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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think something must have happened

185 replies

MrsDragonLady · 14/07/2019 20:59

Early last year, DH gave up his job to be a stay at home dad, so that I could change my career. The job I had taken was crap hours and pay, but it was entry into a field that didn’t come up very often.

Now, 18 months on, I’ve secured a better job and the hours mean he will be able to go back to work too, something which he had always planned on doing.

He applied back to the company he had left, but on a different department. He got rejected before interview. So he applied again back onto the department he had left. He had 9 years experience and had been put forward by a former colleague that was still in the department. The manager wasnt the same one as when he left. He was basically offered the job at interview, but got told he would have to wait for the official email from head office to confirm. A week later he got a “after much deliberation, we have decided not to offer you the job” email! He contacted for feedback and got told he wasn’t the right fit for the position, but they would consider him for future roles.

Fast forward two months, he’s applied for 8 more jobs at that company and been rejected for them all.

He’s now moved onto applying at different companies and having the same issue with every single one. He’s getting an interview, being provisionally offered the job, then after being passed on to head office he gets a rejection email around a week later.

Could it just be a massive coincidence, or am I right in thinking that something must have happened for him to keep being rejected like this. He’s applied for well over 30 jobs now in various postions, companies and for different hours and not been considered for any of them!

OP posts:
Billballbaggins · 15/07/2019 17:49

I think he’s lying to you OP. He’s either not going to interviews or he’s sabotaging them.

familycourtq · 15/07/2019 17:55

We never 're-employ' as company policy - a lot of companies do this AFAIK. Apart from being stupid, this may well have an element of illegal discrimination - but it's not a surprise.

familycourtq · 15/07/2019 17:57

"You can't actually give a bad reference," Hahaha of course you can. Most people don't give either good or bad references because they worry about litigation resulting, but you can say what you like. The closer to the truth (and evidenced) it is, the less chance of legal action.

Leontine · 15/07/2019 17:59

Has he pissed someone off high up?

Tbh if it hadn’t happened to a close relative of mine, I wouldn’t have believed it was something that could happen but they’ve been sneakily blacklisted from a certain managers entire catchment area (which is quite wide).

heidipi · 15/07/2019 18:14

Can he ask to see his references? A friend of mine found out recently that her boss was giving inaccurate information - so friend went to interview and said she had responsibility A and had done project B, then when references were taken up her boss said she hadn't done those things (don't know whether incompetent or malicious). She changed her referee to a different manager in the chain and hey presto she now has a new job!

beckywiththecraphair · 15/07/2019 18:25

Is he definitely absolutely going to interviews and applying? It sounds like he's bullshitting you because he doesn't want to go back to work.

If that's not it then he needs to go through his CV with a fine tooth comb and see if there's any red flag, then he's well within his rights (if he's telling the truth) to ask the interviewers why he didn't get the job as he's worried he's doing something incorrectly.

Rtruth · 15/07/2019 18:35

Maybe he is struggling at interview and putting on brave face and telling you it went well but maybe it didn’t.

HeadintheiClouds · 15/07/2019 18:43

On the feedback thing; interviewers aren’t actually obliged to be truthful, and you can’t prove that they aren’t being. Nobody’s going to tell you that they just didn’t like your face or that Johnnie who worked with you ten years ago thinks you’re a bit of a gobshite.
They’ll just tell him they interviewed someone else who was more suitable.

SavingSpaces2019 · 15/07/2019 18:47

Hmmm....either he's been blacklisted or his interviews are shite.
It's pretty easy to manipulate interviews when you already know the job, the selection criteria and how the process works.
I've done it myself in the past (when jobcentre forced me to attend interviews or get sanctioned).
You give them just enough to make the shortlist, knowing that some of the stuff you said/didn't say will no doubt cross you off the list.

If he genuinely is serious about going back to work, then maybe he needs to change career/jobs?

MyOpinionIsValid · 15/07/2019 18:56

TBH he's applying for anything that moves in any department - that would ring alarm bells with HR

Original poster
MrsDragonLady · 15/07/2019 19:00

He is (very) late 20s. He got his job as soon as he finished college, first interview he had, first job he ever had and he’s stayed in it ever since.
We do have a small baby (almost 1) but our other children are all older (10,8,6)
I’m assuming his CV is ok, as he’s getting the interviews, just not getting passed that stage.
Failing the interview on purpose wouldn’t be something I could see him doing. Again, it’s more in his interests than mine to go back to work, as he wants to continue with the sport he does. He wouldn’t be able to continue if he didn’t go back to work.
I do think it’s something along the lines of his references or something in his record.
I can’t imagine what it could be though as I honestly can’t think of something he would have done and not told me about!
I will suggest that he changes who he uses for a reference and see if that helps first of all.

