Smoking (and commenting on strangers choices)?

[SwimmerGirl40]

I did a charity walk up Helvellyn at the weekend. I was standing with the group before we started and one of the group moved about 10 metres away and started smoking a cigarette. I don’t know him too well, he’s a friend of my friends husband, I know he plays rugby and is healthy looking. A woman walked past and shouted, in a very posh voice, “all this fresh air and you’re SMOKING?”. She almost spat the words out. I was quite taken aback, is it normal to walk past a complete stranger and try to publicly humiliate them for their lifestyle choices?

I’m not a smoker now, I quit about 15 years ago. I know attitudes to smoking have hardened in the last 15 years but I was still shocked that she felt that she could speak to him like that.

No, EVERYONE should mind their own sodding business in this scenario, woman or man.

Everyone here acting like OPs friends were so badly in the wrong... what is wrong with you? Why is it people can say what they want but if someone dares retaliate it's the worst thing to ever happen?

OPs friends wouldn't have said a thing about her if she hadn't opened her mouth. They probably wouldn't have even noticed her existence. She was rude for no reason. She wasn't provoked. It is perfectly legal to smoke outside. It was absolutely nothing to do with her.

OPs friends were clearly making light of the situation. I hardly doubt you would object if a woman came up to you in a beer garden outside a pub and said drinking was disgusting and your mate said 'I bet she doesn't get out, miserable old bat'. Would you have laughed along at your friend who was obviously trying to make you feel a little better about being 'told off' for no reason, or would you tell your friend off for daring to make a joke? Come on.

I also doubt any of you defending her would be defending a man if he'd made the same comments. Just because she's a woman doesn't make her immune to criticism.

She was rude and should have kept in her own lane. End off.

Firstly she didn’t insult him. Having said that it’s a free country (supposedly) so he can smoke wherever he likes, so long as it’s legal or permitted to do so. ‘Mind your own business’ wouldn’ve done just fine, rather than the juvenile sexist insults his mates threw at her. They sound like a thoroughly unpleasant bunch.

I vape, and I get dogs abuse, more than I ever did when I was smoking. One day I was vaping near the bus stop, trying to direct the vapour in the opposite direction to the people waiting a few yards away and a woman said, ‘pack that in or I’ll ram it down your fucking throat.’ This in front of her kids and mine. I told her it was none of her business so she then threatened to knock me out. I just laughed at her and carried on. Had I been smoking a fag I doubt she’d have batted an eyelid, yet vaping is less harmful and you can’t passive vape, especially outside.

What she said was rude but then the remarks made back were horrendous.

"No wonder she's on her own" is incredibly nasty. From a crowd of braying men to a lone woman, even worse. No one would say this to a man which makes it a horrible sexist thing to say. Why does a woman need to "have a man" or not be alone/ be in a crowd of friends to be seen as valid?

Sure. Hopefully lesson learned to just leave people alone then?

@Untamedtoad

I’m assuming you mean Disneyland France, not USA?

The smoking rates in France seem to be much higher than here, even I noticed it. The odd waft of smoke doesn’t bother me that much, although I wouldn’t go and sit in a smokers area.

There is an element of having to accept that you can not, and should not try to, control what other people do though. You clearly dislike smoking intensely. Other people have extreme allergies and whilst they can control their immediate environment (home) they can’t control what other people do outside of that home. How would you react if everyone with an allergy to dogs started lobbying for dogs to be banned in the uk? Would you side with them out of principle?

@blackteasplease

Braying men? Evidence please.

As others have said. She approached one of the group in a confrontational manner. If she had walked past without deliberately starting an argument then they wouldn’t have even noticed her, never mind said anything.

Maybe she wanted the attention?

Braying men? Evidence please.
Group of rugby men who start yelling personal comments at a lone women for a situation that hasn't anything to do with them.
This is a group of men you've suggested would also start shouting at other blokes as well in situations that don't concern them.

As others have said. She approached one of the group in a confrontational manner. If she had walked past without deliberately starting an argument then they wouldn’t have even noticed her, never mind said anything.
Because a woman making 1 comment to 1 person (who did not respond probably because the woman was rude and it's not worth it) totally justifies their mates developing a pack mentality.

Because of course, a pack of men shouting personal comments at a lone woman was a totally logical and natural response. She was, evidently so confrontational and aggressive with her words about smoking.

Maybe she wanted the attention?
How disgusting.
Woman passes opinion on smoking pack of men who aren't involved shout personal attacks at her about why she is alone and now you're claiming that not only was she super confrontational and aggressive she must have been seeking make attention.

Ffs. No wonder misogyny is alive and well when some women think like this.

Out of interest, given you claim that your rugby lads would do exactly the same thing to a lone man (doubt it), would you be starting a thread about how the man commenting on smoking was probably desperately seeking attention? Thought not.

