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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think something must have happened

185 replies

MrsDragonLady · 14/07/2019 20:59

Early last year, DH gave up his job to be a stay at home dad, so that I could change my career. The job I had taken was crap hours and pay, but it was entry into a field that didn’t come up very often.

Now, 18 months on, I’ve secured a better job and the hours mean he will be able to go back to work too, something which he had always planned on doing.

He applied back to the company he had left, but on a different department. He got rejected before interview. So he applied again back onto the department he had left. He had 9 years experience and had been put forward by a former colleague that was still in the department. The manager wasnt the same one as when he left. He was basically offered the job at interview, but got told he would have to wait for the official email from head office to confirm. A week later he got a “after much deliberation, we have decided not to offer you the job” email! He contacted for feedback and got told he wasn’t the right fit for the position, but they would consider him for future roles.

Fast forward two months, he’s applied for 8 more jobs at that company and been rejected for them all.

He’s now moved onto applying at different companies and having the same issue with every single one. He’s getting an interview, being provisionally offered the job, then after being passed on to head office he gets a rejection email around a week later.

Could it just be a massive coincidence, or am I right in thinking that something must have happened for him to keep being rejected like this. He’s applied for well over 30 jobs now in various postions, companies and for different hours and not been considered for any of them!

OP posts:
mightymouses · 15/07/2019 06:42

This happened to someone I know. They also couldn't understand it. On paper they looked good, they interviewed great so a few times were offered jobs at the interview that were later retracted. I knew the reason - the new hires were discussed at a managers meeting with all the other managers. Each time this persons name was mentioned as a potential new hire one of the managers told the story of really bad misconduct that this person did (the person had previously worked for the company before and had not conducted herself well). So each time the hiring manager hanged their mind.

Mascarponeandwine · 15/07/2019 07:10

I left an employer many years ago, then went to an interview there two years after leaving. It was most odd, being told the reason I didn’t get the job was because their policy is never to reemploy people that had left. Why on earth waste everyone’s time interviewing me then Confused

Presumably because their “policy” can be conveniently overlooked if they decide it was a mistake to lose you.

He needs to start doing some subject access requests to see what info the companies hold on him and if there’s a link.

scubadive · 15/07/2019 07:24

He needs to use an FOI to get a copy if a reference. He seems to be losing these jobs in reference take up after the interview stage.

Atalune · 15/07/2019 07:31

He’s telling you porkies. I’m certain of it.

CSIblonde · 15/07/2019 07:42

Has he asked his referee what they've said about him? Was there any disciplinary issue or personality clash while there? Of he's a contractor they can't re employ for at least 6months (unless laws changed on that since I contracted). I'm wondering if the SAHD thing either puts them off or makes them worry he'll decide 3months into new role he might decide he wants to go back to that & jack new job in...

Widowodiw · 15/07/2019 07:46

Most companies only offer a standard ref nowadays ie he worked here in this role across this timeframe.

When people leave on our business, no matter how good they are or the circumstances they left once they have left they have left and are forgotten about pretty quickly. Also after such a period diff people will be in place and objectives will have changed meaning your husbands not a fit anymore.

Does his interview technique need brushing up on as he’s been with same co. For 11 years!

motorcyclenumptiness · 15/07/2019 08:21

It's a tough market; some recruitment practices are unwritten, murky and capricious; ageism (30+) is rife; some recruiters will invite people they've no intention of employing to interviews just to tick diversity boxes, make up the numbers and create the illusion of fairness; interviewers can raise a candidate's hopes in an interview because they lack professionalism and want to appear 'nice'; taking time off to take care of family is career suicide.

LannieDuck · 15/07/2019 08:25

It sounds like his references, esp if it's happening with more than one company.

Scorpiovenus · 15/07/2019 09:30

I think he needs to try another company

mushroomwall · 15/07/2019 11:15

Being friends with the referee doesn't mean he'll get glowing endorsements. A friend of mine applied for a number of jobs at the company I work for and I was asked about her a few times as she'd mention my name. She may have been a friend but she was a nightmare in the workplace and there's no way I'd have wanted to be associated with her professionally. So I'd say I didn't think she was a good fit for role.

