AIBU to think that just as a male should not slap a woman's face ,a woman shouldn't slap a man ?

[peridito]

Son slapped in face by girlfriend . Night out ,son went outside club/bar to speak to friends ,girlfriend offended and came out and slapped him.

Appreciate there may be more to it than I know ,but is it ever right to slap someone round the face ?

Son seems ok with it ,but I'm not .

You missed the whole quote

' I think never hitting anyone should be the rule but if a woman hits then she deserves to be hit.'

This leads back to the idea that level of injury or effort is irrelevant to assessing harm.

Op soon got hit by his gf. That is assault.

This means he is allowed to hit her back.

The difference in physical average between men and women is d8sregsrded, that most men can 'hold off' most women. That in this situation the idea of proportionate self defence is out the window and the man can and should give a good as he gets ie if he was hit (slapped) full force then that is what he is entitled to dish out.

The fact that in general the consequences are quite different is irrelevant. The fact that in law, the assault will be dealt with in an individual basis, is also irrelevant.

The point here is that in the name of equality, if a woman gets drunk and slaps a man (assault) then he can go to town.

I get why people say this. I really do.

The fact is though, in general, men are more violent than women, and bigger and stronger. And so telling men they can and should go full force on a woman who slaps them is, not sure its a good idea. Really this is a warning to women isn't it. Treat men with respect.

I have seen women assaulted by men with little reason, and it's happened to me.

Surely the correct advice is, if a woman assaults you, de-escalate, get to safety, tell bar staff or police etc, same as if a woman is assaulted? Why is the advice different for men (give her what for) 7

Nobody should hit anyone unless in self defence.

Cheeserton as that comes hot on the heels of my post, I imagine you are saying that if a man is slapped by a woman then he should react to that with maximum violence?

I agree no one should hit anyone.

I do think that level of imjury is relevant, though this I can see some disagree.

No one should hit anyone. Of course.

It's not the same thing to hit someone bigger and stronger than you than to hit someone weaker because of the power balance.

I detest these sorts of arguments. Nobody should be hitting anybody.

NSHA is the new NAMALT.

NSHA is the new NAMALT

Why?

Because it’s something that should just be taken as read so the conversation can move on. What actually happens is that there are a million posts saying that nobody should hit anyone, and anyone who doesn’t start a post by saying it is challenged or accused of minimising women’s violence.

It's not the same thing to hit someone bigger and stronger than you than to hit someone weaker because of the power balance.

But again, power isnt always about physical advantages.

If you hit someone because you know they will not or can not hit you back, then you have the power.

There are a lot of people who might be able to over power their abuser. The reason they dont.

I was in that situation. I knew I could physically over power my exh. The fact that have been boxing for over 20 years, helps. And he hated any physical pain and was small built. I also had to be aware that I can punch extremely hard, I could potentially severely hurt him with a punch to the face and head. He would avoid confrontation with anyone else at all costs

I also knew that if I punched him I would leave a mark, I also knew he would have me arrested. So, being able to fight better and having a physical advantage didnt help me at all.

I left. I am now with a man much larger and stronger, who I am 100% sure wouldnt hit me. I couldnt over power him if I tried. But I feel safer.

Physical power is one aspect. But it's not the only aspect. Exploiting the power you have over someone, doesnt always come down to physical advantages enough.

And as for 'we dont know if she is an abuser and need more information'. She hit her partner.

No one would ask a woman whose partner hit her, for more information to decide wether he was an abuser or not.

No one would ask a woman whose partner hit her, for more information to decide wether he was an abuser or not.

This is key isn't it? And shows why men are often reluctant to admit that they are being abused because they won't be believed.

People would assume that they could easily defend themselves against a woman and so how can they be abused?

In the past I had a boyfriend who would totally control me (don't wear this, do not eat that), torment me, tease me, sulk and be passive aggressive. He was awful. I did slap him once and we split up soon, after me discovering that he was still 'seeing' his previous GF. I am not saying that your son has done any of these things, of course, but sometimes the slap is a desperate signal to take some agency back from the weaker part.

I do think that there is a difference between abuse and assault. Abuse implies a pattern of behaviour. So assault can be part of abuse, but is not necessarily, in itself, abuse.

Apologies for the badly written post - I am getting ready to go out but felt I had to respond to this. I was totally wrong to slap my ex, make no mistake, but he was a controlling psychological abuser and cheater. I should have just left - and soon after I did.

. I am not saying that your son has done any of these things, of course, but sometimes the slap is a desperate signal to take some agency back from the weaker part.

Well, you kind of are saying it aren't you? Otherwise why bring it up on a thread about a man being hit by a woman?

If this was about a woman being hit by a man would you ask her what she'd done to provoke him hitting her?

You wouldn't because that would be an outrageous thing to say.

“Well, you kind of are saying it aren't you? Otherwise why bring it up on a thread about a man being hit by a woman?“

Because power balance.

BertrandRussell

Where does the discussion move on to?
We have already had several posters speculating that he must have goaded her in to it.

The answer to this should be (IMO) you still don't hit anyone and if they do continually goad you they are being abusive. But its still NSHA.

I do think that there is a difference between abuse and assault. Abuse implies a pattern of behaviour. So assault can be part of abuse, but is not necessarily, in itself, abuse.

This sounds like abuse to me though because the girl hit him because she was angry that he was talking to his friends and she didn't like it. So there was also an attempt to control his behaviour.

If this was done in front of his friends, and other people, there's also that element of humiliating him too. Next time, does he do what he's told to avoid the embarrassment of it happening again?

BertrandRussell

What does that mean?

I don't get what you are saying.

You surely aren't saying that you think she has less power so it's ok to hit him?

No. What I am saying is that very often the “power” in a relationship is in the hands of the man. Physical, financial- you name a power- men tend to hold it. It is not OK, of course, for women to hit men (NSHA). But it is often not the same as the other way round. It is not as simple as that.

I do think that there is a difference between abuse and assault. Abuse implies a pattern of behaviour. So assault can be part of abuse, but is not necessarily, in itself, abuse.

But again, if a woman posted her male partner slapped her. Would you ask her to give more information to ascertain wether he was an abuser?

Because power balance.

Again, power isnt only about the physical aspect. If, in the situation, the woman hit the man because she knew there would be no way he would hit her back, then she held the power. How strong his slap could be, isnt relevant because it's not going to happen.

She has the power because she is hitting someone she knows wont retaliate.

BertrandRussell

How does that apply in this case?

The woman slapped the man because she didn't like him talking to his friends. That's controlling.

She hit him in front of his friends, knowing that he wouldn't hit her back. That's humiliating for him.

Seems to me like she holds the power here.

And how do you know that she doesn't have financial control over him?

The only imbalance is that he is probably physically stronger than her (though not definitely). Any other imbalance could apply just as easily to a woman over a man.

Tell him to break up with her. I could understand if he did something really awful and she couldn’t contain herself but what could happen between a pair of teenagers that would warrant uncontrollable rage?

“How does that apply in this case?“

I didn’t say it did. But we can either have a thread full of people repeating “She should not have hit him” or we can take that as read, and try to explore a complex issue in a bit more depth.

I agree 100%!!

decomposingcomposers women are not men and the power balance is totally different. Let's look a bit deeper into this, eh?