Aibu to give my dc two MH days a year

[Codywolf]

Hi
I was talking to my friend about how I give my secondary aged children two mental health days to use when they need a break
and she looked horrified

My dc cannot take the day off if there is a test or activity but otherwise can use them when they need to

So Aibu to allow them these days

Strange

We used to do this when I was a kid - my mom gave us one MH day per semester (we didn't always use them, but up to that much). We made it a special day - stayed up late the night before watching movies, went to lunch/shopping/other outing together during the day. It was great, and really helped to "recharge", especially when I was in less ideal school situations. YANBU, at least in my eyes :-)

I think the principle of looking after your mental health but surely it's better to promote good mental health more regularly than focussing on two days a year.

Also, you need to be careful that you aren't normalising sickness absence for future commitments like jobs.

You're being unreasonable to have a set amount. You're wholly reasonable to allow them to have time off if they're suffering with their mental health but they should take as much time as they need. Need not want - and get them checked by a doctor to see if they need a bit more than a day off school!

Yabu in the way you are ‘scheduling’ two days but illness is illness, be it mental or physical and it should be treated the same in terms of taking time off school.

I refer to them as well being days and support the idea. Yanbu in my opinion. Don't care that children get plenty of holidays as stated elsewhere in this thread. Children are just that. Children. Vulnerable. Fragile. Some need a day off to reset, some dont

My mum allowed me one a term and they helped me no end, especially around exam times. She was a teacher for 40 years, so she knew how important it was to take time out before 'overload'.

I don't have a set number of days but my child knows that if he needs a break and we discuss it then I will be supportive. It's important to listen. I have previously let his school know that I have him a day for his well-being and they are also supportive. I'd say he's had four in three years and he's had a lot of shit to deal with

*gave

I'm afraid I haven't read the full thread but I am a teacher in secondary and in full support of that! Our mental health is as important as our physical health. Good for you, not sure why people are nit picking about the amount of days. I'm sure if you feel they need more or less that's a possibility too!

How odd, they'll think that real life ie the workplace works like that! How about you look after their mental health all the time, like we all should?

When my DS was in Year 7 he did have 2 odd days off because he was simply worn out! I let him go back to bed and on both occasions he slept almost the whole time until the next morning. I sent him back with a note saying he'd had migraine.
He loved his school, so I knew he was telling the truth, not just fancying a skive.

I had a feeling this would be one of those threads where the OP barely makes an appearance.

Isn’t this why people call this generation the snowflake generation?

This is a case of terminological imprecision. 'MH' is being used here as (inaccurate) shorthand for 'pamper'/'break'/'being a bit self-indulgent for a day'. None of those things are wrong in themselves, but referring to it as 'MH' is inaccurate - it's self-care at a stretch.

Similarly, the use of 'resilience' in many of these posts to mean 'pulling yourself together and getting on with it'/'toughing it out' is beginning to get on my nerves slightly too. Resilience is about coming through difficulties with key MH parameters intact. I'm not a fan of duvet days, but taking them is not necessarily a sign of lacking resilience.

Never heard anything like it! My daughter has had 2 days off school since she started 9 years ago, my sins never had a day off school since he started 8 years ago. If they were I’ll or very stressed I’d let them stay off but I dint think you can plan these things!

I would be worried about it setting a precedent, forming a habit.
What happens if they’re really stressed or anxious or down and they’ve already had their 2 days? Couldn’t it easily become 3, 4, 5?
Do you take mental health days from work?

I have a DD in Year 9 and a DS in Year 7 and both have friends who want to end their own lives

And the notion that two duvet days a year would have solved such complex issues is ridiculous and frankly minimising the seriousness of suicidal thoughts in teens.

CatteStreet
But part of resilience is toughing it up a bit.

We get some students in secondary school who self refer to the support base for random lessons because they 'can't do' a subject for whatever reason. There's a noticeable increase in teens lacking resilience and strategies for natural bumps in life (probably in part by parents promoting the belief that everyone is happy all the time, any negative emotion needs to be treated with therapy language, if you're having a difficult situation then just opt out, take a day off if you don't feel like going in).

As PP have said promoting mental health and wellbeing is an ongoing focus, not something to be cracked out when it suits.

@MinisterforCheekyFuckery

Yes you can, there is no law preventing someone taking a day off to recover. The fact that people can't judge their own mental health is why people end up with mental health issues and physical exhaustion.

I love the idea of taking 2 MH days a year from work. I reckon all my colleagues would be delighted to have the option as well.

Except then the parents of the hundreds of children who have turned up to school might be slightly annoyed when Miss or Sir aren't here to make up the supervision ratio for the school trip because they wanted to spend the day reading in the bath instead.

What are the world come to, totally dispairing. This is how mental health is belittled being considered as an opportunity for a treat.

If you want to spoil your kids and teach them they can bunk off school for no proper reason, your choice, but call it 'bunking off school day to be lazy', not Mental Health days.

'But part of resilience is toughing it up a bit.'

Not really. That's an effect of resilience (if by 'toughing it up' you mean not visibly going to pieces over small stuff).

Fowles I didn't say there was a "law against" random, unplanned duvet days, just that you aren't automatically "entitled" to them as you claim. The reality is that if I phoned up my Boss tomorrow morning and said "I'm not ill but I'm not coming in today because I can't be bothered" that would be a disciplinary matter.

Aren't many posters conflating mental illness and mental health here?

We all have mental health, so how is it offensive to call it a mental health day?

To help me maintain better mental health I schedule in a few days off work a year where I dedicate my time to my well-being. So I can see how the op might think that could help her children too.

With more than one child it can be tough to get that time for one on one connection with a parent which is essential to a child's wellbeing, so all the better if they are using those days for that.