BigChocFrenzy · 15/07/2019 12:23

"it would be HIGHLY unusual to be offered a job in the interview,"

No, depends on the field and the demand for people / jobs
Once I gained a few years experience (I'm a scientist) I'd usually be told at interview that HR would send me out the offer, or send me an invitation to negotiate on pay, t&cs.
But - I've never been rejected after being told this

Do you know if there are a lot more people available in his field and / or fewer jobs around, since your DH quit ?
That wouldn't explain the conditional offers being rescinded afterwards though - something is UP .....

Definitely ask for feedback from the firms that rescinded the offer - that's the odd issue to tackle

Did he have a lot of time off sick, or parental leave ?

Is he aged 40+ ?

BigChocFrenzy · 15/07/2019 12:24

Did he ever have a blazing row with a colleague, who may have spread around some poison ?

OpheliaTodd · 15/07/2019 12:35

He’s telling you porkies 🐖 😁

Sorry 😳

RunsForGummyBears · 15/07/2019 12:43

@HeadintheiClouds The 'daddy' bonus: www.google.com/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/family/parenting/the-surprising-life-benefits-of-becoming-a-father/amp/

WhoAmIToTellYou · 15/07/2019 12:50

Perhaps they see him as unreliable because of sahd thing? Did you have first child, perhaps they think he is likely to go again if you have another one?
Bizarre. I would suggest he applied somewhere else...

StrippingTheVelvet · 15/07/2019 13:02

If he's coming home enthusiastic, could it be that he's going into interviews thinking it's a shoo-in and them feeling he's being a know it all? Nothing bloody worse than an interviewee telling you all their big ideas without being asked!

HeadintheiClouds · 15/07/2019 13:04

Wow, GummyBears, who knew?

OKBobble · 15/07/2019 13:14

Mushroomwall - why did you not ask your friend to not use you as a reference . That would have been far kinder. She could have then got someone who was prepared to give her a reference.

HeadintheiClouds · 15/07/2019 13:25

The whole point of a reference is to find out the applicants suitability for the role, Bobble. If Mushroom’s friend was a nightmare in the workplace she was perfectly right to say this instead of allowing someone else to get her the job by claiming she was an absolute treasure.

mushroomwall · 15/07/2019 13:28

I wasn't her referee Bobble, she'd just casually drop into interviews that she was my friend and inevitably the interviewer would speak to me. I was doing her a favour - she'd never have thrived in private business with no long term paid sick leave and no union.

DarlingNikita · 15/07/2019 17:31

This is weird. I have to think that either he's not being totally truthful with you about how and why he left his last job, or there's something about his references or something else that interviewers like (or don't care about, or whatever) but that means he sticks when he comes up against HR or head office.

sleepyhead · 15/07/2019 17:36

How old is he? Dh struggled aged 44 when it seemed like he should just walk back into his previous job on paper.

His interviewers were a lot younger than him and kept saying they didn't think he would be a "good fit". (Ie too old.).

Dh's previous employer was also pissed off at him taking shared parental leave and I think being a sahm looked shit on the c.v for a lot of companies unfortunately. Red flag for "will do his share of childcare".

DarlingNikita · 15/07/2019 17:38

His interviewers were a lot younger than him and kept saying they didn't think he would be a "good fit". (Ie too old.).

But this man is more or less told at interview that he's got the job and they just need to do the formalities. Which is what makes me think that there's something the 'high-ups' don't like.

sleepyhead · 15/07/2019 17:40

He could be on the "daddy track" then. Left to look after his children = not married to the job.

Let's face it, it's been happening to women for time immemorial.

optimisticpessimist01 · 15/07/2019 17:46

He's either lying to you or someone is refusing to give him a reference

You can't actually give a bad reference, but you can refuse to give one. Most people who have references refused do not get hired- a huge red flag

Unfortunately neither is great, he is either unemployable or lying to you