Aibu to give my dc two MH days a year

[Codywolf]

Hi
I was talking to my friend about how I give my secondary aged children two mental health days to use when they need a break
and she looked horrified

My dc cannot take the day off if there is a test or activity but otherwise can use them when they need to

So Aibu to allow them these days

Obviously if they are ill with mental health problems or extremely tired for some reason then they might need time off but planning two days each year seems weird and unnecessary. DD was telling me the other day that sometimes her friends have "duvet days" as they feel that they occasionally need a day off even though not ill. DD thinks that is really off as do I. They already have weekends and plenty of school holidays.

Our staff have duvet days/mental health days.

Everywhere else that is called annual leave.

Me too @Dungeondragon15

I think the problem is that you call them mental health days and have decided on the very random number of days.

What happens if your child could do with a duvet day but have used their 2 days? What if they want to take a duvet day but their sibling also wants that day and having their sibling at home won't maximize duvet day enjoyment? Can they wake up and announce they are having a duvet day or do you need notice? How did you come up with 2?

I've had days where I've not sent in my healthy kids. For example the night before the last day of the school year (2018) we were up most of the night because there was a powercut and police activity which meant little sleep. There was no point sending in my secondary kids as it was a half day consisting of an assembly and chilled lessons where the teachers showed movies.

What if one of your DC was severely depressed or experiencing psychosis? I'm afraid mental illness doesn't neatly box itself into two days a year, conveniently avoiding any days with exams. It can't be solved by one day off and a soak in the bath.

You're giving them 'duvet days' or '1-2-1 days'. I don't see anything particularly wrong with that, although I've never done it for my DC. Don't try to pretend they are 'mental health days' though.

That’s weird. They have at least a week off every six weeks. As an adult they will never again have down time as generous as this. Workplace annual leave is going to come as a shock if they need an extra two days in addition to all of their school holidays!

Yes yabu.

If they are too unwell to go into school (physical or mental) then absolutely keep them home sick.

It seems strange to arbitrarily advocate a set number of days. Encouraging them to takes days off to spend lounging about, when they aren't genuinely sick, is also not helpful for when they go into the adult world of work.

Totally agree, I know some boarding schools allow this. if things get too much you can go to medical for a destress, it can't be very often though and some kids never use it, but great it's there for those that need it.

This sounds a bit too ‘right on’ to me. MH and physical health should both be taken seriously and if you’re experiencing serious enough difficulties with either, you should be able to take the required number of days off to recover without judgement.

Assigning a number in advance of an issue makes it sound as though you don’t really understand or take MH issues properly. It’s not a day where you feel a bit nervous because of an exam which your parent doesn’t really believe in like SATs so you want to stay at home and play Xbox.

You’re not teaching your children to be resilient. At work what you’re advocating would be called pulling a ‘sickie’ and could land you in hot water.

I think it’s a great idea. I don’t buy into this ‘kids need to be there at all times’. I know of a school that gives its teachers a half day for Christmas shopping and a day of their choosing for ‘mental health’. If teachers can miss time then so can the kids. It’s hardly like every lesson is critical when you’ve got a class of 30- you’d be lucky to get 30 seconds of the teachers time.

Surely this is called Sunday?

They are not MH days they are doss days. I think what you are teaching them is to be flaky tbh. To opt out when things are a bit difficult

If a child genuinely needs time off for their mental health then off course they should take time off. But if a child is really genuinely too overwhelmed and tired to go into school I really don't see how just one day off is going to solve this. After all they get 2 days off a week and still feel like it, it will just be the same when they go back on Thursday because you haven't taught them how to manage it, and nothing has really changed.

It's a bit like with physical health if a child has got d&v they are too ill to go in so need time off till they are better, this is like giving them a day off because their toe hurt or something.

What you need to teach your dc is not to opt out when life gets a bit stressful but how to manage when it does. How to go to school and take care of their mental wellbeing at the same time. You need to teach them to cope with stress when it comes and ways to prevent it as well. None of which is a day off.

I teach in Australia, where staff have 5 non-certificated days sick each year. They may be ill, they may not. Who knows?

How is this different from the OP's desire for their children to have a duvet/self-care/MH days? Go for it, OP.

Just don't ask the teachers for catch-up work.

You have basically just allowed your children an extra two days of holiday per annum but given them a fancy name. These are days when their teachers will be obliged to help them ‘catch up’.

Unless of course the teacher was taking a ‘MH day’ on those pre exam revision sessions..

