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Original poster

Smoking (and commenting on strangers choices)?

236 replies

SwimmerGirl40 · 15/07/2019 14:46

I did a charity walk up Helvellyn at the weekend. I was standing with the group before we started and one of the group moved about 10 metres away and started smoking a cigarette. I don’t know him too well, he’s a friend of my friends husband, I know he plays rugby and is healthy looking. A woman walked past and shouted, in a very posh voice, “all this fresh air and you’re SMOKING?”. She almost spat the words out. I was quite taken aback, is it normal to walk past a complete stranger and try to publicly humiliate them for their lifestyle choices?

I’m not a smoker now, I quit about 15 years ago. I know attitudes to smoking have hardened in the last 15 years but I was still shocked that she felt that she could speak to him like that.

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 15/07/2019 16:40

I would be horrified if my dh joined in with a mob to harass a lone woman with personal insults regardless of what started it and I certainly would not stand by and let it continue.

You all lost the moral high ground from her initial comment with that behaviour.

MrsPear · 15/07/2019 16:42

This is why I hide to smoke
tbh the vast majority of people these days are fat but that’s fine and they can walk along stuffing their faces, telling children that it is great to be fat and sexy and spread there fat everywhere but smoking oh no that is so terrible. When in fact they are both lifestyle choices and both bad.

dottiedodah · 15/07/2019 16:43

I would never say anything about smoking to anyone but really hate the smell(Yes ex smoker here!).It just seems out of kilter to be smoking on a beautiful mountain range somehow.I think the woman was out of order TBH,but also the other people making rude comments doesnt seem very good either !

MajorMalfunction · 15/07/2019 16:48

Her comment was rude certainly, a oh ok bye now would have sufficed but to insult her, and by the sounds of it, it was a few insults not just one, makes you all look like a group of bullies
Sadly some women get a kick out of seeing men act that way towards another woman

redredrobins · 15/07/2019 16:51

Her comment to the smoker were also a form of bullying, she should just mind her own business, miserable cow.

TabbyMumz · 15/07/2019 16:52

@mrspear, walking along the street fat harms no one, however puffing smoke in people's faces does.

Original poster
SwimmerGirl40 · 15/07/2019 16:53

@AlexaAmbidextra

Your comment made me laugh. I don’t know if I’m more lenient towards smokers due to being an ex smoker. I think it’s their choice, it’s not as though they don’t know about the health impacts (as someone else said). I don’t like the smell these days though and do try to walk around the smoke if I see someone smoking, although I do it without it being obvious that I’m avoiding the smoker.

OP posts:
Original poster
SwimmerGirl40 · 15/07/2019 16:54

@MajorMalfunction
What are you implying?

OP posts:
Pinktinker · 15/07/2019 16:55

She was a twat but his friends were too. They did not need to launch a vicious attack against her, she was only speaking to him after all.

Smoking is grim and socially unacceptable in 2019 UK.

Original poster
SwimmerGirl40 · 15/07/2019 16:57

@MrsPear
I once saw an obese man walking past a group of smokers waving his hands, coughing loudly and glaring at them. Did make me chuckle to myself.

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 15/07/2019 16:59

Think it's pretty clear what is being implied.

You are constantly minimising and excusing multiple men harassing a lone woman. Why? Her remark was uncalled for, their behaviour was intimidating and more than a "bit nasty"

Sorryisntgoodenough · 15/07/2019 16:59

The friends sound very immature to be making nasty comments like that. Awful that it was done enmasse with the intention of publicly humiliating the woman.

Being in lovely countryside in the fresh air then suddenly getting the waft of stinking smoke is awful.

I wouldn’t have said anything personally but the friends were more rude than her and went out of their way to personally attack her because she was alone - such big men. He could have just commented that it was his choice, there was no need for the pack to start chucking insults about her being alone and needing a dog for company.

ScreamingValenta · 15/07/2019 17:01

The first comment ("it’s his choice to smoke, not yours and smoking outside is legal in this country”) was fair and reasonable. The descent into other insults was uncalled for, and makes the friends as bad if not worse than the woman. (I say this as a smoker).

Bookworm4 · 15/07/2019 17:03

She didn’t insult him, she made a comment about smoking, your friends and his cronies were the nasty bullies.

Original poster
SwimmerGirl40 · 15/07/2019 17:04

@BrokenWing
I’m confused. Can you tell me which of my comments demonstrates that I got a kick out of the incident?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 15/07/2019 17:07

I think the anti smoking campaign done really well, lots of people stopped including me years ago, I think it is becoming popular again with the new generation, smoking is very popular among Eastern Europeans, lots of young people are still taking it up.
From what I notice obesity is the new antisocial campaign, smoking and vaping are returning.

Original poster
SwimmerGirl40 · 15/07/2019 17:09

@Bookworm4

My friends are nasty bullies? Only one of my friends was there. This subgroup of the larger group I was with are friends of my friends husband. Have you actually read my post?

OP posts:
Cheeseandwin5 · 15/07/2019 17:10

Whilst I agree with most of the other posters that she was BU, I would say that there is something annoying when you have smoke wafting into you.
I was at a bus stop and some was smoking not far and the wind was blowing in towards me, Luckily the bus came , but I did feel like telling them to face a different direction

Bookworm4 · 15/07/2019 17:15

You know exactly what I mean, shall we say random acquaintances?
Pedantic much?

Original poster
SwimmerGirl40 · 15/07/2019 17:17

@bookworm4

Not pedantic, just confused as to why you would accuse my friends of being nasty bullies, when you have no evidence of that. You were twisting my words to suit your own agenda.

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 15/07/2019 17:20

How nasty were the men! No, her comment wasn’t nice or necessary, but it wasn’t a personal insult, more a passive aggressive opinion on smoking she expressed.

The men’s comments were disgusting and unprovoked, and you keep justifying them! 😱

Bookworm4 · 15/07/2019 17:20

Do you think a group of men making personal insults to a lone woman is ok? How would you feel if it was you?

Original poster
SwimmerGirl40 · 15/07/2019 17:23

@Bookworm4
I didn’t say it was ok. Read my comments.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 15/07/2019 17:24

I agree that what his friends said wasn't nice but it wasn't uncalled for - she provoked them. It's a risk you take if you walk up to a complete stranger and insult them
Of course it was uncalled for.
She made a comment to man A and she was rude.
Man A leaves it's and carries on with his life.
Bunch of pathetic little men (who have NOTHING to do with the interaction) feel the need to pile in on her as a group and be utterly unpleasant to the point of making comments about why she might be alone.

I'm afraid that's just misogyny. The sorts of men that behave like that wouldn't have dared do anything if it was a bloke.

Bookworm4 · 15/07/2019 17:26

OP
You have justified the men’s behaviour, saying she provoked them, at no point have you said it was wrong. Yet another woman standing by whilst men belittle a woman,then say she deserved it.