OP posts:
Pleasebeafleabite · 15/07/2019 19:09

Are they even getting to references OP? In my field we wouldn’t take them up until the job has been offered and accepted in principle

If he’s getting interviews and no formal job offers that suggests the very obvious poor interview technique rather than discrimination due to his career break or lack of experience which would mean he wouldn’t get the interview full stop

hadthesnip2 · 15/07/2019 19:13

Could he think about a totally different career..? I say this with the utmost respect, but he is a butcher by trade, which is a dying breed (local independent ones mostly) . Can he retrain or study for something else. Seeing as he is not currently working he must have time on his hands to do this. Might just be better to have a completely new start, in a sector where he us not known & so if there is anything hanging over him it might not follow him.

starfishmummy · 15/07/2019 19:14

My Cote is that he says he us going g to interviews but actually isn't.

People who lose their jobs and pretending to people that they are still going to work is an actual thing (not just in films) so maybe pretending to go to interviews is as well

starfishmummy · 15/07/2019 19:15

My "vote" Blush

pollymere · 15/07/2019 19:18

Suggests a problem with references. I had this once and the minute I changed my referees I got loads of job offers.

yyz112 · 15/07/2019 19:27

If he didn't attend the interview he would not have been sent a rejection letter.

Yabbers · 15/07/2019 19:41

Was he possibly under Disciplinary Investigation at the time he left?

Surely he wouldn’t re-apply if that were the case.

It’s really quite unusual to be offered the job at interview, provisionally or otherwise.

The last 4 job interviews I had, I was offered the job.

Only once was there not a follow up with a formal offer and that was because an ex employer with a grudge had bad mouthed me to the director of the new company (despite a mutual non disclosure - I agreed not to take him to tribunal for something he did) Best thing he ever did as the entire team I would have joined was made redundant less than a year later.

HeadintheiClouds · 15/07/2019 19:44

Re. the offers at interview stage; do you mean the first (and only) interview? What about the candidates due to be seen afterwards? Even if you’ve totally blown them away it seems odd to not at least wait until all the candidates have had their shot.
If it’s offered at a second interview it makes a little more sense?

Catsinthecupboard · 15/07/2019 20:43

While it is illegal to give a bad reference, people do give them.

I was once unable to get a job through an agency. I called and spoke to manager who was kind but then quite rude.

I realized that someone in my former job was giving me a bad reference. (She was in HR and had an actual LIST of people she didn't like by her phone. I must have made the list.)

I tell my dh that while some things are illegal, some people don't care.

onyabikeivy · 15/07/2019 20:46

My partner had similar to this with 2 completely different jobs, the first one he went in for a trial day following the interview and they offered him the job and he was to call the next day to confirm he wanted it, he popped in as was passing instead the man looked uncomfortable and said they'd gone with someone else, all he could think was someone who worked there already saw him and put in a bad word. The next time it was a company he had applied for a job with and been unsuccessful they asked him in for an interview then said he could choose between the job they interviewed him for or a slightly higher job, he let them know which he wanted and they emailed and said he wasn't suitable Confused he found a job after this in a completely different industry again with no problems but just so frustrating.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/07/2019 20:47

"While it is illegal to give a bad reference"

It's not illegal, it just that you could be sued so people avoid it, on paper at least - they may be more candid on the phone.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/07/2019 20:50

"We never 're-employ' as company policy - a lot of companies do this AFAIK. Apart from being stupid, this may well have an element of illegal discrimination - but it's not a surprise."

It's a surprise to me. People with experience of the organisation would be highly desirable candidates where I work.
What's the reason for not re-employing?
And also, to the person who said their organisation doesn't re-hire for 12 months, what's the reason there?

ALittleBitAlexis · 15/07/2019 20:51

While it is illegal to give a bad reference, people do give them.

It isn’t illegal to give a bad reference, anything said just has to be accurate. Some employers will opt for a bland reference to avoid potential action if something slightly inaccurate is said, but it’s perfectly ok to give a truthful negative reference

WhatWouldTheNeighboursSay · 15/07/2019 20:54

So, if the baby is