If you direct snarky comments at strangers, you’re liable to get them back. It’s an object lesson in keeping your beak out of other people’s business.

^This. What on earth has it got to do with being a woman? The men were not aggressive towards her. She was the one sounding aggressive according to the OP. Their comments were more piss-taking. If she's worried by confrontations with men because of being a 'lone woman', then why on earth would she start a confrontation with this man?

@Deuxcaggages

Have you ever considered having some training on unconscious bias?

This. What on earth has it got to do with being a woman?
Because it would be entirely understandable if the man she made a rude comment to told her where to go, stop being so rude etc. That is what you get if you make stupid rude comments to someone. Few people would have an issue with that.

The woman issue is that his mates had nothing to do with it and their response to something which had nothing to do with them was to turn pack like and shout personal comments at her including the idea that she was walking alone with her dog because nobody would want her. Because a woman walking her dog alone must have something wrong with her in their eyes, they're so big and clever to insult her worth as a woman.
And I don't care what the OP says, the way men respond to and insult women is different to men. They wouldn't have told a lone man that walking his dog alone was a sign of being unwantable.

Now we are in a situation where the OP is suggesting the woman must have been seeking attention. It could have been that a woman had an opinion on smoking and voiced it in a rude way, no, she must have seen all the menz and been desperate for them to notice her.

@lazylinguist

Absolutely. She was aggressive and confrontational, she caused the situation.

1. If you walk up to a complete stranger and try to provoke an argument then you don’t know what reaction you are going to get. She chose to take that risk. He could have been a psycho and punched her or followed her home. She deliberately chose to put herself in a risky situation.

1. If it’s ok to behave aggressively towards smokers just because you don’t like the fact that they are legally allowed to smoke in places where you don’t want them to be smoking then where does it end? If a fat persons is sitting on a park bench eating a pie is it ok to go over and lecture them about the cost to the NHS of obesity related illness? Should pets be banned because they can cause asthma attacks in people who have extreme allergies to them? Is it ok to walk over to the homeless man drinking in the street in the morning and tell him off for drinking in the morning?

Swimmer. Have you perhaps considered this training for yourself. What the fuck has her speaking in a POSH VOICE got to do with anything, apart from you trying to build a your own prejudicial view of her.

@deuxcaggages
You are aware that sexism doesn’t just work one way? You (along with some other posters) are displaying levels of sexism that most, more balanced, people would be shocked at.

1st comment.
Woman WALKS PAST and shouts ‘all this fresh air and you’re SMOKING’

Which given her accent and is entirely subjective. (Unconscious bias? )

Lots of yabu, story changes to woman made detour to specifically shout in this helpless mans face.

Is the drip feed that she then rugby tackled him and wrestled cigarette out of his hand and the poor man now needs medical attention.

Yeah people should keep their observations to themselves, but equally your DH and his friends sound pretty unpleasant too.

Beyond that its a complete tedious non story.

Swimmer. Sexism?

@deuxcaggages

My DH and his friends seem unpleasant? I’m not married??? I have a DP but he and his friends weren’t there. On what grounds are you claiming my DH/DP and his friends are unpleasant?

Did she WALK PAST and make a comment or did she go out of her way to approach the man, 10 metres off the track just to be rude to him about something that was perfectly legal and more importantly, none of her business?

The precious little flower shouldn't have received any backlash for having a go at a big burly bad man and them big bad men's should have left the little lone lady alone because she can be a bitch but they can't. Right. Got it.

Nope. No sexism on this thread at all.

I think its already been covered why your friends DH and pals where unpleasant.
But you haven’t explained the relevance of her POSH voice to the incident, or why my post is sexist ?

@deuxcaggages

You said “but equally your DH and his friends sound pretty unpleasant too”

On what grounds are my (non-existent) DH and his friends (who weren’t even there) unpleasant?

Swimmer. That is quite obviously a typo and poor attempt on your part at deflection.
Back to my questions now then

You are aware that sexism doesn’t just work one way? You (along with some other posters) are displaying levels of sexism that most, more balanced, people would be shocked at.
Now people who disagree with the pack pile on and think personal comments on a woman's desirability from a group of men is wrong aren't balanced and are now sexist.

From the poster who has elevated the original claim as the thread progressed and claimed the woman probably only made the smoking comment in order to get attention? Right.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist
I think most people have said she was rude to pass comments. Quite a lot of us would understand if the guy she was rude to told her where to go. It would be a lesson in keeping her opinions to herself.

Our issue is why a bunch of men who had nothing to do with the situation needed to pile on and make comments about how she's alone with her dog because nobody would want her. There's no two ways about it, they wouldn't have behaved that way and made those sorts of comments to a bloke.

The woman was seriously out of order. He wasn't blowing smoke in anyone's face, it's up to him if he smokes.

Ha, 'obviously' indeed.... Rather it 'obviously' shows some very silly misreading and desparate attempts at over analysis...