Aibu to give my dc two MH days a year

[Codywolf]

Hi
I was talking to my friend about how I give my secondary aged children two mental health days to use when they need a break
and she looked horrified

My dc cannot take the day off if there is a test or activity but otherwise can use them when they need to

So Aibu to allow them these days

Extra sessions before and after school, at weekends and in school holidays would be extreme interventions for struggling students, surely?
It certainly isn’t the norm
In some schools it is. I didn't apply for a leadership post in one school because they expected staff to give up Saturday mornings unpaid to do whole cohort revision and intervention.

I think the whole mental health comes down to promoting a reasonable balance overall for teens and also instilling some resilience.

We have some students who are off for every cold or down in the support base because they need some space (conveniently certain lessons). There's no mental health issues. They have just learned that if you don't feel like something you don't have to.
Meanwhile, there are other children who seriously need the support and specialist input with parents who are supportive and trying to help their child in the long run who struggle to access services they need (e.g. a child in need waiting for CAMHS can't have a mentor in school because the mentor lists are 50% full of teenagers just experiencing the normal teen things and haven't been told that life isn't always going to be fun and happy and sometimes you will feel a bit under the weather but that's normal) and we need to wait for them to finish their half term missing lessons they don't like.

The issue with what the OP is suggesting is that it takes the view that a couple of duvet days solves mental health issue and that it's totally normal and desirable to decide 'I don't feel like work/school today so I won't go in'.

I'm pleased you still have time for mumsnet in between managing international relations and working in war zones smile
Snork

@sergeilavrov yes I think the op's approach to an expectation of up to 2 MH days is over indulgent and not a realistic expectation to raise children with, I stand by that, it does not mean I do not respect the need for good mental health, I just don't think this is the way to go about it. And yes I sarcastically mentioned your mumsnet use when you unsuccessfully tried to belittle my celebrity blog reference with your unnecessary reference to your job. It backfired for you 🤷‍♀️

I think it's a brill idea and I would do the same.

I suffer with mental health issues and if I get too stressed or worn out from work it can be a downward spiral if I don't look after myself.

I think these days kids have too much pressure put on them from school, social media ect. I would not begrudge a day off for my DD if she felt anxious or exhausted and stressed.

Schrodinger can all your pesky Yr 10s take their MH days on the same day you do?

Better make sure they don’t go to the same woods though.
And especially the same bath!

I think you’re being unreasonable when they already have 13/14 weeks a year off.

I see where you are coming from, but no. The things you should very rightly take time off for, because they impact severely enough on your mental health to warrant this, don't come round twice a year for a day each. For most other things, a more gritty attitude builds resilience I think. Sometimes a day off leads to wallowing and I don't want to encourage that.

Lovely idea in principle, but personally I feel like this approach may not set them up particularly well for their working life, as in that sense, it would either be take the day off as holiday or would be a sick day (if there were genuine mental health needs etc.)... might it be better to support them to manage their school/work life balance so that they don't get to the point of needing to ask to use their days? As someone in a really stressful job and seeming incapable of switching off/getting a good work life balance, I'd have loved this to have been taught to me somehow when I was school age! (Still searching for that balance!)

@C305 most people outside mumsnet pull occasional sickies Because they really don't matter in the bigger picture and sometimes as adults we have days where we 'just cant'.

I think it's great op, recognising you are overwhelmed and how to do something about it very important.

most people outside mumsnet pull occasional sickies

While encouraging posters to risk a disciplinary and their livelihood, do you have statistics to back most up? Most of the 100's of people I know personally or have known in my 30+ years of working don't, most go years between genuine sick days. I can only think of 1 or 2 who pulled sickies and they had obvious bigger ishoos with work ethics and entitlement in and out of work.

I have friends who have had time off with stress, but that is very different from pulling a sickie. The impact of pulling sickies on businesses, especially small businesses can be significant, that is why if caught it is gross misconduct.

most people outside mumsnet pull occasional sickies

Not in my experience. Perhaps it depends on the type of job you do/person you are?

It would be very much dependent on the job you do, I’d imagine. I won’t suggest which type or I’ll be accused of being elitist. To suggest it’s universal is really ridiculous.

YANBU, two days limits it and reduces it being an avoidance of pe/maths/peers, while still being 'on their side'. Plus they have to develop resilience and try to 'save' them for when they need them. Gives them a sense of control, but in proportion.

I think it's great that you are looking after their mental health. As you said, they don't have to take them but they are there if they need them. I have a DD in Year 9 and a DS in Year 7 and both have friends who want to end their own lives. It's unbelievably sad. Mental health for me comes above anything so I think you are to be applauded.

I think it’s a great idea and I think workplaces would have a lot less absences if they had the same idea (even though we also get days off in the week)! It’s important to let your children know their emotional well-being is as important as their physical health xx

Not unreasonable but I probably wouldn’t label or number it. We talk about mental health a lot in our family because my MIL, BIL and DS are all biopolar. If my son absolutely needs a mental health day then as his parent I would have no problem telling their school that but I don’t have a set number of them or anything per year.

Mental health for me comes above anything so I think you are to be applauded

But OP's "arrangement" is absolutely nothing to do with Mental Health! Her DC are not going to experience a deterioration in their Mental Health from going to school when they don't feel like it or are a bit tired, unless they already have significant Mental Health issues. By the same token, two days a year walking in the woods or reading in the bath instead of going to school does not minimise the risk of Mental Health problems, although I'm sure it's very nice. It betrays a complete lack of understanding about Mental Health altogether.

I think its a great idea and it's something you are entitled to as an adult in a workplace so there must be something behind it.

You don't mean SCHOOL days, do you? They aren't yours to give away.

I don’t think you should give them 2 days a year . I don’t disagree with the idea and in fact have been known to allow mine to have them but as and when they need them .

it's something you are entitled to as an adult in a workplace so there must be something behind it

Is it?? As an adult you're entitled to time off sick, whether it's for physical or mental illness- these DC aren't actually sick. You're also entitled to annual leave but this is usually planned, booked in advance not decided on the spur of the moment- a bit like the 13 weeks off a year school holidays the DC get already. I've certainly never worked anywhere where you're "entitled" to two days a year where you ring up in the morning and say "I'm not ill or anything but I feel a bit tired and fed up so I'm not going to bother coming in today, I'm going to spend the day walking in the woods or reading in the bath"

I find that odd. It would also seem suggest that you can deal with pressure by hiding from it instead of looking for a solution. So I'm not sure it is healthy. .. each to their own.

Brilliant idea! Teaching them to look after their mental health is so important.

I encourage my children to do 10 min mindfulness most/not every day to check in with mental health. It’s an ongoing thing, lifestyle and all that.

2 days a year for MH....That’s like dieting for 2 days a year....!