Smoking (and commenting on strangers choices)?

[SwimmerGirl40]

I did a charity walk up Helvellyn at the weekend. I was standing with the group before we started and one of the group moved about 10 metres away and started smoking a cigarette. I don’t know him too well, he’s a friend of my friends husband, I know he plays rugby and is healthy looking. A woman walked past and shouted, in a very posh voice, “all this fresh air and you’re SMOKING?”. She almost spat the words out. I was quite taken aback, is it normal to walk past a complete stranger and try to publicly humiliate them for their lifestyle choices?

I’m not a smoker now, I quit about 15 years ago. I know attitudes to smoking have hardened in the last 15 years but I was still shocked that she felt that she could speak to him like that.

I replied to you before seeing the second page.
They're your mates. That makes sense as to why the woman expressing an opinion that has nothing to do with them must have been provoking them.

Ok in which case the next argument will be they couldn't possibly have targeted a lone woman because they're misogynist who feel entitled to behave in a pack towards a woman because you're a woman and they're mates with you.

Whilst I don't like the fact that she was harassed by the friends, she did have big enough pants on to insult a complete stranger for no good reason and it wasn't her business so... meh. Maybe she'll think twice about being an arsehole next time after getting shit back this time.

Yes you do seem to be justifying the behaviour of that group of men OP.

It’s scary what groups do when they feel it’s justifed.

@Bookworm4
I've said it was a bit nasty, made me feel uncomfortable and wasn't nice. Ok, so in the world of bookworm4, that's justifying the behaviour.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist
Getting an equally rude comment back from the person she made the comment about smoking to would be reasonable.

I'm not sure how I feel about what would be essentially 'lone women don't say any negative opinion in public because a group of pathetic losers who aren't involved might decide its a great opportunity to remind you of your place, turn on you pack style, get personal and then their 'right-on' girl mate will say you deserved it for speaking'.

The first comment ("it’s his choice to smoke, not yours and smoking outside is legal in this country”) was fair and reasonable. The descent into other insults was uncalled for, and makes the friends as bad if not worse than the woman

Another ex smoker here - and I totally agree with this ^^

That said, maybe the woman will learn to keep her thoughts to herself in future (which would have avoided the whole thing in the first place)

@LolaSmiles
Another one who seems to have difficulty reading. They are not my mates, I've met them a couple of times before Saturday.

I'm no longer a smoker but do vape. I only do so outside and use one that's not strongly scented (it's mint rather than some of the more sickly caramel type smelling ones that others use). There's a shop round the corner that I buy my eliquid/juice from. It is also a phone repair shop. I popped in one day to get some liquid and was subject to a passive aggressive berating from a woman getting her phone repaired - "How can people put this stuff in their body? It's SO disgusting! I could never do such damage to myself. Isn't it terrible?!?" The owner of the shop just looked at her like she was a moron (it's his business after all) and I had to bite my tongue from retorting that she clearly wasn't living such a "clean" life given the size of her gut. Some people are just twats.

@LolaSmiles
A group of rugby lads wouldn't have dared to answer back if a lone man had made the comment? Do you seriously consider that to be a logical argument?

personally I don’t think what she said qualified as insulting the smoker. You could argue it’s bone of her business (although presumably she was having to her age it in) or you could argue that she was being a bit patronising but i don’t really see how that was an insult. Maybe if she’d added “...you revolting animal” at the end of it, that would have been different.

bone of her business = none of her business, obvs 😂

her age = breathe...need to type slower, sorry!!

personally I don’t think what she said qualified as insulting the smoker.

Based on the OP's description, it was the way she said it that was demeaning, rather than the words she used - i.e. 'she almost spat the words out'.

A group of rugby lads wouldn't have dared to answer back if a lone man had made the comment? Do you seriously consider that to be a logical argument?

For a situation that has nothing to do with them? Probably not. Most normal guys don't get involved in nasty pack mentality. Most normal guys don't hurl personal insults at someone who hasn't spoken to them.

But then I'm not sure what being 'rugby guys' has to do with it either. Then again the rugby guys I know aren't mindless thugs who would start shouting at single people in the street.

Even saying that it was totally normal and acceptable for a bunch of guys to pack attack someone for making a rude comment to someone else (and it isn't), do you seriously expect us to believe those men would be making personal comments about why a man would be out alone, that a man walking his dog must be doing it because nobody wants him?

Of course they wouldn't.

@ScreamingValenta
She said it really aggressively. I think that was part of the reason his friends went over. He was standing about 10 metres of the path, so that he wasn't blowing smoke on anyone, she was walking past but stopped and walked off the path, towards him, to say it. She was being deliberately confrontational.

So now a woman who (we can guess) is probably significantly smaller than a bunch of rugby guys is being presented as so aggressive and confrontational that a bunch of mates just had to get involved to protect him.
The guy on the receiving end of the comment did nothing and was fine, yet his mates just had to get involved and shout personal attacks at her. I mean she was so so so aggressive that the situation required a mass pile on.

Most people have said she was rude and yet you are so intent on acting like she deserved this pile on.

Has anyone considered that she may have a mental illness or disability of some sort?

MN Bingo!

@NanooCov
The first part of your post reads as though you feel like you have to defend yourself for vaping. It’s your choice to do it and it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. If I see a cloud of vape then I’ll try to avoid it, like I do with cigarette smoke, but I would try and do it so it wasn’t obvious and definitely wouldn’t comment. Capers and smokers have the same right as I do to be out in public places.

Vapers not capers!

I've been a smoker for 45 years, enjoy smoking & haven't any intension of stopping. If anyone had the temerity to comment negatively if I'm smoking outside my stock response is that they should get out less.
Smoking outside is perfectly legal. Responding to nasty comments from others is a valid defence of a civil right, just as similar replies to someone who goes out of their way to tell an overweight/obese person sitting down to have something to eat that they're offensive to them would be. It's absolutely no-one else's business & pandering to these people with an inflated sense of entitlement to control others isn't in anyone's interest.

The smoking would affect others. Smoke blows more than a few feet.its revolting and sets a bad example to any young people around.
I’m also curious as to what he did with the cigarette end? Odd to carry an end up a mountain and back. I suspect dropped it this littering our national park and creating a potential fire risk.

I think she was well within her rights to object.

TabbyMumz Mon 15-Jul-19 16:16:38

Has anyone considered that she may have a mental illness or disability of some sort? She was wrong to say it, but what they did was worse.

I hate when people use this as an excuse for arseholery.

If you direct snarky comments at strangers, you’re liable to get them back. It’s an object lesson in keeping your beak out of other people’s business.

Odd to carry an end up a mountain and back

Personally I use a portable ashtray when out and about - it's a little foil-lined pouch that fits easily into a pocket and it stores about 10 ends which is more than enough to tide you over until you can empty it into a bin (unless you're an incredibly heavy smoker).

@CherryPavlova

Your assumptions are incorrect. He put his cigarette butts in a what he called a “butt box” a plastic tub with a lid on. He emptied it in to a bin at the end of the walk. He was actually commenting on the litter we saw on the walk, saying that it was disgusting and there was no need for it. So, no, he didn’t litter or cause a fire risk in your (also his) national park. He goes hiking a lot and was quite passionate about protecting the outdoors.