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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think something must have happened

185 replies

MrsDragonLady · 14/07/2019 20:59

Early last year, DH gave up his job to be a stay at home dad, so that I could change my career. The job I had taken was crap hours and pay, but it was entry into a field that didn’t come up very often.

Now, 18 months on, I’ve secured a better job and the hours mean he will be able to go back to work too, something which he had always planned on doing.

He applied back to the company he had left, but on a different department. He got rejected before interview. So he applied again back onto the department he had left. He had 9 years experience and had been put forward by a former colleague that was still in the department. The manager wasnt the same one as when he left. He was basically offered the job at interview, but got told he would have to wait for the official email from head office to confirm. A week later he got a “after much deliberation, we have decided not to offer you the job” email! He contacted for feedback and got told he wasn’t the right fit for the position, but they would consider him for future roles.

Fast forward two months, he’s applied for 8 more jobs at that company and been rejected for them all.

He’s now moved onto applying at different companies and having the same issue with every single one. He’s getting an interview, being provisionally offered the job, then after being passed on to head office he gets a rejection email around a week later.

Could it just be a massive coincidence, or am I right in thinking that something must have happened for him to keep being rejected like this. He’s applied for well over 30 jobs now in various postions, companies and for different hours and not been considered for any of them!

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 14/07/2019 22:05

Is he sure theyre actually saying youve got the job at interview and not misinterpreting it-you dont usually get an offer they have more people to see why would several people keep saying that

cdtaylornats · 14/07/2019 22:09

Somebody has marked "do not rehire" on his file.

ALittleBitAlexis · 14/07/2019 22:10

Is there any chance he isn’t really applying for these jobs? Going for a total of 10 jobs at the same company in a couple of months sounds a little off to me, but then I don’t know the company/industry.

I just wonder whether he doesn’t really want to go back to work, but also doesn’t want to seem like a total failure so he has this ‘almost got the job’ story. Sorry if I’m being overly suspicious!

Atalune · 14/07/2019 22:12

He’s got a bad reference.

But he should know this!

PumpkinPie2016 · 14/07/2019 22:17

If he is being truthful about being offered jobs which are then rescinded when it goes to head office then I suspect something is coming up in references.

He can ask to see his references - he should do this and can challenge anything that he believes is inaccurate.

Or, he is not being truthful for one reason or another. Maybe he isn't having any luck but doesn't want to admit it. Perhaps he doesn't want to return to work?

HeadintheiClouds · 14/07/2019 22:18

It sounds a little unfair to say, but applying for 10 jobs at the same company sounds a little obsessive to me. It hardly matters what the reason is, they’re making it clear they think he has nothing to offer them.
Is he actually qualified to hold ten different positions within the company? Confused. It just sounds so odd to be that desperate to rejoin a company he blithely walked away from several months ago, knowing that it was only going to be for a couple of months Confused
It may be time to accept that his time there is done and move on.

quizqueen · 14/07/2019 22:19

Perhaps they think he ask for paternity leave again sometime in the near future so it's not worth taking him on.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 14/07/2019 22:20

OK, look, everything I'm going to say will sound like an insult to your husband - you know him, I don't, I'm not having a go, but something isn't adding up here. Could it be any of the following:

  1. He is overselling how the interviews went to you because he doesn't want you to worry (and also bullshit macho pride) - he comes home, tells you it went amazingly and they basically offered him the job because he thinks that is easier for you than if he came home and sounded uncertain. Does he ever 'edit' reality to make it more palatable?

  2. He is overestimating how well the interview went. I agree with previous posters who say that it would be HIGHLY unusual to be offered a job in the interview, and vanishing rare for it to keep happening. Does he often overestimate how well he comes across/how well he has done in situations?

  3. There is something that only comes out once the companies start to dig into the nuts and bolts of his employment history - a bad reference or something major, like a disciplinary.

  4. He has seriously fucked someone off along the line. How likely is this, do you think? Is your husband someone who "rubs people up the wrong way"?

You know your husband. Does he fall out with people, does he readily admit to mistakes, does he have a realistic idea of his strengths and weaknesses, does he find it easy to confide in you, if it was something shameful/that lowered his status?

Peakypolly · 14/07/2019 22:21

so his time as a SAHD may be working against him. Illegal but very widespread
Sad but true...

EvaHarknessRose · 14/07/2019 22:24

He might be experiencing the type of discrimination many sahm’s encounter after a career break?

