wouldn't do it if it was hot, or if I was going to be a long way away from the car, or out of site of the car for any length of time...

I also leave her in car on the drive while I nip into the house with shopping/bags, before bringing her in. I don't think it's any different really!

Being awake/ asleep doesn’t change much does it.
I think the fundamental thing it changes is the likely hood that the baby will be distressed and cry - not sure why everyone is refusing to see the obvious. It;s like the fake threat of the car spontaneously bursting into flames is blinding people to the only real danger which is that a nosey parker might yell "oye! Who's baby is this!" or that the baby may wake up and god forbid cry for 15 seconds while OP waits for cash to come out of the machine.

just to clarify, my baby is definitely not able to get out of the car seat or cause any mischief whatsoever in the car. I think we're talking at crossed purposes a bit. I expected this to be a controversial topic so I'm interested by the answers. In conclusion, in my opinion, I think I was reasonable to subject my child to the level of risk that I did. But not reasonable to expect not to be called out on it. In essence, I concerned person A and B by my behaviour - I hadn't considered that. So thanks, all, and perhaps I will drive to the much further away cashpoint (and take baby out of car) if similar circumstances occur again!

12 paces away for one minute? Of course yanbu.

People who stopped wouldn't have known that and perhaps were concerned.

'Left 6 year old ?' 😡☹️

PopGoesTheWeaz It happened, it happens quite rarely but what I was saying is that people don’t often know the full risks they’re subjecting their child to.

I’m not saying I disagree because a multitude of things can happen such as kidnapping etc. I just don’t think it’s a responsible thing to do when it involves leaving your vehicle out of view.

Well my baby would be upset if I left her awake and alone in the car and I try to avoid upsetting her needlessly. So I can see the difference between leaving a sleeping baby and an awake baby.

But for all the other safety reasons mentioned here I wouldn't do it anyway. And if I saw a baby alone in a car I would wait until the parent came back. Especially if it was a hot day.

YANBU, I always leave the kids in the car whilst I go to the cash point, I don’t if there is a queue or the car will be out of my sight though. It’s fine! And I am a real worrier but even I do thiss

Op left her car out of sight banana.

I wouldn't do it, but I don't think it's unreasonable. I know that I am over cautious. I wouldn't think less of someone else for doing this, although I would prefer the baby to be within sight.

But it's the word chance I don't like.

I understand what you are saying, but I think we need to take a step back and think logically about the situation (and risk in general) otherwise it takes over our brains and we are no longer making rational decisions.

We accept risk all the time - putting the child in the car for a car ride for instance, is far more risky. "Figures published by the Department for Transport show that in 2011, 2,412 children under the age of 16 were killed or seriously injured on the roads." Wherea, in the US the stats around stranger kidapping show that the number is really quite small -- 115 a year our of ~75 million and of these most are teenagers or school aged children.

PopGoesTheWeaz It happened, it happens quite rarely but what I was saying is that people don’t often know the full risks they’re subjecting their child to.
No, for instance, do you realise that driving your DC in the car is far more dangerous than leaving them in it parked?

Of course it is, driving is dangerous. It doesn’t make it ok though.

The drama some people look for in life baffles me.

This. It's fine OP.

Sorry, it's not okay to drive your child around in a car?

Those who think it is fine and the other 2 were being dramatic, if you saw a baby unattended in a car with no adult in sight, what would you do? Would you walk on by saying to yourself "don't be looking for drama I'm sure she is fine" or would you wait by the car to see if an adult showed up?

driving is dangerous, more dangerous than leaving your child in the car but that doesn’t make it ok to leave your child alone in an out of view car:

I'm so glad this went well, as I read the title and gritted my teeth.

I'm glad most are going for the common sense approach, it is good in my eyes you have people in your area that will keep an eye out.

I totally get those who think 'What if?' I did that too at times with DC1, then with DC2 it was a lot different.

if you saw a baby unattended in a car with no adult in sight, what would you do?
As stated, I would look around for a likely carer, poke my head around the corner, or give a general "hello! Is this someone's baby. Just want to check someone is here." No biggie

You can't leave a bay in a car. The end.

doesn’t make it ok to leave your child alone in an out of view car:
only to people who don't know how to assess risk in a rational way

PriestessModwena I have 2 too, and realise it’s not as easy as you have to remove 2. I’m not necessarily against leaving a child in a car, if you’re paying for petrol or something because it’s safer to leave them than take them, but to leave the car out of view is not ok, imo.

I’ve had to risk assess as part of my job, I’m not hysterical about it.

I’m not saying if you leave your car alone her child is going to get kidnapped? I’m saying it’s not a good idea to leave a child in a car out of view and most people would agree.

I don't think most people would agree and I think you'd find it is generational and cultural (see scandie example below).

Here in the UK with current parents, I think people who do agree, agree and say "I know rationally nothing is going to happen but I don't want to take the risk".

In other words "I know there is no risk but I'm still going to inconvenience my life, or second guess my better judgement, because I don't actually trust myself to assess risk logically."

And I think we need to challenge this because it doesn't stop when they are no longer babies. It's detrimental to our own mental health and to health and mental health our our older children. (EG becasue they aren't allowed outside alone, the only way they can play is on a game console. And obesity rates continue to rise and kids are unhappy without any sense of resilience because they've never had to solve a problem on their own.)

Unfortunately people have a habit of catastrophising these days. It’s all about risk really, if your gone a few seconds you can see your car, your being perfectly reasonable and I’d do the same. I had a similar incident all be it with my dog, I had driven us home on a long road trip, needed to pop into work to grab something, we went in the office (car parked in full view of the window) I popped the dog back in the car (still very cool as air con had been on during 2 hour road trip) realised I’d left my phone on my desk, ran back in to get it and as I walked out a mans looking through the car window at my dog and started telling me he was about to smash my window as the dogs been locked in a hot car as he’s been watching etc. Clearly he hadn’t been watching or he’d have seen I been gone seconds! He was just one of these loons you get who want 5 minutes of fame on social media for saving a suffering animal, same as these “hero’s” who found your baby in the car.