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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my baby in the car?

169 replies

SeeWhoRustsFirst · 16/07/2019 13:43

OK - I know your first thought - I am being U. Bear with me.

On the way back from playgroup today I stopped at a village shop to use the cashpoint. The parking spaces are directly along the outside wall, the cashpoint is about twelve paces away but just around the corner of the building. Owing to a) the fact that baby had just finally gone to sleep and b) the fact that the two cars either side were parked so badly I could barely get my doors open, I decided to leave baby in the car. I knew there was no queue for the machine, and I only wanted to get some cash. (ie. not top up my phone, or check my balance, or nip into the shop for anything.. etc). I was around the corner almost certainly less than a minute.

On my return, TWO people had a go at me. One just said 'it was dangerous' and one said 'someone could have snatched baby through the window'. (The front window was slightly less than half open, the back window next to the car seat was closed).

So go on Mumsnet - how was I unreasonable? Do normal people actually believe the world is filled with very speedy baby-stealing contortionists? I drove away feeling pretty confused, and quite upset really.

OP posts:
HiJenny35 · 16/07/2019 16:09

Nope, if the cash machine was in sight then yes but not out of sight. But then I also wouldn't go into a petrol station I go to the pay at the pump one.

Jellybeansincognito · 16/07/2019 16:10

I disagree with you there too, scandis live differently, you can’t just take one thing that works and expect it to work here without changing the whole perspective.

It’s too complex.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 16/07/2019 16:11

I agree with the pp that it's similar to putting the bins out whilst child asleep which I do regularly,no harm done you were very quick

pallisers · 16/07/2019 16:13

As stated, I would look around for a likely carer, poke my head around the corner, or give a general "hello! Is this someone's baby. Just want to check someone is here." No biggie

maybe not a biggie to you. if you were rushing somewhere you might find it a bit of a pain but basically you wouldn't walk past. Would anyone on here just walk on past the car?

Skittlesandbeer · 16/07/2019 16:13

To give another Australian perspective- it’s not illegal in all states to leave a kid in a nearby car while you pay for petrol, and even where it is there are very few prosecutions or even reports.

Everyone I know does it. Everyone. Cars get locked, they’re out of the sun, and a maximum 3 mins.

Original poster
SeeWhoRustsFirst · 16/07/2019 16:16

I know what you mean about the dog heroes - I once left mine on the backseat (parked under a tree, on a cloudy day, in wintertime) for about 20-30 minutes while I ran a couple of errands. Windows all open a few inches. Came back to find a note on the car saying 'people like you don't deserve to be dog owners, **ing twats' yada yada. Dog was asleep when we returned to the car, and perfectly happy.. Car was, if anything, rather chilly. Jesus...

OP posts:
SmartPlay · 16/07/2019 16:18

@PopGoesTheWeaz
There is a big difference between leaving a child in a pram and leaving a child in a car ... during summer! Cars' insides heat up very quickly and children regularly die because they've been left in the car. This can happen very quickly, but still there are parents who think it's completely fine to leave a child in a car for 30 minutes or even more, while they are shopping. The two women were absolutely right to confront the OP - they have no way of knowing how long she'd actually been gone and even if she told them she was only gone for a minute, there are many of the above described parents who give nonchalant answers like that.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 16/07/2019 16:25

I guess the busybody ladies were U then as tehy were worried about kidnappers not sunstroke.

If the OP left the child alone in the car for 30 minutes with windows closed she would of course have been unreasonable. But she didn't so I'm not sure why that hypothetical is relevant to this thread? Confused

PopGoesTheWeaz · 16/07/2019 16:26

Really, the normal response for those ladies would have been "oh good, you're here. We were about look around to make sure the baby had a carer"

BillieEilish · 16/07/2019 16:28

Does nobody remember the thread about 4 weeks ago of a poor lady who was woken up (with bedroom window open) to diesel fumes and a car with engine on, idling with a baby and 3 year old in the car, on the street, the father inside doing something for 10/12 minutes?

She got up and complained. Everyone said she was a neighbour from hell and ridiculous.

The car was in the road, not driveway, the man inside, the engine was running, there were two children awake in the car.

It was a bonkers thread, OP you would definitely been told 100% that YWNBU. Even by me, who thought that the OP I am talking about was totally in the right. I felt so sorry for her.

It really depends on what time and day you post!