Sandybval · 14/07/2019 22:24

Same as why a lot of mums have issues getting back into the workplace after a stint at home. Anyway, has he asked them for feedback? I know a lot of places don't anymore, but as he is a former employee maybe they can offer a bit. Does he have in demand skills? It might be better for him to look elsewhere?

MrsDragonLady · 14/07/2019 22:25

His references are his old manager (they were friends before they were manager/employee and are still friendly now) and a manager in another department that he has remained friends with.
DBS checks aren’t needed for his field either.
I wouldn’t have thought it was a mistake on the CV as he wouldn’t be getting interviews.
I did wonder if he wasn’t interviewing as well as he thinks he is.
He has asked his friend who is the reference if he can ask around and find out if something is amiss but he’s not heard back yet.
DH isn’t on social media either so can’t be that.
His CV seems ok to me. There’s not much else we can add or change without making it fictitious!
He wanted to go back to his old company purely because the pay was good, benefits were good, it’s in a good, prime location and he already knows his way around, the customer base and the colleagues.
I’ve asked DH why he thinks it is, and he seems to genuinely not know.
The interviews he has had he goes to enthusiastically (albeit nervous) and comes home positive. I wouldn’t have thought he would be if he knew there was a reason he wouldn’t get the job.
If they had a no re employ policy, surely they would just say this rather than interview him first?

OP posts:
BlueMerchant · 14/07/2019 22:26

Applying for ten different jobs in the same company looks like he doesn't care what job he does he is just after employment.
They won't take him seriously.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/07/2019 22:29

Is it possible he doesn't want to go back to work? He's enjoyed his role as sahd? Maybe he's lying to you as he has no I tentions of going back.

LegionOfDoom · 14/07/2019 22:32

Sorry to sound cynical but could he be tanking the interview on purpose? Maybe he doesn’t want to go back to work?

HeadintheiClouds · 14/07/2019 22:32

If it was that good, why didn’t he ask for unpaid leave instead of handing in his notice?

Rivkka · 14/07/2019 22:40

Very odd. What does he think?

hippoherostandinghere · 14/07/2019 22:44

What was his sick leave like before he left? They can turn you down on that even if they provisionally offer you the job.

CharityConundrum · 14/07/2019 22:44

@topcat2014

That policy really surprises me - what are the reasons for it if you don't mind sharing?

TanMateix · 14/07/2019 22:51

He is getting the curse of the SAHM, once you leave a job to take care of the babies, they just assume you will not be prepared to put everything second to the needs of the company. Perhaps they are thinking he won’t be willing to travel or work late if needed or that he will be taking time off if they have a sniffle?

That is my experience, anyway. But I would say you cannot keep hitting your head against the same brick wall. He needs to apply elsewhere.

HeadintheiClouds · 14/07/2019 22:54

I think applying for every position advertised, apparently regardless of what it is, is exuding desperation and is making him look look quite strange.
It’s almost like stalking on an industrial scale...

MrsDragonLady · 14/07/2019 22:56

He’s been out of the job 18 months. It’s not really a short period of time I don’t think. We also assumed I would still be in the other job. It’s only by chance that I found and got the job I’m in now.
He says he doesn’t know why it is. He comes home from the interview enthusiast. The last interview he had was for a different company and a whole new branch that isn’t yet open, so they were recruiting everyone from the bottom up. He said the manager told him he would make a good addition to the team, as he has experience whereas a lot of the other applicants, it was their first job and they would need training etc. He told me the manager told him just to look out for the email and then they could arrange his start date and online training. He said he thinks they were just hiring everyone that applied though. But again he didn’t get it.
He was the one that said he wants to return to work. He was quite happy to apply for jobs and asked me to check them over before he submitted the application etc.
I just can’t put my finger on it. There must be SOMETHING that’s happened, I just can’t think what.
It wasn’t 10 different roles within the company so to speak. He submitted applications on two different departments (trained on both), each one had different hours. Then he submitted an application for the same department he left, but in another branch of the company (so different building, managers etc) The job has high turn over and people move from department to department quite regularly.

OP posts:
HeadintheiClouds · 14/07/2019 22:57

They were just hiring everyone who applied??

Unburnished · 14/07/2019 22:57

I think he’s lying.Do you have proof that he’s been to these interviews? Have you seen him submit these applications? Does he have form for shirking or lying? How old is he? What do his former colleagues think?

lyralalala · 14/07/2019 22:58

There’s something in his references that’s causing a problem. He needs to see them

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