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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL stuffing her face at ours

336 replies

jamiecooks · 14/07/2019 10:15

I probably ABU BUT MIL driving me mad! She never has any food at hers (pleads poverty but that's a whole other story) - came to ours the other day to look after our baby (we pay her for doing this despite SIL having 5 years of free child care) and basically chomped through almost a whole packet of chocolate hobnobs. They were in a tub in the corner of a cupboard so she also obviously went looking for them.

Previously she'd also been in my cupboard and helped herself to the posh chocs my DH had bought me for my birthday! After that, I started having to hide nice food but didn't get chance to this time as her coming to ours was unexpected - logistical reasons which DH organised without telling me.

She's also previously looked at financial documents in our house (I know because something had been left out and moved and she is very nosy by her own admittance) and I had been doing a tax return the other day so had left out my folders with all my statements/payslips etc in at top of stairs to put away - had I known she was coming I'd have put it all away but I didn't know and when I got home it was clear she had been looking at it as docs were popping out of folder which weren't before, specifically my pay slip so she now presumably knows what I earn

AIBU?

OP posts:
fatandshattered89 · 14/07/2019 12:23

Yabu for saying 'posh chocs'

lastqueenofscotland · 14/07/2019 12:25

Hobnobs are what? A quid? The financial documents - not on.
Eating a pack of hobnobs meh I couldn’t get annoyed about at all

longwayoff · 14/07/2019 12:27

Cant afford alternative childcare? I guess you can probably manage a packet of biscuits though? Or maybe get some of those little packs then you can charge her per pack. Oh, and for the coffee and tea too.

TheFairyCaravan · 14/07/2019 12:28

Go to Aldi and buy some of their own chocolate Hobnobs. They're only about 50p and taste the same. I bought them in for DS2's girlfriend when she visited because I know that's what she liked. She ate the whole packet over 2 days but I couldn't give a shit because I want people to feel welcome in my house.

I couldn't imagine having my MIL, or anyone, in my house and hiding food from them.

QueenBeex · 14/07/2019 12:29

PianoTuner567 if I didn't have permission to look and see what i fancied I would have hoped she would at least of left something out for me or at the very least warned me in advance to bring my own snacks because I wasn't allowed to eat nothing in her house.

Luckily im very close to my sister and she wouldn't expect me to babysit for her and not eat anything at all :)

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 14/07/2019 12:31

I think you might need to get in some decoy biscuits. I have a biscuit tin for guests so I know there's always something in the house to put out for them.

Reading your financial stuff is VERY inappropriate though. But it sounds like the DC are often at hers rather than yours? In which case this wouldn't usually happen

DishingOutDone · 14/07/2019 12:31

You should have had a vote on here OP - but basically you are on a hiding to nothing. If you'd have said your MiL was overweight at the beginning of the thread things would have gone differently, its a MN rule. People are not rude to help themselves to ANYTHING at all from your home and should definitely shovel it all in, unless they are fat in which case they are greedy bastards and you would be doing them a favour saying so.

YANBU she sounds horrible, but if you cant get alternative childcare you are stuffed (like your MiL). What does DH propose?

Pizzaaddict · 14/07/2019 12:33

Please stop saying “posh chocs”

herculepoirot2 · 14/07/2019 12:35

Or are you all saying you would go to your daughters houses and eat a packet of biscuits without asking?

I hope I would never be left hungry minding my daughter’s child.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 14/07/2019 12:39

Leave a load of docs hanging around with a note in the middle saying fuck off you nosey bitch

Likepurple beat me to it ^

longwayoff · 14/07/2019 12:39

Are you sure you want a horrible MIL looking after your children? She might affect them and they'll grow up like your lovely husband, for whom she was responsible.

OliviaBenson · 14/07/2019 12:41

A whole packet of biscuits is excessive though. I'd make a point of saying you noticed that all the biscuits had gone and ask how many she gave to your child as it's not good for them
Etc.

I saw on here that someone had left Australian emigration forms in their bedside draw to foil a similarly nosy MIL. It worked a treat!

AquaPris · 14/07/2019 12:43

I can see why the birthday chocolates would be annoying but you need to get over the biscuits. They're just hobnobs not fillet steak.

Get a lockable filing cabinet and keep private documents (and with warning anything sexual and special food) in there when she comes over

AquaPris · 14/07/2019 12:44

Also please stop writing posh chocs my eyes are bleeding

TanMateix · 14/07/2019 12:47

Frankly, if “stuffing her face at ours” (title of this thread, is eating a £1 packet of hobnobs while she is baby sitting as a favour (you are not paying market rate), I would say you have some very skewed idea of what being generous is. She is being generous to you by 1) agreeing to babysit (she doesn’t have to) 2) being treated like hired worker even if she is underpaid.

A packet of Hobnobs... I thought she had eaten the full contents of the fridge and cabinets.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 14/07/2019 12:48

A whole packet of biscuits is excessive though.

I don't believe that anyone would be rude enough to a) not leave snacks to their MIL, b) comment on her calorie consumption!

herculepoirot2 · 14/07/2019 12:49

I love how many people don’t know how much hob nobs cost. It’s like the “pint of milk” test 😂

TanMateix · 14/07/2019 12:49

As for she checking your correspondence.., honestly, if I leave the things on view it is not as bad as her rummaging around your drawers. Be tidy and put the things in their rightful place, I very much doubt that you need to buy a lockable file cabinet, just keep confidential stuff out of the way.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 14/07/2019 12:50

I do think you should leave her out something you're happy for her to eat. Having done lots of childminding in my youth, that was always so much appreciated even if I didn't eat it!

BUT I don't think it's tight to be uncomfortable with someone going through your cupboards and eating stuff. In my household growing up that would have been totally unacceptable. Due to financial pressures, my mum would always carefully buy in what was needed for the week, so someone going in and taking stuff would throw the weeks food plans out of whack and be disrespectful. As kids we knew not to go through the cupboard for snacks ourselves, let alone anyone else doing so! It's very entitled/disrespectful to take things that aren't offered. And that just goes along with the entitled/disrespectful attitude of snooping through your finances. So I can see how it's not really about the biscuits, but the attitude to your home.

PuppyMonkey · 14/07/2019 12:51

Well, it starts with Hobnobs and chocolates and then before you know it, she’ll be sniffling your naice ham and rustling up something with that chicken you’ve bought so Sunday lunch. Grin

It’s a slippery slope people, you let family “help themselves” and before you know it... ANARCHY.

Lilymossflower · 14/07/2019 12:52

Don't put up with this !

This is utter bullshit and utter disrespect

Honestly its worth paying more to have her GTFO

PuppyMonkey · 14/07/2019 12:52
  • snaffling.
ooooohbetty · 14/07/2019 12:53

Leave out some food for her and say I've left you some snacks. Or ask her for the money for packet of hob nobs if it bothers you that much.

probstimeforanewname · 14/07/2019 12:54

I love how many people don’t know how much hob nobs cost. It’s like the “pint of milk” test

I don't like them so would never buy them. Hence no idea how much they cost.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 14/07/2019 12:56

Buy a box of fancy cream cakes. Lace them with chilli powder or crushed laxatives. Hide them in the top cupboard under a file marked ‘Confidential’. When she’s drinking gallons of water because her mouth’s on fire or shitting through the eye of a needle she can’t complain without admitting she went snooping for info. Problem solved.