SmartPlay · 16/07/2019 16:29

The hypothetical is relevant because, as I've said, other people have no way of knowing how long the child already has been alone. So it's reasonable that they are upset. And it's GOOD that they are upset because, as stated earlier, many children die that way every year, because the parents forget about them or think "Oh, a few minutes will be fine", despite constant information about how quickly a car heats up.

Upset passerbys are the ones who keep the numbers of deaths lower than they would be otherwise.

forkfun · 16/07/2019 16:30

@PopGoesTheWeaz you are talking a lot of sense here. Shame many aren't listening.

OP, YANBU, but it was fine for the two people to talk to you. No need for them to admonish you though.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 16/07/2019 16:31

That's not what they were upset about though. they were upset that someone might have snatched the baby.

They also did not apply commons sense to look around 12 paces in any direction to see if there was a nearby carer and for this they were BU

SmartPlay · 16/07/2019 16:36

Accoding to the OP one of them said someone could snatch the child (which is true, since the window was open), the other said it was dangerous (which could mean kidnapping/carjacking as well as overheating).
And no, I don't think one has to walk around to look if there is a carer somewhere. She was around the corner, so out of sight of the car.

I'm surprised that so many people find it okay to leave a baby alone in a car, when you are not able to see a car, while at the same time most people wouldn't let a 6year old walk to school alone or play outside unsupervised. There is no logic behind that.

KindnessCrusader · 16/07/2019 16:45

Not a chance I'm getting 4 kids out to go and pay for petrol! Definitely more dangerous to get them all out, trail them all through a forecourt and back again than leaving them in the car.

Sashkin · 16/07/2019 16:46

some passing lady started shouting 'there is a baby here alone' at the top of her voice!!

Somebody did that to me when I was sitting in the front seat. I’d parked in Sainsbury’s, DS was asleep so I was having a nice rest with a coffee and the radio on. I guess she saw no adults loading or unloading the car so assumed I was inside the shop.

But then I’ve also had people berate me for parking in P&C spaces because they hadn’t noticed baby DS in plain sight, so maybe customers in my local Sainsbury’s are just unhinged.

Pinktinker · 16/07/2019 16:52

YANBU at all, I have done the same thing.

BillieEilish · 16/07/2019 17:00

I've been told off for sitting on a park bench, metres away from where DD (4/5?) was playing on a boingy animal thing while I watched her.

(Soft, special floor covering in Spanish park too, not concrete)

babasaclover · 16/07/2019 17:06

There was a case a few years back where the mother popped to the shop, insight of the car however she collapse had a fit and was rushed to hospital unconscious. Meanwhile no one knew the kids were in the car and They overheated and were dead by the time she was conscious and able to tell anyone.

mynameisigglepiggle · 16/07/2019 20:26

For those that say they wouldn't leave a child asleep in a car to go to the cashpoint where you can see your child - do you put them to sleep in a cot and go downstairs 🤷🏼‍♀️

SmartPlay · 16/07/2019 20:37

@mynameisigglepiggle
I have never heard of a child dying because the cot overheated.

mynameisigglepiggle · 16/07/2019 23:28

@SmartPlay and a child that died in a car that overheated when a parent was getting cash out of the machine when???

Itswinternow · 16/07/2019 23:43

Haven't rtft, but i wouldn't get my 2yo out of the car to get cash out of an outdoor cash machine.

NeedAGrip · 17/07/2019 00:01

I’ve left DC in the car before for things like paying for petrol where I’ve had a line of sight to the car.

I can see why you left the baby in the car in the circumstances you describe.

The bit that has me wondering whether YABU is the windows.
It’s been really really hot here today, and I don’t think one front window half open would be enough to stop a car overheating and keep a baby in the back cool. It doesn’t sound like enough windows open for a hot day (although of course it may have been cooler where you live).

I don’t think the passers by were unreasonable to wait for you either, they weren’t to know you were at the cash machine rather than inside the shop. If I saw a baby alone in a car I’d be hanging around to see if a parent appeared soon, especially in this current hot weather. Although I think the talk of kidnapping seems OTT.

Dandelion1993 · 17/07/2019 00:07

I just can't do it.

If anything happened my eldest could now get herself out but my baby couldn't and that's the point for me.

I think once they're both of an age to understand how to get out sefly (but quickly) and to call for help then fine, but while they rely on you no