Of course any child or adult not coping should look after themselves. However resilience (genuine resilience, not the faux resilience schools talk about the whole time) is hard won. It is by making oneself go in when one does not really feel up to it that teaches you that you are far tougher than you think you are.

Mental health is much spoken about these days. It seems to be as nebulous as ‘wellness’ or ‘detoxing’. If you have a real mental illness, you seek treatment and take time off. If you are tired or a bit mis, you suck it up.

I know the above is an unpopular take these days BUT the reality is colleagues like the person who is always there, trying their hardest and school kids also look up to the friend who is always there and always trying to be positive.

Sherry19

My issue with the original OP is not that the kids need a couple of days off because they are stressed. BTDT and I've called work saying I didn't feel well or was tired. We all do that, kids or adults. My real issue is with the term mental health. It's being used so arbitrarily on this thread that I doubt people understand what it means. I could bet anything that if you ask the OP if her children are mentally ill she will go to extreme lengths to assure you how bright they are. Which is the problem.

Being mentally ill is serious. You can't program days off when the kids need a break. If they are ill, they are in treatment and with a close network to support preventing them from taking their life or hurting someone else.

Give or take, kids are in school 190 days a year which means they are off 175 days a year. I think that’s plenty

Well this all gives me great hope for DDs job prospects. She goes to things whether she wants to or not and is highly resilient and diligent. I reckon in 15 years time she’ll be a very desirable employee simply because she will know that she is expected to turn up, work hard, look smart and be polite. It appears that lots of parents aren’t equipping their DC with these basic skills.

YABU imho op.

It’s hardly like every lesson is critical when you’ve got a class of 30- you’d be lucky to get 30 seconds of the teachers time.

You know this isn’t how teaching works, right? Teachers don’t walk round the room explaining each concept thirty separate times.

Never heard of such a thing, it seems bizarre.
However I wish there had been 'mental health days' when I was at school, I would certainly have used them and wanted more than two!

Er....do you want or need mental health days?

Wish more people were in touch with their kids’ mental health.

The OP is not in touch with her children's mental health at all. Saying they can take two days off whenever they want is not being in touch with their mental health. Seeing they are struggling and letting them have the time/help they need is "being in touch" with their mental health.

As another poster out it, it's just bunking off with a fancy name.

What a weird thing to do! All it means is that they have to play catch up for the day they missed which is hardly conducive to the whole mental health day plan is it.

I can see the point if your kid gets fatigued or has been run down due to ailments etc and needs a rest day to recuperate but a pick your own mental health day is just bizarre

I guess it depends on what you're doing on those MH days? From what I've seen (and DH has MH issues) most of them largely stem from not being taught adequate coping mechanisms for dealing with real life - if you're not teaching your kids to deal with disappointment, criticism, hard work etc then no point in taking MH days. Your just setting them up for an even harder adulthood if they think taking a couple of days off can solve the problem?

Have to agree with some of the others, they already have the weekends, half terms and the longer holiday breaks. If you add an additional class, not only may they fall behind on classes- they may also slow the class down as a whole.
If they are becoming over whelmed, that maybe the time to review some time off but not to plan to take days off now. Spend the time you have now to do that.

Looking after your mental health is not doing a disservice to people who have mental health problems. When things start to get on top of children, a “mental health day” is exactly that.

But it won't remedy whatever was getting on top of them. If they're overwhelmed with schoolwork, the schoolwork will still be there when they go in the next day plus they'll have to make up for what they missed . If they're struggling with relationships in school, taking a day off will do nothing to remedy whatever is creating that problem.

If these things really are causing mental health concerns, surely it is much, much more important to get to the root cause rather than just to take a day out and return to the same problems.

if/when my children have mental health problems, I am there for them.

but this "Mental health day" thing sounds just like "pulling a sickie" or a "duvet day".... both teach poor work ethic IMO.

If a child or adult is unwell, mentally or physically, of course they should stay at home. 2 days may not be enough.

Serious mental health issues are not fixed by staying in the bath for a day, if only!

to me, it's a ridiculous concept that trivialises mental health issues.

I wouldn't do MH days and specify that, might be setting them up to think that's a 'can't be arsed' day (pretty much every day for some employees) when you have to just get on.

But certainly if they're anxious and its affecting them then that's a reason for a day's absence. But don't call it anything other than a sick-day. People are trying to get MH accepted as an illness same as every other, so you should name it the same as any other. And same as any other illness if it's a problem go seek medical help.